


Home

by Digdeepenough



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Attempted Murder, Barebacking, Depression, Dom/sub, Drama & Romance, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, F/M, Gore, Horror, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Long-Term Relationship(s), Love Triangle, M/M, Mental Instability, Multi, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Post apocalyptic hospitalization, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Supernatural Elements, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-02-15 16:43:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 65,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2236161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Digdeepenough/pseuds/Digdeepenough
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey everyone! Here's a little teaser/prologue to this new fic I've been working on. The first chapter should be posted sometime in October- Halloween, perhaps.</p><p>Enjoy! <3</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Prologue-Welcome Home

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2807291) by [JaneFroste](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneFroste/pseuds/JaneFroste)



> Hey everyone! Here's a little teaser/prologue to this new fic I've been working on. The first chapter should be posted sometime in October- Halloween, perhaps.
> 
> Enjoy! <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This place isn't a home.

Home.

He's home and he's sleeping... He's sleeping so peacefully. His husband is lying next to him, snoring soundly and moving every now and then. The bed creaks and squeaks, but it's comforting. There's never silence and it's nice. 

Silence was terrifying. Silence wasn't real.

It's been a while since he's slept so good... Without tossing and turning. Without being woken up by his husband's uncommonly loud snoring. This was nice for a change...

Too bad it isn't real.

He's not home. They haven't been home in months... And they'll never go back again.

 _They've_ taken over. Those monsters... Those things. They bite and eat and they're fucking dead. They don't stop unless you shoot them in the head.

So many times he grabbed his husband's hand crying, 'I wanna' go home'. But it didn't exist anymore and it never will.

"Baby." Jon whispered, shaking Gerard awake. They were laying on a mattress. A small, uncomfortable mattress inside a shopping mall furniture store. "Wake up."

Gerard inhaled and exhaled deeply, shifting his body until he's facing Jon. He looked into his icy, blue eyes and then his nose and then his lips. He was still whole.

"Mmm?" 

"It's day 7. They're gonna' do it."

Gerard blinked and then averted his eyes to the bed. He scanned it, searching for words. His semi healed wound, on his arm, under the bandages, suddenly itched.

"Are... Are they sure? D-do they believe me?" 

"It's been a week, G... They have no choice." 

Gerard sighed and sat up slowly. He looked around the store and then blinked his eyes to the gated and locked entrance.

"Do you really think they'll let us out?"

Jon sat up, too. He kicked his feet over the edge and planted them on the ground. "You haven't turned. They can't keep us locked in here forever. That was the deal."

Gerard meant to respond but there's a loud, sharp whistle coming from across the entrance and they focus on the foot steps now emerging.

"Seems to me buttercup was tellin' the truth. He's fucking immune. Lucky S-O-B." Dox said, pressing his boot up against the gate and rattled it.

More people from the group come around, but not all of them, and stared with their arms crossed over their chest as they hummed in mild fascination.

"What about Jon?" Sally asked, glaring at the two me who sat and listened to them quietly. "Is he immune?"

"I don't know." Jon interjected, standing up and walking towards the gate. "I haven't been bitten." He moved his hands against the cold metal and pressed his face against it.

"Let 'em out." Larry said, standing in the back; his hands buried in his pocket. "This is all the proof we needed. He's not gonna' turn. We got nothin' to worry about."

Dox smirked at Gerard and then tipped his hat at Jon. "You heard the man."

Jon stepped back and watched the locks come off and the gate go up. Gerard climbed out of bed and stood by his side, grabbing his hand.

Once there was nothing separating them from the others Larry stepped forward and stuck out his hand.

"Welcome home."


	2. Immune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys, I was suppose to post this yesterday/halloween but things weren't going the way they needed to.
> 
> Here it goes now and I hope you enjoy :)

"Does it still hurt?" Jon asked, slowly unraveling the dirty bandage on his husband's arm. 

Gerard hissed once the wound was free and looked down at it. It was bad... Bloody and swollen... It smelled rotten.  
He swallowed audibly and nodded his head stiffly.

Jon stepped aside as Sally came over with the first aid kit. She winced as soon as she saw Gerard's bite wound.

"Sheesh..." She muttered under her breath and pressed the alcohol soaked rag against it. "Nearly munched your arm off."

Gerard yelped and flinched back. "Fuck!" He screamed and Sally immediately apologised, holding him still by grabbing onto his wrist. 

"I'm sorry. I should've warned you."

"You think?" Gerard winced and watched as she cleaned it up. It could have been a lot worse... He could have died. 

"Easy." Jon tsked him and Gerard glared up at him, frowning. "She's just trying to help."

Sally shot him a warm, coy smile. She was slightly thanking him. She and Gerard weren’t being particularly fond of each other.

"Well, excuse me. I was the one who got bitten. It doesn't exactly feel like an orgasm." Gerard snatched his hand free from Sally's grip and stood up once she finished re-wrapping his arm with a fresh, new bandage.

She cringed at his harshness and remained seated, looking back and forth between the arguing couple.

"It's no ones fault here. I told you not to follow him. He nearly got you killed the first couple of ti—"

"I'm alive, Jonathan. I'm a-fucking-live." Gerard snatched his pack of cigarettes off the store counter and pulled one out with his lips.

"Yeah, and I'm happy and relieved, but if you never would have gone with your BFF Bert we wouldn't be discussing this." Jon pressed, snatching the cigarette from Gerard's mouth.

The younger man whined and shot Jon a nasty look. "What the fuck?!" He shouted, trying to snatch his cigarette back. 

"You're not fucking listening." Jon said, holding the cigarette in between his fingers. "No more fucking Runs... Okay? You stay here and you help Amber and Sally with the kids. Got that?"

Gerard stared at him in shock, wide eyed and mouth open agape. "..." He made a sound from the back of his throat and shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was the best shot in the group and he knew it! How could he just stay behind and play house? He wasn’t a fucking housewife.

"You... You fucking stay with them. Okay? I'll fucking go on Runs with whoever the fuck I want. Whenever the fuck I want, Jon. Do I look incompetent to you? I'm the best shot in this entire group." Gerard was red, shaking and still trying to desperately take his cigarette back.

"YOU ALMOST DIED!" Jon screamed, crushing the cigarette just as Gerard nearly had it. "I almost lost you! Because of HIM!"

Gerard clenched his jaw and craned his neck to look at Sally who was standing by, watching, but not focusing. She was just there to make sure they didn't get out of hand... Again.

"I'm leaving." Gerard said to reassure her, locking eyes. "I'm going. He's all yours."

She nodded apprehensively with a nervous look on her youthful face. Jon went to grab him, but Sally pulled him back. 

"Let him go. Give him some space."

Gerard heard her say as he turned around, leaving the vitamin shop, with his hands going through his hair. He turned the corner and stopped by the restroom entrance, next to the water fountain, and slid down the wall. He slammed his head back against it hard.

"Motherfuck—"

"Don't do that."

Gerard looked up at the voice and took a deep breath.

"Not now, Bert. Please, just give me a minute... Okay?" He said, begging half heartedly. He wasn't in the mood to deal with the constantly jubilant and talkative man right now.

Bert stared down at Gerard and stepped forward.

"Bert. Please. I'm angry. I want to be alone."

Bert got down on the floor, crouching in front of Gerard. He poked the man's knee and then smirked at him teasingly.

"I heard you guys yelling. He wants you to be a housewife." 

Gerard adverted his eyes to Bert's new level and pursed his lips. He keeps quiet until Bert hand goes to his thigh.

"Don't." 

Bert chuckled and inched closer to the dark haired man. 

"Do you wanna be a housewife?" He asked, wide eyed.

Gerard shoved him back and rolled his eyes. "No. Fuck no. D'you?"

Bert laughed and pretended to look thoughtful for a split second. "Sounds like an easy enough job. Don't gotta deal with Thriller outside."

"He treats me like I'm a fucking baby." Gerard whispered, shoving Bert's hand away before it could travel further up his thigh. 

"What's wrong with that? S'just means he's worried about you. I mean, can you blame him? You're all he has left and the same goes for you." Bert started to stand again once voices started to get louder, closing in on them.

Gerard stuck his hand up and Bert took it and pulled him to his feet. "Look at it this way... Think about how you'd feel if Jon got munched on. Maybe he's a immune. Maybe he's not."

Gerard didn't bother to respond. M and Dox were coming there way, guns in their hands and gear on.

"Heading out. Need a few more supplies. You in?" M asked, looking at Bert. Gerard sulked and crossed his arms over his chest. "We'll need the extra help."

Bert scratched the side of his head and nodded. "Yeah. Totally... Um..." He turned and looked at Gerard, smiling weakly. "Gotta go. Wish you could come, but you gotta heal and stuff." 

M stared back and forth between the two men and sighed impatiently.

"No. Yeah, whatever. It's fine. Go... I'll just... I have to talk to Larry about something anyway." He lied, masking his disappointment with a crooked, fake smile.

Bert smiled back and rubbed the older mans shoulder gently. "Okay, cool. I'll see you later." He walked off, following closely behind Dox and M.

"Bye." Gerard said quietly, watching the men walk off. He can hear M teasing Bert, telling him not to bring his heart eyes outside.

Fuck, he really wanted to go with them.

* * *

"No. No fucking way." Jon said loudly, poking his finger against Larry's chest. "Not again, man. I'm not losing him again!"

Larry stepped back and pulled his hands up in front of himself in defence. "It was just a suggestion! He's immune and all so it would be a big help to the group."

"Runs alone?! Have you lost your shit?! And what if he gets pinned?! What if Raiders get him?! You think he's immortal or something? You can't be that dense, Larry. He can't go alone just because he can't turn." Jon was red in the face, fuming. 

"Right. Yeah, just let him do runs with the others. Send him into tight spots. We need more medical supplies and we're running low on food." Larry's hands go down now; he's speaking quietly. 

He feels bad about suggesting something so insane to Jon about his husband. He wasn't thinking straight.

"I don't want him doing runs period. I already told him he's staying in and watching the kids with Sally and Amber." Jon sits down on the couch behind him and Larry does the same.

"He's immune, Jon. He's lucky to be alive and now that we know he can't turn we've got an advantage. He needs to do runs more than ever." Larry explained and suddenly food steps emerge from behind the door and it's flying open.

"Ah, uh..." It's Gerard. He's got a backpack on his back and his holster wrapped around his waist. "Fuck."   
Jon jumped up quickly and the first thing he does it yank the backpack off of his husband's back.

"What the fuck?!" He screamed. "What the fuck, Gerard?!"

Larry's jumping up too, grabbing Jon by his shoulder.

"Easy... Easy, man."

Gerard stood still, looking like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar without permission. "You know how things are, Jonathan. You know I can't just sit around and play house."

Jon threw the backpack across the room and it clunked against the wall. 

"Do you wanna' die? Is that it?"

Gerard inhaled sharply and shook his head. "No." He answered, releasing the breath he took in. 

"Then what're you trying to do? Why do you wanna' keep this shit up!?"

"Guys. C'mon." Larry muttered under his breath.

"They..." Gerard trailed off, leaning against the wall.

"They what?"

"They need me, okay?! I'm a good shot. I saved lives out there. I saved Dox and I saved M and Bert a bunch of times. Without me they'll fucking die." Gerard's pushing himself off the wall, stepping closer to Jon.

"Oh? And what about you? Who saved you when that fucking monster got you?" 

Gerard folded his lips together and looked down.

"Did your best buddy, Bert, prevent it from happening?"

Gerard looked up at his husband and shook his head numbly. 

"Did Dox or M save you?"

Gerard shook his head again.

"Who fucking saved you?"

Gerard blinked and suddenly his face felt hot and his eyes were stinging. He shook his head once again and sniffed soundly.

"No one."

"You, Gerard. You saved you." Jon pointed at him sternly. "They don't care about you. You care about you. I care about you. And that's it. Everyone else who cares is fucking dead."

Larry was pulling open the door, coughing loudly and scratching the back of his head.

Gerard was trembling now, falling against the wall again, running his hands down his face. 

"That's not true."

"It is, baby. It's true. We just got lucky. We got lucky that it only bit you once and that it wasn't fatal. I got lucky. I still have you." He pulled Gerard against his chest and embraced him tightly. "I love you so much. I... I'd fucking die for you. With you. No matter what."

Gerard whimpered and wrapped his arms around Jon. He continued to cry and hold onto the man.

Larry stepped through the door and closed it behind himself. Jon broke the hug and Gerard wiped his face with the back of his hand.

"I'll... Stay and watch the kids tomorrow. I'll help out around the common room."   
Jon smiled and pulled Gerard into a hard kiss. 

"Thank you." He whispered. "Thanks, baby."

"I love you, Jon."

"I love you too."

* * *

"Fuckkkk!" Jon exclaimed, throwing his head back in pure ecstasy after pounding into Gerard one last time.

They're both breathing harshly, sweating and swearing. Gerard's raking his finger nails down Jon's sweaty back and loosening his legs from around his waist.

"Mmmm... Mmm." Gerard hummed, relaxing against the lumpy mattress. "F-fuck." He slowly released his softening cock and wiped his hand down on his dirty shirt that was lying right next to him. 

Jon pulled out carefully and grabbed Gerard's shirt and used it to clean himself off as well.

"S'been a while since we've actually done that." Jon said, catching his breath.

Gerard nodded and pushed himself up on his elbows and smiled. "Y-yeah... I missed it."

Jon tossed the t-shirt aside and laughed. "Me too." He flipped over onto his back, lying right next to Gerard, and took a deep breath. They both stared up at the ceiling in silence, basking in the afterglow.

Just as Gerard was about to say something someone's barging in, frantically.

"Ah, shit. Fuck, dude!" It's M and he's covering his eyes as soon as Jon and Gerard's naked bodies come to view.

Gerard and Jon sat up quickly and pulled the sheets over themselves. 

"Man, c'mon!" Jon shouted, turning bright red. "Don't just come in like th—"

"It's Dox..." M wiped his bloody hands on his white tank top. "He's hurt."

Without a word Gerard jumped out of bed and grabbed his jeans off the floor and slipped them on quickly. Jon did the same and M turned away and waited for them to dress.

Once they were done M showed them to the vitamin shop. He was talking fast, shaking, as he tried to explain what happened.

"W-we. We were turning out of the convenience store... Bert called for us— he was still inside. The damn thing snuck up from behind us and took a fucking chunk right out of his shoulder." He pulled the gate up and Gerard was gripping onto Jon's arm tightly as they entered the shop.

"Fuck!!! Fuck!!!" Dox screamed as Sally pushed an alcohol soaked rag against his wound. He had a bottle of Jack in his left hand as his right squeezed onto the arm rest of the chair he was in.

"Dox." M said loudly, and stepped over to him. He touched the mans good shoulder and rubbed him there, consolingly. "G and J are here."

Dox turned his head slowly and pushed the bottle of Jack to his lips and took a swig.

"F-fuck... H-hey, guys... Ssshhh'ahhh!!!" He screamed, slamming his head back against the headrest.

"I'm almost finished." Sally whispered.

Gerard rushed over after he let go of Jon's arm and pushed his hands through Dox's hair and pulled the man close to him. Forehead to forehead.  
Sally stepped aside and wiped away the tears staining her face.

"It's okay, G. It is... It was my fault." He whispered. "I shoulda been cautious."  
A sob forced it's way out of Gerard's mouth and he trembled, holding onto the man tightly.

"N-no. It's my fault. I should have been there, Dox. I should have—"

"Shhh... Nah, nah, nah. Don't." Dox coughed and took another swig from the bottle of whiskey when Gerard let him go.

Jon stepped over, with his arms crossed over his chest.

"So. How're we gonna' do this?" Dox asked, reclining in the seat.

"However you like... You can wait it out like G did. Who knows. You might be immune too." Jon said, hopeful.

Gerard's hands are on either side of Dox's face now. He's staring into the man's eyes. They lolled around slightly and he drunkenly hummed a tune.

"Look at me, J. I'm fucking done for. I ain't immune, man. It's only been 30 minutes and I already feel like I'm losing it." He coughed again. This time blood spluttered out and dribbled down his chin.

"No. No. No. No." Gerard grabbed a cloth off the table nearby and wiped the mans face down. "No. I was sick, too. It's your body trying to fight it."

Jon watched his husband intently. He listened to the cracking in his voice and the tremble rush through his body. He loved their group. He would die for them.

He was perfect.

"G!" Dox screamed, coughing again after. "I'm not you. I'm not gonna' get through this okay? Please, just..."  
Gerard dropped the cloth on the mans lap and stepped back. He choked out another sob and turned to Jon and embraced him.

"It's okay... Shhh..."

Bert had been standing in the back, quietly. He watched the scene before stepping forward.

"So it's settled then." He said and everyone turned to look at him. "Larry says we wait. We can't risk losing him if he really is immune. That goes for the rest of us. Whoever gets bitten gets 7 days."

Dox forced a laugh and touched his bandaged shoulder. 

"I give it 2 hours."

* * *

2 hours... 23 minutes... 34 seconds.

"Guys..." Larry called out, standing in front of the gated record shop that Dox claimed as his home. "Come take a look." He shook his head, sighing dejectedly.

Gerard was first to jump out of bed. He slipped his shoes on and hurried to where Larry was standing.

He looked through the gated store and his heart skipped a beat. 

"Fuck..."

There was Dox... Pale eyed... Wheezing... Standing limply and snapping his teeth at the hanging light above his head.

"Aw, fuck." Jon approached the scene and palmed his forehead. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

Dox turned to the sound of Jon's voice and dragged himself over. The awful noises that left his mouth caused Gerard to grind his teeth.

"Dammit Dox." Bert joined the witness circle and crossed his arms over his chest.

Dox stuck his arms through the gate and hissed. He swung his hands out in front of himself blindly, trying to grab someone. Anyone.

"Who's up to it?" Larry asked, pulling his gun out of his holster.

He looked at Bert first, but the man shrugged his shoulders and looked away, shaking his head slightly.

"Jon?" Larry asked and the man sighed loudly and nodded, sticking his hand out for the pistol. 

"Here... Give it back when you're finished." He passed him the gun and turned away, leaving the scene.

Gerard had just gotten done wiping the tears away from his face and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. He backed away slowly and watched as Jon pointed the pistol out in front of him, against Dox's forehead.

"Bye Dox."

He pulled the trigger.


	3. Same

Outside... The grass, where there was grass, is brownish green. The sky is grey and smokey and the air around them smells like it's sprayed with corpse scented air fresheners.

"Gerard hasn't spoken to me at all these past three days." Jon said, carrying his equipment with abundant strength. He wasn't even breaking a sweat.

Jon, M, Bert and Larry had just finished scouting a convenient store. They managed to find useful things like more bandages, lighter fluid and cigarettes. 

They’ve only crossed paths with a few zombies and took them down with no problem. So far so good and soon enough they would have to go back before it got dark. That's when things really go to shit.

Bert chuckled, balancing a cigarette between his lips as he aimed his gun in front of him, making sure nothing got past him.

"Doesn't he do that every time we lose someone?" Bert asked, craning his neck to look back at Jon with an arched brow.

"Yeah, but it's different this time. I think he feels guilty."

Bert faced forward again and shook his head. "Guilty because he wasn't there to save him...? Or guilty because he's immune and probably the only one who is?"

Jon was going to respond, but he stopped dead in his tracks when scurrying and a loud bang came from the alleyway they just passed. 

Larry was on it before anyone could react. He hurried, gun out in front of him and aimed at whatever it was that was in the alley.

"I can see you, fuckhead. Come out with your hands up where I can see 'em." Larry shouted.

Jon was beside him and so was Bert and M, all with their guns pointed forward.

"D-don't. Don't shoot!" 

The boy stepped out of the shadows, covered in blood and guts. His hands were up in the air. 

"Please, don't shoot."

"You been following us?!" M screamed, looking back and then forward again. He's making sure there isn't a zombie close by.

"I haven't!" The young man shouted; his arms were lowering slightly.

"Arms up!" Larry stepped forward, thrusting his gun in front of him.

The boy flinched and looked at the group of men, shaking and panting.

"Now answer the question." Larry said calmly this time. "Why are you following us?"

"My... My name's Frank Iero."

"That wasn't the fucking question, Frank." Bert said harshly. "Why the fuck are you following us?"

Frank backed up slowly, frowning. "I... I heard you talking about immunity."

Jon's eyes widened. "Yeah?! So?!" He shouted. He didn't like that this guy was eavesdropping while he was talking about Gerard. It didn't feel right.

"I've been out here for a long time. I... I've been bitten 3 times." He lowered one arm and then his other in order to pull his blood stained sleeve up.

Everyone flinched and cocked their guns. They expected Frank to pull a weapon out or something of the sort.

"Look!" Frank shouted, extending his arm. "This was the first time. It happened the first day everything went to shit."

Larry stepped closer to get a better look.

It was indeed a zombie wound, but it was completely healed... Just an ugly scar now.

"My second time." Frank bent over and rolled the left side of his jeans up. "This was a week ago."

Everyone was starting to lower their guns now.

"And this one." He pulled the front of his baggy shirt down his chest. "This was the day your friend was attacked... Three days ago."

"Dox?!" M shouted. "You saw that?!"

The boy nodded sternly. 

"You've been spyin' on us?"

"N-no! I swear. I've just been around! I stay here!" He shoved his arms up again as Bert jutted his gun forward. "Please don't shoot. I haven't done anything wrong!"

"Are you alone, Frank?" Jon asked, looking the miserable boy up and down. "Is it just you?"

Frank glared at him, nodding his head frantically.

"He's alone, Larry..." Jon said quietly, acting as if Frank wasn't standing in front of them.

"How long you've been alone?" Larry asked.

Frank swallowed audibly and looked down. "S-since... Since before all this."

Jon glared at Larry and then at Bert and M. "... Where's your family?" Jon asked, returning his gaze to Frank.

Frank sniffed and shook his head, still looking down at the ground.

"I don't think he knows." Bert said, lowering his gun.

"Frank." Larry sighed. "Were you spying on us to make sure we weren't raiders?"

Frank looked up quickly and nodded.

"We ain't." Larry added. "We ain't ever gonna' be. We've got other people and we don't hurt the living... Unless they hurt us first. You're not going to hurt us, are you?"

"No... I. I'm not. I wouldn't." Frank stammered, lowering his arms a bit.

"Would you like to join us?" Jon asked and Frank turned to face him quickly with a surprised expression on his face.

"Is that a yes?" Larry laughed.

"Yes. Thank you so much! I promise... I promise I'll make it up to you. Thank you."

"Don't mention it kid. Grab your stuff-if you have-and let's get the fuck outta here. It's gettin' dark." Larry backed out of the alley, pointing his gun in front of him.

Frank grabbed his backpack off the dumpster behind him and fisher hat. He slipped on his backpack and put his hat on. He had a smile on his face and even the blood couldn't cover it.

* * *

The kids were good kids. Quiet and well behaved. If the world hadn't gone to shit Gerard would have loved to adopt a few with Jon.

Kids like these.

Gerard brushed Sue's long, dark hair away from her face as she slept peacefully with a stuffed bunny plushy in her tiny, frail arms.

She was Gerard's favourite.

She'd been through a lot... Both her parents were gone and she'd seen it happen. Her father was a brilliant, strong man and her mother was just the same.

It took Ashley a day to turn and Samuel 6 hours... It hit everyone hard when they both passed.

Sue didn't understand. She's too young to understand. She was never going to understand. Gerard feared that, but he expected it. No one understood why any of this was happening. No one ever would.

Gerard shifted until Sue was no longer lying in his lap. She grumbled and wiped her face subconsciously and Gerard froze until she calmed down.

Once silence repeated it's self Gerard sat up and got out of the bed. He looked down at Sue and then Gus. He was sound asleep too.

Gerard sighed, pushing his hair back and scratched his scalp. Kids were a lot of work... He'd rather go out and deal with zombies. They were easier to put to sleep.

Gerard exited the room and kept the door open agape. He pressed his back to the wall nearby and closed his eyes... He took a deep breath. A lot was going through his mind. 

Jon... Bert. 

He hoped they were okay. He hoped they were immune like him. And if anything happened to them and they turned... Gerard wouldn't be able to handle it.

What would he do without them?

A single tear rolled down Gerard's cheek and he quickly wiped it away, sniffling loudly.

No, no crying. He was sick of crying. He needed to be strong. He didn't want people to think he broke easily. He needed to be tough.

"Baby." Jon's deep voice echoed as he stepped around the corner. He had all his equipment on as well as a worried look etched on his handsome face.

Gerard gasped; shocked. He didn't expect him. Whatever tears he had sucked in started to flow down his face without consent. He didn't want Jon to witness another one of his breakdowns. Not again. It only made things worse.

"Are you okay?" Jon stepped closer to him.

Gerard pushed himself off the wall, wiping his face one more time and jetted down the hall; his head down, trying to hide the tears running down his face.

He rounded the corner near the vitamin shop and the bathrooms. He looked around to make sure no one was around and bolted into the girls' room, which was closer, and stumbled into the nearest stall before falling to his knees face first into the toilet.

He barfed. He puked everything he'd eaten that day, which wasn't much, and slouched over the toilet, gagging and coughing.

"G."

That voice again.

"Gerard, what the fuck." Jon pushed his hands under Gerard's arm pits and lifted him out of the toilet. "Baby, c'mon. Get up."

"Get the fuck off of me!" Gerard screamed, shoving his husband back as hard as he can.

The man stumbled back and fell against the wall behind him. He stared wide eyed at Gerard; his eyes watery and his mouth open agape.

"G... Your eyes."

Gerard wiped at his wet eyes and pushed his hands down in front of him to examine. Even though his vision was distorted there was no denying what the red liquid was covering his trembling hands...

Blood.

* * *

"He's fine, Jon. He's just been stressing himself out. He needs to sleep. He hasn't slept in days." Sally said quietly, pressing a hot rag on Gerard's forehead.

He was out. REM, sweating and snoring. He needed it.

"I'm just so fucking worried... He gets like this every fucking time. It scares the shit out of me." Jon said, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared down at his sleeping husband.

"Sweetheart, he's... He's human, y'know? Everyone has their way of coping with this new life we've been forced to live." Sally removed the rag from Gerard's forehead and dipped it in the bucket of hot water beside her. She reapplied it once she squeezed out most of the water.

"Well, he finally spoke to me today..." Jon laughed bitterly.

Sally looked up at him with furrowed brows. "What'd he say?" She asked in a hushed whisper.

"To get the fuck off of him." 

Sally frowned and sighed deeply. "He's just scared. He's trying to keep it together. I'm sure he didn't want you to see him like that."

"I'm his husband... For better or worse. I've seen him shit and shower for fucks sake." Jon plopped down on the chair next to Sally.

She laughed breathily and shook her head at his TMI outburst. "Well, this is completely different. People are dying, J."

Jon stared down at Gerard and he sighed, reaching out to move a strand of Gerard's hair off his face.

"I just hope he can get through this."

"We all do..."

* * *

"This is where you'll be stayin'... Now it ain't much, but once you get settled we're gonna have Sally give you a look over. She was a nurse before the world went to complete and utter shit so don't worry. She knows what she's doin'." Larry said, showing Frank his new room.

It was the video store and it was across the vitamin department.

Frank nodded and sat his bag down on the front counter. He already knew where he was going to set up his sleeping situation.

"I'll introduce you to the crew when the time is right. From what I heard Jon's husband isn't looking too good. Poor guy stresses himself out so much... Imagine going out that way... In the fucking apocalypse."

"Death by stress?" Frank looked up at Larry, doe eyed. "Could that happen?"

Larry laughed, slapping his back. "Don't worry kid. It's not likely."

Frank sighed and looked towards the front of the store. He can see that Bert guy standing in front of the vitamin store, walking back and forth.

"What's up with him?" Frank pointed.

Larry followed his finger and chucked. "Bert? He paces when he's worried. He's got a thing for Jon's boy. Can't really blame him. Pretty SOB with the attitude of a girl you'd have a boner for in high school."

"Does Jon know?" Frank questioned.

Larry laughed again, shaking his head. "Fuck no. That guy's oblivious. If he ain't screamin' at G he's talking to everyone about him. He's obsessed and fucking blind at the same time."

Frank rose a brow at that. "But they're married... Right? G and Jon? Before all this?"

"Yup." Larry nodded, turning his back to Frank. "Listen, I'll be right back. When I get back I'll show you around and introduce ya to everyone."

"Okay. Sounds good." 

"Good. See ya in a few."

Larry exited the video store and made his way over to Bert. He grabbed the man’s arm and pulled him away from the vitamin store.

Frank watched them until they disappeared.

* * *

"B-Bert..." Gerard grumbled as he blinked his eyes open. "J-J-Jon."

He receives no response in the black abyss.

"Jon!?" He shouted as he started to panic. It was so fucking dark and the silence was scaring the shit out of him.

"Baby—babe, I'm here." He sounded groggy. He had most likely been asleep close by.

Jon reached out to where Gerard was laid out on the cot right next to him and touched whatever part of Gerard he could reach. It turned out to be his cheek. 

"Jon. The light. Turn the light on. Please. I can't see anything." Gerard blinked hard, trying to adjust his eyes to the pitch black darkness. It was unsettling. He was so used to the dim effect of the light fixture inside of the furniture store.

Jon jumped up off his spot from the air mattress on the floor and rushed, carefully, to flick the light on. Once it cuts on he glares at Gerard, smiling sheepishly.

"Sorry about that. I thought you'd sleep all through the night."

Gerard pushed his hand to his forehead, cupping over his eyes. Now it was too fucking bright.

"Never do that again." He said coldly as he sat up slowly.

Jon sighed and started to make his way over to the water cooler in the middle of the store. He grabbed his plastic cup from the center table and filled it up with water. He brought over to Gerard and he took it with shaky, hesitant fingers.

"I just thought you could use the dark. It's been a while, y'know."

Gerard shook his head and released a shaky breath after he downed the fresh water.

"I thought I was dead."

The words lingered around like a thick, heavy cloud. Jon stared his husband dead in his eyes and a wave of guilt and abhorrence washed over him. He had a gut feeling that Gerard was already dead... The Gerard he was deeply and madly in love with died when the zombie apocalypse breached.

"Baby." Jon said, sighing. "C'mere." He patted his lap once he sat down on the mattress.

Gerard went to him, dragging his feet, and plopped down on his lap.

"Are you still mad at me?" Jon asked.

Gerard looked into his eyes and blinked. He didn't feel like he was mad, but he also didn't feel happy or sad. 

"No." He lied. It was only half true. "I'm not... I wasn't mad. I'm just... I don't know, Jon."

"Talk to me. Talk to me, baby. Help me understand. I can't take this anymore. I hate seeing you like this." Jon's hands go to Gerard's hips and his grips him there tightly.

Gerard shifts and takes a deep breath. He can feel the tears welling up again.

"Jon... No. No."

"Baby. Tell me. Tell me what's wrong."

Gerard bit down on his bottom lip and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He can hear the screaming in his head get even louder now. 

"No." He whispered, wrapping his arms over the older man's shoulders.

"Gerard."

Gerard shook his head and pushed himself against Jon's frame.

He didn't want to tell him.

"You need to tell me what's going on."

Gerard trembled and choked out a sob. He was going to lose everything. He was going to lose whatever he had left in this fucked world that made him feel safe. 

He wished he had died. He wished he wasn't immune. He wished he didn't sleep with Bert... Now he has to live with that guilt until it finally comes crashing down around him like a domino effect.

"No. I can't. I can't, Jon. I love you so much. So, so, so fucking much. That's what's killing me. I fucked up, baby. I messed up so fucking much."

He couldn't even understand what the fuck he was saying so there was no way Jon could either. He was going to involuntarily caress and kiss Gerard, because he knew he was struggling to stay sane. His warmth would let him know he wasn't alone... He knows Gerard knows that he would die for him. That's all he's ever known. 

"Shhh... Relax. I've got you. Calm down, baby." He smoothed his hands all over Gerard's trembling frame.

The man was choking out childlike sobs and deep, uneven breaths. He sounded like he was mortally wounded. Jon was pained just to hear those kind of noises leave his husband's mouth. It was agonisingly brutal to listen to... Especially when he couldn't do anything to calm him down.

Ten to fifteen minutes fly by and Gerard's no longer hysterical. All there's left is the breathless, hiccupy aftermath. Jon's still coaxing him with gentle words as well as soothing back rubs.

After laying a sleeping Gerard down on the mattress, Jon gets up to stretch and as he does he spots someone standing in front of the store. They had been watching the whole time—it seems—without letting Gerard or Jon know they were present.

Jon stares at the person, bleary eyed, trying to make out their identity. But just as he goes to check and see the person is already rushing off and Jon calls out to them.

"Bert?" Jon shouted in a whisper—he'd figured out who it was once he saw his messy hair—but the man just kept walking until he turned the corner and disappeard.

Jon stood in the dark silence, brows furrowed and his heart pounding...

Why was he watching them?

Jon stepped back into the vitamin shop and jumped in shock when he saw Gerard sitting up with his head thrown back.

He was breathing sharply, harshly, and Jon rushed to him without a second thought.

"Baby!" He screamed, pulling his husband forward. "Gerard!?"

Gerard's falls against Jon, gasping. The screaming in his head is all he hears. The zombies tearing flesh apart. The screams of the dying. 

"Gerard, what's wrong?!"

He convulses as Jon shakes him; his mouth starts to open to scream, but foam comes out instead. Jon is screaming now, but Gerard can't hear him. He can only see his mouth moving; shouting 'help us'.

Gerard starts to black out by the time the group gets to them. The last thing he remembers seeing is a person he's never seen before.

He's looking down at Gerard. He's looking down at him and it's like he's always known him.

* * *

"Is he fucking dead?" Larry asked as Gerard's eyes shut and his seizure suddenly stops.

It was a insensitive question, because he did look dead. His skin was pale with a yellow tint to it. His eye lids were veiny and red. He looked like a... Zombie.

"No." Jon answered after witnessing Gerard's chest rise. "Thank god." He reached out and grabbed Gerard's hand and gripped it tightly.

"We should tie him down just in case." M said loudly and everyone looked at him in shock. "What?! Didn't you see his fucking eyes?!"

Jon leaned over, slowly and pulled Gerard's lids up. His eyes were dilated and blood shot... Bloody.

"His heart is beating, Larry." Jon panicked. "He's not fucking dead. He can't be one of them. He's not."

Larry touched his gun on his hip as he stared down at Gerard. His skin was only getting more pale by the second and by this time his breathing was no longer noticeable. He was lying stiffly, not breathing, not moving... Not making a sound.

Everyone stared in silence and when Gerard suddenly twitched everyone pulled their guns out and aimed it at the living dead man on the air mattress.

"Stop!" Jon screamed. "Don't!" He blocked Gerard from the guns; his arms spread out like he was ready to hang on a cross... He would for Gerard. He would do anything for him.

Gerard was spluttering now, coughing up blood and Jon looked down at him and flipped him on his side.

"He's fucking gone, J. He's turning." Larry said, lowering his gun. "We need to tie him down at least."

Jon wasn't listening. He pounded his open hand on Gerard's back, helping him get all that blood out before he could choke on it.

Frank looked around, observing the dejected group. They were staring down at Jon as he attempted to prevent his husband's nearing death.

It was bizarre, but it was normal in a sense. This wasn't a new scenario. Everyone was dying one way or another.

"Jon..." Sally got down next him and touched his shoulder as he worked on Gerard. "Here." 

She had a water bottle in her hand and she turned Jon around to show him. "Give him this."

Jon took the bottle as soon as he saw it and turned back to Gerard. He sat him up against his chest and pushed the bottle to Gerard's lips. 

"C'mon baby... Drink, drink, fucking drink."

The blood washes down his face and the water slides down his throat. He breathes harshly through his nose and his eyes start to open slightly.

Frank backed up slightly when he catches the dead man's eyes.

It's an intense moment of silence and Frank takes one look at Jon's expression. He can't feel a pulse on his husband. It's written all over his face.

"Gerard... If you can fucking hear me." Jon whispered, holding Gerard's limp body tightly against his chest. "If you can hear my voice... Please, please baby, don't fucking go. Don't leave me."

Larry stepped forward as Gerard's fingers twitched and a groan leaves his mouth. There was something less dead about him now. 

He blinked his eyes open a second time and shifted in his husband's arms.

"J." He whispered huskily.

Everyone's guns immediately drop and the heavy, dark weight is lifted.

"Oh my god! Oh my god!" Jon sobbed, petting Gerard's sweat soaked hair back. "I thought I fucking lost you. I almost fucking lost you." He was choking out his words as Gerard's weak arms go around his shoulders on his own accord.

Sally rushes for a rag and when she comes back she hands it to Jon so he could clean the blood off of Gerard's face and neck.

Everyone was sighing in relief, touching Gerard's back and putting their hands in his hair.

Frank was watching from a distance. He couldn't believe what he had just witnessed.

This guy was dead. He was one of them. 

They were the same.


	4. Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard and Bert are hiding something.

"Nothing?" Jon asked, petting Gerard's hair back.

"Nothing." Gerard replied, snuggling under his husband's muscular arm.

They had been talking for an hour now. Jon was trying to help Gerard remember their conversation before he started to slip. He wanted to know what Gerard was thinking... What he was trying to tell him.

Gerard's hands smooth across Jon's chest and he palms him there, feeling over where his heart is. 

"I do remember one thing though." Gerard whispered, resting his head on Jon's chest. He listened to the man's heartbeat.

"What's that?"

Gerard closed his eyes...

"It's fuzzy..."

Jon shifted a bit, until Gerard was completely on top of him. 

"Tell me what you can."

Gerard sighed, swallowing the lump in his throat. He nodded stiffly and then took a deep breath. He can see those piercing, dead eyes staring down at him. They felt so familiar, but at the same time foreign... Like seeing something that resembled what you use to always know. 

"I think... I think I'm dead."

Jon lifted his head off the mattress slowly and looked down at Gerard with a frown on his face. Despite wanting to ask Gerard what he meant by that he decided to let him keep going without interjecting.

"I have to be. I must've... Died in my sleep... Back home. In our bed. This is just some sick afterlife." Gerard's voice trembled and his eyes were stinging. No tears came out. His eyes were burning like there was.

If he was right and all of this was just an afterlife dream—nightmare—he wanted it stop... He wanted to wake up in Jon's real arms.

"Baby... I'm here." Jon whispered, knowing exactly what Gerard wanted—needed—to hear. "I'm right here and even if all of this is a sick joke we'll be the one's having the last laugh. We have each other... That's all that matters. I love you... I love you so much."

Gerard shook with crying laughter and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth to prevent another outburst. He felt like he was having an outer body experience. None of this shit felt real. He didn't feel like himself.

"Please..." Gerard cried, whispering weakly. "Please, Jon... Prove it."

Jon's hands slide down Gerard's sides. He's massaging the younger man there, sensually. He wanted to rid his body of these brutal tremors.

They're face to face now. Gerard's lifting his cold hand up to Jon's throat and gripping it as their lips connect. They kiss feverishly.

The room is filled with their harsh, heavy breathing and Gerard's grinding his hips down onto Jon's. Their hands start to explore each other's bodies and Jon's first to pull an article of clothing off after he breaks the kiss.

He starts with his shirt and then Gerard's... He flips them until Gerard's a sweaty, writhing mess underneath him and then their lips are reattached. Moist, swollen and warm. 

Jon's yanking Gerard's pants down his hips and tossing them when they come off completely. Gerard gasps when his husband touches his cock and bucks up into his hand, moaning and gasping for more contact. 

"So beautiful... So fucking gorgeous." Jon whispered deeply, lowering himself until he was faced with Gerard's erection.

Gerard's hand's tangle themselves in Jon's hair as he continues to thrust his hips up. His husband's mouth is around him, taking his cock down the back of his throat.

Jon grips Gerard's hips in his hands, holding him down as he bobs his head up and down skillfully. He's making these noises that make Jon's cock twitch and he wants to keep making Gerard make those noises over and over again... So he does. He pushes his index finger against the cleft of Gerard's ass and he fingers him there teasingly, moving it around the puckered orifice.

"F-fuck... Fuck, Jon, fuck me." Gerard pressed down on the digit as much as he can and tossed his head back. He still had his hands in his husband's hair and he knew if he let go now he'd be a fucking mess. 

Jon adds a second finger and now he's scissoring them apart as he deep throats his husband. Gerard's hysterical with pleasure. He's thrusting and grinding and crying out as Jon hits his spot. That was his cue. Gerard had tensed up around his fingers and before he could cum Jon's removing his digits and lifting his mouth off of the younger man's cock instantly. Gerard's looking up at the ceiling as he untangles his fingers from Jon's hair. He spreads his legs apart and settles them around the older man's hips.

Jon leans forward, against Gerard, chest to chest. He places his elbows on either side of his husband's head and grips his hair tightly.

"Fuck me." Gerard grunted, tipping his head down to look Jon in his eyes. "Jon, fuck me." He begged.

Jon swallows hard and nods. He can feel the head of his cock against Gerard's hole and he holds himself there; he's enjoying the intensity of the moment. It's building up.

Gerard cries out when Jon slams into him in one swift thrust. The room is suddenly spinning for the both of them. All Gerard could do is hold on for dear life and try hard not to sound like a dying cat. 

"I've got you... I've got you." Jon grunted, bucking his hips involuntarily as Gerard clenched around him. 

"Don't stop." Gerard gasped as Jon picked up the pace.

Their lips meet for the third time and their tongues greet each other, swirling in and out of the others mouth sloppily. 

Jon knows anyone could walk in right now. It was only midday and surely someone would come looking for him to go on another run, but it didn't matter. He needed this. _They_ needed this.

Gerard's shouting, _oh god_ , over and over again and Jon can't handle it. The way his back bends and his breath gets caught in his throat. He knows the man is close. His toes start to curl and his moans turn high and whiny.

"There... There." Gerard whimpered, burying his face against the crook of Jon's neck. He's wrapped around the man like an octopus would it's prey. He's seeing black static every where and his abdomen feels warm and tingly... He's so fucking close.

Jon's hitting the younger man's spot deep now, grinding against the bundle of nerves until he's letting go. Jon doesn't stop. He keeps going until Gerard's a twitching, spasming mess beneath him. He cums after. Right after Gerard releases a content sigh and a mewl. It's all he needed to hear as he released inside of him.

They're catching their breath now. Jon had collapsed on top of Gerard, panting and nuzzling him. The aftershock was intense and right now he needed a fucking cigarette and a nap.

"Jon..." Gerard said, still panting.

"Y-yeah, baby." Jon pushed himself up and looked down at Gerard's debauched state.

His eyes were glassy and his lips were red and swollen. His skin looked delicate, like a porcelain doll. Jon moved his sweaty hand through Gerard's messy hair and dipped down to breathe in his scent. 

Jon pulled back abruptly and stared into Gerard's lifeless eyes...

"... Nothing."

* * *

"Heads or tails..."

"Heads."

Bert flipped the quarter up into the air and when it dropped he caught in his hand and fisted it before it could be revealed.

"Now, remember the deal... If it's heads I go get him... If it's tails you go get him. Got that?"

Frank nodded and took a deep breath. "Just show it,"

Bert chuckled and opened his hand.

"Would you look at that!"

Tails.

"Fine..." Frank sighed. "... Fuck, I don't wanna! Flip it one more time!"

"Nah, sorry bud. That wasn't the deal. Now get to it. We need that giant, handsome bastard."

Frank sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes. He hoped they weren't fucking anymore. He and Bert nearly walked in on it, but as soon as they heard moaning... Well, chants of 'fuck me' and 'oh god' they high tailed their asses away from that area. It would have been embarrassing if they had gotten caught. Jon was fucking built like a stallion. He could easily knock him and Bert out without breaking a sweat.

As he made his way back to the married couple's area he tiptoed. He could no longer hear moans and groans, but instead quiet talking.

"I love you... I want you to know that I'll always love you."

It wasn't Jon's voice. It was Gerard's and as Frank rounded the corner he could see the two men pressed closely together. Gerard was caressing Jon's bearded face, their foreheads were touching and Jon had his hand against the back of Gerard's head, burying his fingers in his long, greasy hair.

They were dressed, disheveled and undone, but still dressed. Frank felt peaceful watching them. They were a nice looking couple.

"Yeah, I know. I know, baby."

Frank rounded the corner once the words left Jon's mouth and he coughed to gain their attention. Jon's first to react, jumping up.

"Ah, hey... Frank." He said in a tone that didn't sound too happy to see him.

Gerard remained on the display mattress, pulling a blanket up against his frame. Despite being semi dressed he still felt like he had to cover up.

"Um, hey... Sorry to intrude, but Bert sent me to get you." Frank said to Jon but stared at Gerard. The man was looking down at his lap, trying not to pay attention.

Jon looked between the two men and felt the tension. 

"Do you two know each other?"

Gerard looked up at Jon quickly. He shook his head. 

"No." Frank said, pushing his hands in his pockets. "But... I did see him on runs. It's just weird seeing him now... After that episode. How're you feeling?"

Gerard averted his blank eyes to Frank.

"I'm fine... I'm good. I've never been better." He said coldly, dropping the blankets on the mattress and fixed the last button on his shirt. He wanted to fix himself up and go find a bottle of whiskey. He needed a fucking drink.

"That's good. I'm Frank, by the way."

Gerard stood up abruptly, without a word, and walked past Jon and Frank. He avoided brushing shoulders with them and kept his head down as he still tried to fix his shirt. He didn't want to chit-chat. He wasn't in the mood. He disappeared and Frank glanced at Jon with a confused expression on his face.

"He's had a long day..." Jon said in his husbands defence, running his fingers through his hair. He let out a deep sigh and licked his lips. "We all have."

Frank nodded. "We're going on a run. You ready?"

"Yeah, let me grab my gear."

The older man rushed out of the area and Frank did the same, going back to where he left Bert.

Bert's leaning against the wall, talking to M. They're laughing under their breaths. Frank approaches them with a smile on his face.

"Jon's comin'."

"Yeah, but is he dressed now?" Bert teased.

M laughed loudly, turning red in his face, and slapped his knee. 

"Oh c'mon. They were both done and dressed. I meant he's coming with us." Frank said, rolling his eyes. "We don't have to relive that."

Bert smirked and lowered his eyes. His mind was still in the gutter.

Frank stared at him for a moment before he built up the courage to ask the question swirling around in his mind.

"What's wrong with that Gerard guy? I mean, I know he's sick, but I don't think he likes me... Did I do something?"

M snickered and shook his head. "He's good people, but he's iffy about strangers. Plus, you're a guy. A 'new guy'. Last time we had a new guy in here he tried raping Amber. It was a mess. Jon kicked the shit out of him and Larry tossed his ass out. He was destroyed by a whole horde of zombies."

Frank cringed and hissed. He ran his hand up and down his scarred up arm and shook his head in disgust.

"Rough." He whispered and Bert hummed, nodding his head.

"So, new guy... Don't try to rape anyone." M added, shaking his finger at the young man.

Frank nodded stiffly and adverted his eyes back to Bert who was no longer smirking. He looked dejected... There was something this entire group was hiding. Well, at least Gerard and Bert. 

_I wonder_ , Frank thought.

"I'm ready to go. Sorry about the long wait. Got preoccupied."

Jon bellowed, entering the area with all his gear equipped. Bert suddenly looked up; his eyes were cold. There was guilt in them... There was definitely something going on with this group.

"Let's go." Bert said, snapping out of his daze and pushed himself off the wall.

Frank nodded, following behind the group of men. He couldn't stop wondering what was wrong with these people. But right now...

Right now... Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shortness, guys <3


	5. Raiders

"So are you and J my new daddies?"

Gerard blinked down at Sue with giant saucer eyes. He knew this day would come. The little girl clinged to him like a newborn child would with it's mother. Gerard didn't mind though. He loved her as if she was his own.

"Sue..." Gerard sighed, pulling the young girl into his lap. "That's not how things work, baby. I love you and I'm always going to take care of you, but..."

He trailed off as she stared at him with puppy eyes.

Gerard sighed again and shook his head. He averted his eyes over to Gus. He was watching The Little Mermaid on DVD. It's his favorite movie at the moment.

"Sweetie, why don't you lie down with Gus and watch the movie? I have to talk to Sally and Amber about something... Okay?"

Sue nodded, crawling out of Gerard's lap gingerly and plopped down on her bed. She was focused on the TV now, smiling as Ariel started singing. Gerard smiled too, leaving the room. He shut the door behind himself and started towards the food court where Amber and Sally would be, prepping and cooking.

"Hey." Gerard called out, approaching the young women.

Amber blinked up at him and smiled warmly at him.

"Heya handsome." She waved and Gerard rolled his eyes. She always called him that. "How do you like being a new daddy?"

Sally wasn't paying attention to them. She was too busy chopping onions and lettuce.

"Well, for starters, it's not fucking easy... I'd much rather do Runs to be honest."

Amber howled in laughter, throwing her head back.

"Right?!" She asked, letting out a high pitched giggle.

Gerard nodded, leaning over the counter of the Subway they were in.

"Sue... She's expecting to call me and Jon daddy now. I didn't know how to handle that."

Sally glanced up at him and frowned. "She asked me if she can call me mommy and Jon daddy." 

Gerard glanced right back at her and arched a brow. Amber looked between them. She could sense the tension.

No one said anything.

Suddenly, Amber laughed awkwardly and sat her knife down on the table. 

"G, can I talk to you for a minute?" She asked, dusting her hands on her jeans.

Gerard slowly tore his eyes off of Sally and nodded.

"Yeah... Sure."

He allowed the teenage, red headed girl to drag him down the court and towards the escalators.

"Listen." She started, letting go of Gerard's arm. "She and I know what happened between you and Bert. He told us, ok?"

Gerard was taken aback. Bert fucking blabbed?! He promised he wouldn't tell anyone! Did he have a fucking death-wish?

"Oh?" Gerard pursed his lips and decided to play dumb. "And what happened between Bert and I?" He cocked his hip and crossed his arms over his chest.

"You two slept with each other that day you and Jon got into it... When you went on that Run with Bert without telling anyone... The one you got bitten on."

Gerard completely dropped his defensive stance and pushed his hands through his greasy hair. He took a deep breath and shook his head frantically.

"... I.... I was just. It wasn't." He stammered and took a deep breath. "You weren't there, so you don't know what it was like."

Amber looked back at Sally, making sure she wasn't nearby, and then faced Gerard sternly.

"I know, but Sally wants to tell Jon. She fucking likes him and she's hoping he'll leave you for her. Haven't you seen the way she looks at him?"

Gerard laughed under his breath and sneered. Of course he has. She's fucking obsessed.

"I'm not blind, Amber. And I see the way she looks at me, too."

It was Amber's turn to laugh again. "If looks could kill, right?" She asked.

"I would've died that day I was bitten... I'm surprised she even bothered to bandage me at all." Gerard said with a sigh. He wasn't exactly cordial himself, but he was grateful...deep down.

Amber sighed and looked at his arm. She nodded. "Yeah... But at least you know now. I told her to stay out of your marriage, but I don't know how much longer 'till she spills the beans. You need to tell him yourself. Maybe he won't flip out like you think he will. John's a pretty understanding dude."

Gerard nibbled on his bottom lip. He wanted to rip his mouth off. He wanted to to go up on the roof throw himself off. He didn't want to tell Jon. He didn't want to lose him. He lost enough.

"Even if I do tell him and if he ends things... Let her know he's never going to be her's. He loves me, Amber. That man fucking loves me." He jabbed himself in his chest with his thumb. "He asked me to marry him five years ago before all of this shit. He would kill for me. He has. You fucking tell Sally he'll never love her."

Amber was listening and nodding. She was also humming and mentally taking notes.

"Tell her to fuck off. Or I will."

That was the last thing Gerard says before he's turning on his heels and marching back into the direction of the kids room.

* * *

"Here!" Bert screamed, shooting the last zombie in grocery store. He waved his hand up in the air for the rest of the guys to follow his lead.

Frank was already close by, yanking his machete from the head of a dead-dead cashier. The blood gushed every where and he shakes the blade in the air swiftly, getting some of the blood off.

Jon's already in the isles, grabbing necessities and shoving them in his bag.

"Bunch of batteries back here, fellas!"

Larry joins him, grabbing duck-tape and a small tool-kit.

"Jack pot!" M hollers, pulling open one of the freezers in the back. "Looks like we got our self some rainbow sorbet ice-cream!"

Everyone lets out their unique war-cry and Frank laughs, fist pumping. 

"Sue and Gus are gonna love this." Jon smiled, grabbing two pint sized tubs from M and shoved them into the opening of his bag.

"And Gerard." Bert adds. "He's got a sweet-tooth."

"The sweetest tooth." Jon laughed, grinning proudly at Bert.

Frank, M and Larry join in with the laughter until suddenly, a loud gun shot comes from outside. Everyone's smiles drop and hold their weapons out in front of them.

"SAW THEM GO IN THE GROCERY STORE, BOSS! AFTER THEY LEFT THE MALL!"

Jon's eyes go wide and his heart drops. 

Raiders... And by the sound of it... Lots.

* * *

Gerard was falling asleep. His arms were wrapped around both Sue and Gus. They were both asleep, snuggled up against him.

He wanted to get up, but he was so comfortable... He also wanted to fall asleep, but his conversation with Amber was imbedded into his brain. 

Fresh and nagging.

What was he supposed to do now? They both knew about his affair with Bert... If you could call it that in the fucking zombie apocalypse. He knows what he did was wrong, but he was pissed at Bert. He had no right telling the girls about what they did. It wasn't right.

Suddenly, when he finally feels himself drifting off he hears a loud bang. It's from down the hall. Gerard jumps up and the kids wake up, whining and crying out.

"Shhh!" He hissed, grabbing them both and holding them tightly.

They squeeze onto him for dear life. Gerard could feel their small hearts beating uncontrollably against his rib cage. He swallows the lump in his throat and listens to the noise outside the room.

Loud bangs, slamming, rustling. Chaos.

One word pops into Gerard's head... Raiders.

He forces himself to let go of the kids and he pulls his gun off the end table near the TV and holds it steadily in his hands. He looks the kids in their eyes and pushes his index finger to his lips and then points under the bed.

They immediately scurry off the bed and do as their told.

"I'll be right back. Don't move. Don't talk. Don't... Don't worry." Gerard whispered; his voice trembling.

Sue nods, pulling Gus and herself further under the bed and when Gerard can't see them he takes a deep breath and turns to face the door. He point his gun to it and inches closer.

"Come out, come out wherever you are!!!"

Gerard's arm shake as he listened to the voice of the Raiders. They were taunting,

"We know you're in here! Two girls. Two kids... And one pretty, little lady-boy..."

The mans voice is raspy and his friends cackle like hyenas in the background. 

Gerard knows he can take at least two-three Raiders, but it sounded like there was at least six of them. He wouldn't be able to take them alone.

He hoped Sally and Amber were okay... Hidden or getting ready to take them on. He knew they could handle themselves, but Sally wasn't a good shot. Amber was though... But if Amber was caught off guard... They might already have her.

Gerard gnawed on his bottom lip, tearing it until he bleeds as he pulls open the door to the kids room. He squeezes through, not opening the door completely so it wouldn't make noise and closed it slowly. It's dark in the hall right now which meant they shut off the main lights. Gerard remains pressed against the kids door, holding the gun out in front of him.

He can't control his breathing right now... He was shaking so much. He needed to get away from the kids room, because if the Raiders found him they would find Sue and Gus. God forbid.

Slowly, gun still pointing in front of him, Gerard slides along the wall. He's trying to get down the hall. He manages to get towards the food court and that's when he heard a rattle and the sound of a chain sliding along the hard floor.

"Look who we have here, fellas. Looks like we found the lady-boy."

Gerard whirled around and as he does his gun is slapped out of his hand. It hits the floor and someone kicks it away.

He's being yanked by the back of his head and slammed to the ground. The scream he releases it mind-splitting and it echoes. The laughter surrounding him echoes too and now he can't breathe. His face is being jammed into the ground over and over again... Now he's being flipped over and being choked. His hands flail hopelessly. He can't fucking breathe and his ears can't handle the cruel words and laughter directed at him.

"Get him up! Who wants to go first?!"

"I do! Flip him on his front though. I wanna' yank his hair and call him a girl's name."

"Fuck off! You went first the last time!"

"I'm fucking going first!"

Gerard's screams in the background is the soundtrack to the Raiders banter. He's clawing at whoever's hand is tangled in his hair, but his nails are too blunt. He's not doing any damage.

"I'm goin' first. Fuck y'all."

Gerard feels rough hands tugging down his pants and underwear and now he's fighting harder. Kicking, screaming and punching any chance he gets, but it's futile. There are too many Raider's on him.

"One of you assholes go find the girls and another one of you assholes go find the kids. We need more people to rape and a fucking audience."

Gerard cried out as a finger slips inside of him. It jabs in all the wrong places and he's fucking crying now. 

Where the hell were Jon and Bert?


	6. Familiar Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only thing they all share in common is... Fear.

"Two near the rear... Four near the lot. Bert, M and Jon take the lot. Frank, you and I have the rear. Here." Larry tossed Frank a pistol and he catches it. "We gotta make this quick and get back to the safe house. No one fucking die."

With those parting words the men split up and Frank follows close behind Larry, holding his pistol in both hands.

"Don't be scared, okay Frank? Think about surviving. Think about living this shit, okay? 'Cause that's what we're going to do."

Frank nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. Easier said than done. He's never been in a situation like this before. He'd rather deal with zombies at this point... But people? Fuck that. They were bad news. They were worse than the living dead.

"Can't have you dyin' on me." Said Larry, pressing his back up against the wall. "We just met."

Frank positioned himself as close to Larry as he possibly could and chuckled nervously.

Gun shots are fired in the lot and Frank jumped in shock. He can hear people screaming. The Raiders he and Larry are supposed to take care of are trying to charge into the building.

Larry aimed his shot gun forward.

"Let's make this quick. We'll be cornered if we stay in one spot for too long."

Frank nods and points his gun in the same direction. The two scruffy guys nearing the store have no clue that they're walking straight to their death and when they walk in Larry shoots the guy on the right directly in the back of his head.

"Don't shoot!"

The guy on the left screams, whirling around with his hands in the air, pistol high up.

Frank freezes and Larry shoves him.

"What the fuck are you doing?! Shoot him!"  


Frank stares the young man in his face. Fear is written all over it.

Larry pushes him down and aims his gun to the man, no older than 20, and shoots him down.

"What the hell is your problem?! These people are RAIDERS! If you don't kill 'em they'll fuckin' kill you and it's not a quick death either."

Frank is drenched in sweat and he's gone white all over. He's never killed anyone before. He was in shock. He fucking froze up.

"T-that could've been me."

Larry glared at Frank as the words left his mouth. He sneered and roughly grabbed th boy by the back of his neck.

"Jon. Bert. M... Me."

Larry's eyes are hard and their foreheads are pressed together.

"Not just you."

Frank's staring directly into Larry's cold eyes and he's nodding sternly. He feels like he let him down... Let himself down.

"Never again, okay?"

Gun shots are blasting the whole lot, echoing throughout the property and Frank cringed before he could reply to Larry.

"OKAY?!" Larry tried again.

"Okay." Frank finally echoed back, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Good." Larry said, letting go of Frank. 

"Let's go."

They make their way through the front exit and peek through the window. Jon is spotted, hidden behind a black jeep and Bert is right across behind a red mustang. 

A few dead guys are laid out around the lot and zombies are going at them, ripping apart their flesh and devouring them. M is no where in sight and neither are the live Raiders.

"What do we do?" Frank asked. His gun was no longer trembling in his hands. He was focused.

"We help. Get on the roof. I'll slip through the back. Cover me."

Frank nodded and hurried through the roof access doors. The staircase is short and he manages to get up on the roof, scurrying across it. He can already see Larry sneaking around the lot and Frank spots a zombie on his tall. 

He aims and he shoots. Headshot.

Larry looks up at him and gives him a thumbs up as he continues to make his way through the lot. Frank's eyes are literally burning and he doesn't know how long it's been since he last blinked... But he wasn't about to any time soon.

"GO! GO! Too many zombies!" 

Frank heard an unknown voice scream and the voice was right. They were being bombarded with walking corpses. The gun shots attracted them and Frank knew the more he shot the more zombies would appear.

He aimed and took deep breaths. Larry was with Jon and Bert now, running into the store and Frank lowered his gun and ran back to the roof exit and rushed down the stairs. He bumped into the guys and looks around. M is missing and Jon is clutching onto his arm with blood soaking his fingers.

"Holy shit." Frank gaped. 

"He's been shot." Bert said quickly, rushing through the exit with his gun out in front of him and takes down a zombie.

They were lucky it was just that one... The whole parking lot was basically a cemetery party now.

"W-where's M?!" Frank asked as they rushed down the street. They had a shortcut they took to get back to the mall without any hassle from zombies.

A fence. A lock... A broken lock now.

When Jon sees it his eyes widen. Frank could see his pupils dilate and hand tighten on his wound.

No one answered his question about M.  


They all start to run and Jon is ahead of them. Even wounded he's the fastest and when Frank gets by him he sees all the veins in his neck and face is drained from its natural light olive. 

He looked like a zombie.

* * *

Broken... To Gerard, is such a funny word. How could you break something/someone that was already broken? 

They couldn't break him. They couldn't break him even if they begged.

He lied there with that word in thought. His whole body felt... Nothing. Not anymore. He can't remember why he was even crying in the first place. 

His hands are bound together with tightly tied bandanas and his legs are being pushed apart for the fourth time. They decided to keep him on his front. They said that there was no reason to flip him over for long... That they were going to cut his dick off and toss it to the zombies.

He hoped that they would kill him after... He hoped that they would put a gun to his head and pull the trigger. If he survived... If they kept him and took him away to their safe house...

Is that why he was crying...? Because he would survive this?

Gerard lost his train of thought and grunted when the biggest and heaviest of the Raider's positioned himself on top of him. He pressed his chest onto Gerard's and breathed his dirty breath on his face. He was practically crushed under this mans weight. Gerard cringed and moved his head to the side. He didn't want to be face to face with this animal.

"Gonna' stay quiet this whole time? How 'bout you let me hear your pretty screams again." The Raider said, grunting as he violated the man beneath him.

Gerard remained silent. Eyes vacant and his body limp. The only thing he felt was nausea. There was no fucking way he was going to give any kind of feedback to these sick, rapist assholes. As far as he was concerned they were fucking a corpse... And that's when it hit him... 

He was already dead. 

The Raider above him was picking up his pace, grabbing handfuls of Gerard's hips and wheezing like a dying, old man.

"Not big enough for him, Cedric. Maybe he needs another down his throat." The raider who seemed to be in charge laughed.

Gerard's eyes explored the food court now that his vision adapted to the darkness. They were smack dab in the middle. Where there was supposed to be tables and chairs. He remembered the day they moved them. They only kept a few and they were in a janitor closet somewhere.

Gerard whimpered, arching his back. This was his plan. He could use this space as an advantage. He gasped and writhed and moaned.

The raider above him stilled and the lead Raider was quiet as he listened to the sounds Gerard was making. 

Gerard rolled his hips and threw his head back. "That the best you could fucking do?" He growled and the Raider looked over to his leader.

"Hank... This supposed to be happening?"

Clearly he wasn't into the idea of fucking a man unless the man he was fucking didn't want it. Taking something without permission made him feel masculine.

Gerard looked over to 'Hank'. 

"You guys call this a fucking rape? My husband role-plays a better sadist than you fucking assholes."

Just as the words leave his mouth Cedric pulls his fist back and it crashes against Gerard's mouth. His head hit the floor and his eyes black out like a tv that lost power in the middle of a show. He could have sworn he heard his own jaw crack and now the entire room was spinning.

"CED! Why'd you go and do that?!" Hank screamed. "Get the fuck off of him!"

Ced did. He pulled himself out roughly and awkwardly crawled off of Gerard's half naked frame, panting and swearing under his breath. Gerard's head is lolling from side to side and he could feel the metallic tang of blood slide down his throat. Even though that wasn't part of his plan he wasn't going to give up.

"You're bleeding all over." Hank whispered, getting down to Gerard's level. "I wonder... How many dicks does it take to kill a faggot. What a way to go, right? Full of dicks. It's a dream come true for you... I'm sure."

Gerard spat blood as he turned his head to the side. It misses the floor and slides down the side of his face instead.

"Are you gonna' make my dreams come true...?" Gerard asked and Hank grabbed his chin and inched their faces close together.

"What do you want?"

Gerard felt so fucking drained. He wanted to get this over with.

"I want you to stick your cock down my throat." He managed to say with his eyes unwavering.

Hank's eyes darted all over Gerard's face. Specifically focusing on his lips. He removed his hand from Gerard's chin and backed up completely.

"Get him on his knees, Ced. We'll give him what he wants. Maybe instead of killing him like we planned we'll just keep him as a sex slave back at base... Roy'll love him."

Gerard was hoisted off his back and forced on his knees in front of Hank. The man looked down at him, whipping his cock out and stepped closer to Gerard.

"Get to it. Prove why you deserve to live."

Gerard nodded, bowing his head a bit. 

He was hiding his manic eyes behind his hair. Oh, he was going to _prove_ it alright.

* * *

They're inside the mall and it's dark. They're in the stairwell and Jon was already up, busting through the doors screaming his husband's name.

Bert is quiet. Larry's quite. Frank... Frank is trying not to jump to conclusions. It was hard not to though.

All he could imagine was blood. Blood everywhere. Raider markings and body pieces scattered around. They write 'HA HA' on the walls with the blood of their victims... They lived to ruin lives. The few lives that were left.

"And if they're... Dead." Bert finally broke the silence. "What are we going to do?"

Larry shook his head as they reached the double doors.

"We bury them." Frank heard Larry whisper as they enter.

Gun shots and screaming is all they could hear now. The sound of a zombie snarling and Jon screaming. Larry and Bert charge into the direction of where the commotion was coming from and Frank was right behind them. 

The lights suddenly cut on and Jon is pinned to the wall in the food court, holding a zombie by the throat as it charges for his throat.

Before anyone could react Jon jams his blade into it's head and it hits the floor. Lifeless. For real this time.

"Are you okay?" Larry asked, rushing to Jon's side. He looked into the mans eyes, searching for an answer in them.

"I'm fine." Jon spoke after catching his breath. 

"Were you bit?" Bert asked sternly, not moving from his spot next to Frank.

"I said I'm fine! Where the fuck is my husband?! Where the fuck is he?! How about him?! Is he FINE?!" Jon screamed, flailing his non injured arm around.

Frank looked around. He was no where in sight... But there was blood everywhere.

"If those Raider's were dead that must mean Gerard, the girls, and the kids are okay." Frank said and Jon glared at him with so much exhaustion and sadness in his eyes. He was the poster boy for hope.

Larry took a deep breath. 

"It ain't lookin' too good." He put his hands on his hips and spat onto the bloody floor. "Blood everywhere... Only one dead Raider. It doesn't add up."

Jon looked around frantically, searching for something that could tell him Gerard was okay. He rushed to the escalator and took it up. The lights had been off when they came in. Maybe Gerard and the girls were the ones that cut them on. Frank remained by Larry and Bert's side. He waited to hear something... Like a sigh of relief.

"I think we all know what this means..." Larry started and Bert nodded.

"This ain't home anymore. We gotta move. Relocate. Find some place safe. Other Raiders'll come snoopin' around when their buds don't come back home."

"We have to find a place... A place away from zombies and Raider's." Bert interjected and Larry nodded.

Frank only listened. 

He wanted to tell them no such place existed, but it wasn't the time to break spirits.

Suddenly, there's a cry up stairs and a strangled sob following behind it. Bert, Larry and Frank glare at one another before they rush to the scene, guns up and ready.

* * *

Jon's arms are around him once they reach one another. Gerard has never ran so fast in his entire life--not even from zombies-- and when his husbands smell evades his senses he nearly gives out.

"Baby... My god. My fucking god." Jon was holding Gerard's head in his hands, kissing every inch of his bruised and bloody face. 

"I'm so... I'm so glad you're okay, baby."

He was trembling all over. They both were and Gerard was falling all over him; his arms were grasping as if he would fall off of his husband and die. 

The sound of footsteps don't even break them apart. Neither does Larry, Frank and Bert's voice.

"Where are the girls and the kids?" Bert asked and Frank looked around, expecting to find them close by.

Gerard heard the question but pecked his husband on the lips before tearing himself away to answer.

"They're safe. They're on the roof... All of them. I told them to bar the doors and... And stay there after I... After I took care of the last Raiders."

"You... Took care of the Raider's...?" Bert asked. "How? How the hell did you get out of that?"

Gerard averted his gaze to the ground and took a deep breath. Was he supposed to tell them? He slowly pulled his wrists up and showed them the damaged flesh. Immediately, Jon grasps them, gasping.

"Did they... Gerard, did they ra—hurt you?" Jon couldn't say the word. He couldn't say it because he was too busy imagining it. He wanted to kill someone... He wanted to murder those bastards all over again.

Gerard shook his head as his eyes remained on the floor.

"It didn't hurt. I'm fine."

Jon released a shaky breath as he placed his hand under Gerard's chin. He forced the younger man to look him in his eyes.

"What happened?" He asked; his voice stern yet his eyes were soft.

Gerard blinked and stared into Jon's eyes. 

He could feel everything Jon was feeling. He could think what he was thinking...

Gerard could still taste the bloody flesh in his mouth.

... Fear.

Familiar fear.


	7. He Cried

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lose or win? Walk or run? Fight or die?
> 
> It's your life so it's your choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! So a few questions are going to be answered, yay! 
> 
> Enjoy!

Amber had her hand over Sally's mouth. Saliva, tears and sweat made it hard to keep her hand there... All they can hear is Gerard's screams, the Raiders laughing and spitting and saying awful, dirty things.

This wasn't suppose to be happening. No one knew about them. No one was suppose to know. They didn't have any S.O.S signs.

The only explanation Amber can think of is that they were being followed and watched. It scared her how they also knew the amount of their group and waited until the guys left so that they were alone and outnumbered.

Forget about fighting, she told her self. Get to the kids and run someplace safe... Wherever the hell that was.

In that moment she heard one of the Raiders mention her and Sally... And the kids. She wanted to help Gerard--her friend--but there were too many Raiders and they were all pinning Gerard down.

"Sally... Sally. I'm gonna' let go of you." Amber whispered in the blonde girls ear as quietly as she possibly could. "Don't say a wor--"

Gerard's scream cuts her off and Sally whimpered. They could hear the Raiders taunting cat-calls. All directed to Gerard.

Amber shuddered. She couldn't believe how useless they were. But she knew how Gerard was. He wouldn't want them to expose themselves. He wouldn't want them to risk helping him and getting caught. But she couldn't just do nothing. She had to get the kids... Get the kids and... She didn't have a plan. She didn't have a fucking plan. They were fucked. They were all going to die.

She finally lowered her hand from Sally's mouth and pulled her gun from its holster around her waist and loaded it. Sally watched her. Wide eyed.

It was suddenly quiet. Gerard was no longer screaming. One question invades Amber's mind... Is he dead?

"Can't find them anywhere... Where the fuck are they? This place is fucking huge. We're never going to find them."

It's the voice of one of the raiders. They sound close by and Sally inches further into the room, bringing her own hand against her mouth. 

"If we don't find those girls we're just going to have to take that fag with us... 'Least he looks like a bitch. Not too bad a find if you ask me."

Amber was filled with rage. How could there be people in the world like this? Why did they want to make their lives more miserable than it already was? WHY?!

"Fuck it... We'll just--"

A loud scream and the sound of a gun going off causes the nearby Raiders to scatter back into the direction they came from.

"HE BIT ME! HE FUCKING BIT ME!"

Sally stared at Amber in shock. Was the Raider talking about Gerard? Did Gerard bite someone?

Amber shoved the door open to the janitor closet they were in and pointed her gun out in front of her. She aimed towards the two raiders who were still making their way to the commotion with their flashlights in front of them and shot them both down. Head shot.

"SALLY! Let's go!" She screamed over the loud screaming and yanked the girl by her arm and dragged her out of the closet.

* * *

Gerard's head hits the ground as Hank shoved him back--off of his cock--there's blood everywhere and Cedric is panicking, trying to help Hank out.

All Gerard can hear is screams. Deep screams, high screams, growl screams and it was driving him crazy. His head felt like it was going to fucking explode!

Can anyone else hear these screams? Why weren't they reacting? Why were they just in on one another.

Just as Gerard was about to sit up he feels a gun press up against his temple. Cold. He takes a deep breath and looks into the eyes of Raider Cedric and blinked at him through wet, swollen eyes.

"What the fuck did you do to him?!"

That's when Gerard's eyes move to Hank. He was convulsing on the floor. Blood was rolling out of his eyes and his mouth was spewing foam.

"TELL ME!"

Gerard shifted without a word and Cedric pistol whipped him, sending him back to the floor with a groan.

"You're gonna' stay here and get fuckin' eaten now. You son of a bitch. You don't deserve to be put down."

Cedric runs off and Gerard rolls onto his back. He can't see the big man anymore and he's relieved.

Gerard sat up once again and looked around. His vision is now one hundred percent with the darkness and he stands up. His wrists are still bound and he starts to stumble down the hall, leaving Hank to turn alone.

He just wanted to find the girls and find the kids. They needed to get the fuck out of here.

Nearly running now, Gerard enters his and Jon's room and sat on their bed. He was trying to take apart the bandanas around his wrist as quickly and quietly as possible. He didn't want the other Raiders to find him.

* * *

"GERARD!" Amber screamed, kicking door after door open, searching for the man. They couldn't find him anywhere.

"They killed him. They killed him." Sally kept saying, holding Gus in her arms and holding Sue's hand as they walked down the escalators. 

Amber ignored her and called out her friend's name again.

"GERAR--"

She stops when she hears something coming from Jon and Gerard's room... Rustling and whimpering. Someone sounded like they were struggling.

"Stay close behind me." Amber whispered, looking back at Sally and the kids.

Sally nods and inches behind the red head instantly.

They enter the area, passing the regular shops and bathroom section. Amber stuck her head in each one, but stepped back immediately. The noises were getting closer and closer and now it was in front of them.

Gerard was lying on his side, arms bound behind his back. His entire body was trembling due to the sobs leaving his mouth. He was growling almost, spitting and whimpering. He sounded deranged.

Amber was afraid.

"G-Gerard..." 

She slowly approached him with her gun aimed at him just in case. 

The man jolted up; his hair wild and drenched in blood. There was blood everywhere. On the front of his shirt, on his naked thighs.

She looked back up to his face once she noticed he was naked from the waist down and rushed to his side. Sally pulled the kids close by, out of the way though so they wouldn't have to see the man in the state that he was in.

"I can't get rid of it. It won't go away." Gerard whimpered as Amber started to untie the blood soaked bandana's from around his wrists. 

"What are you talking about?" She asked in a low whisper. The man was staring ahead at nothing, breathing in and out harshly. The blood all over his face made him look like a completely different person. He didn't look human.

"Screams... The screaming. It's so loud."

Amber freed him from the bloody bandana knot and frowned. His wrists were raw and bleeding. The Raiders messed him up badly.

"Gerard." She started; her voice trembling. "Come on. We have to hide. We have to hide and wait for the others to come back."

She grabbed the man by his arm and pulled him up.

"Put some pants on." She grabbed a pair of sweats off the floor and handed them to Gerard.

Gerard nodded, slipping them on with his hand on Amber's shoulder so he wouldn't fall over. She touched his hand, making sure he didn't accidentally let go and topple over. He cries out, falling onto his side when he finally gets his pants on. Amber hoists him up and pushes him against the wall.

"Gerard. You have to be strong. We have to stay strong. Gus and Sue need you. We need you to stand up."

She looks down on the spot where Gerard was sitting and caught a glimpse of a giant blood stain. Still wet. She couldn't believe this was happening. Gerard choked back a sob, shaking his head. The screaming wasn't going away. The red was getting darker, turning black. Sue and Gus whimpered. The young boy buried his face in Sally's hair and Sue wrapped her arms around her leg, pushing her face into Sally's hip.

"Get up, Gerard. We need you!"

The sound of men shouting causes them all to yelp and Sally inches closer to Amber and Gerard.

"There are a few more left! We need to go, Amber! If he doesn't want to get up we can't make him. Let's go. Now!"

Gerard raised his hand up and it caught their attention. He uses his other hand to pick his gun off the clip on his jeans.

Quickly, he rises and starts towards the exit of the store. The girls and the kids are far behind.

"Let's just get the fuck out of here man. I have a bad feeling about this... What if that guy they were fucking turned. What if he got the guys."

"Paul... If you don't shut the fuck up..."

Gerard can hear them like they're in front of him. He knows they're probably no more than a few feet and if he blinks he'll miss them. He turns the corner and there they are. Their backs are to him and he points his gun in front of him. He pulls the trigger without hesitation. The other guy jumps and it's his turn. Gerard wants to see his face when he kills him so he doesn't aim for his head. He gets him in the leg and then his other and he falls to the floor with his gun falling out of his hands. Gerard charged at him and kicked the gun away. He grabs the man by his hair and forces him to look into his eyes.

"You think this is fucking fun, huh? You like fucking killing and raping? You like that!? Hm?!"

The man cries out as Gerard jams his gun under his chin.

"Say you're fucking sorry! Fucking apologize!" 

When the man remains whimpering in pain Gerard pistol whips him and he screams.

"I'm sorry! Fuck, I'm fucking sorry!" He hollered, attempting to break free from Gerard's hold.

Gerard can feel a smile tugging on his lips and a giggle pushes his lips apart. The man in his grip looks into his eyes. He looks like he's going to cry... Or piss himself. Or both.

"Apology not accepted." Gerard whispered, pressing the gun against the mans temple. 

He pulls the trigger.

Amber and Sally are watching the scene end and the kids are shaking. Gerard stands up right and pushes his free hand through his hair, getting blood in it. He takes a deep breath and lifts his head up high.

"We need to get on the roof."

And they do. They don't run. They walk... Because they can. No one can take that right away from them.

* * *

The moment Jon pulls him into the store they call home he starts to cry. He looks over Gerard's frame and shakes his head, sniffling.

"I'm so sorry, baby... I. I should have been here. I should have--"

Gerard pulls the taller man into a hug and presses his hands against the back of his head. His nails work through his husbands sweat soaked hair.

"Shhh... Not now, Jon. We need to get our things... We need to go. We--"

Jon plants a kiss against his mouth and it takes Gerard's breath away. His arms wound up around his neck, tightly, as he kisses back. Jon winces loudly as Gerard accidentally touches his wound and they break apart. Gerard looks into his eyes with furrowed brows and a frown on his lips.

"Did Sally bandage you properly?" Gerard's eyes move to his husbands arm. He couldn't believe he had been shot. He was wounded. Jon was never hurt.

"Yeah... It just. It still hurts a bit, baby. Not gonna' be able to lift much with this arm."

Jon turned around and grabbed his packed bag and threw it over his good shoulder. He's still sniffling and Gerard feels a tear roll down his cheek as he watches his husbands body tremble in pain.

"You don't have to hide it from me, J. I know you're human. I wanna' help you, okay?"

He makes a grab for the older mans hand, but hesitates. He looks at the blood on Jon's fingers. The bruises.

Gerard didn't want to touch him. He feared he might break him.

"I'm fine... Really."

The words sound forced. He was grabbing Gerard's bag and throwing it over his own bag on his good shoulder. 

"I could help, you know." Gerard said quietly, reaching to grab his bag, but Jon jerks away roughly.

"No. No... I've got it."

Gerard looked up at him; his hands out in front of him. Jon never treated him this way before... Like he was weak. Incapable. And Gerard understood why.

"Jon. If you're going to treat me like this... Like I'm some broken thing. Don't. I understand you blame yourself for what happened to me, but it's not your fault. I'm fine too." 

Gerard stepped forward. He placed his hands on Jon's cheek and looked into his eyes. They were mysterious... They always have been. They never change.

"W-when... When I think about what they... What they did to you... Gerard, I'm so fucking angry. I'm sad. I'm scared. I'm concerned about what this world is going to do to us. Every day is a scene out of a horror movie. I don't want this life for you. For _us_."

Jon dropped the bags down on the ground and placed his blood stained hand over his eyes. The tears on his face were like raindrops on a car window. One after another they crashed down and Gerard pushed his face into the mans neck and released a shaky breath. 

"I know... I know, Jon."

But there wasn't a damn thing he could do... So he cried too.


	8. Titan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Without warning Gerard broke down. His entire body tensed up and he screamed. He screamed. He fucking screamed bloody murder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intense... Emotional... Relief.
> 
> Basically this chapter summed up lol.

The hours turn to days and the days turn to weeks. They're no longer in the mall. They're no longer anywhere. They sleep in trucks and scavenge whatever they can. It's the worst living situation they've ever had and Gerard can feel their insecurities growing by the second. They would surely die out here. Maybe from raiders or most likely from zombies. They've managed to fight off the few that get too close and every time they get remotely comfortable something bad happens...

Gerard has his head on Jon's lap and Frank is sitting in the back, holding Sue. He's reading a Dr. Seuss book to her and Gerard smiles every time he hears her giggle. It's nice to hear laughter in a situation like this. It made everything they've gone through worth it.

"We need to find a military base... A boat to leave land... We need to find an island or... Or just--" Jon babbled, raking his fingers through Gerard's hair. "We can't keep going like this."

"If Dox were here he would've been able to Hotwire a house boat..." Gerard whispered, lifting his eyes to look at Jon.

Frank was no longer reading, he was listening to their conversation. 

"He taught me... We just need to find a dock... Or..." He trailed off.

It was quiet now. So quiet Gerard wanted someone to scream.

"I stayed in a treehouse for the first month zombie's started taking over." Frank piped up and Jon shook his head.

"We can't stay in a treehouse. Too small..." Jon said as he stopped stroking his husband's hair.

Gerard sighed, blinking up at his husband. "The docks then?" It was the only chance they had.

"Yeah... I'm gonna' tell Larry."

Jon started to shift until Gerard sat up. They kissed once they were face to face. Gerard allowed it to linger. They always kissed when they separated. They did that for a reason.

"I'll be quick baby... Don't worry."

Gerard smiled as Jon whispered this against his lips. Their foreheads are pressed together and Gerard's nuzzling him.

"... 'Kay. Hurry... I love you."

"I love you too."

Frank watched them, holding Sue close to his chest. They were so ethereal in this new world. So... Peaceful. Frank wanted that. He wanted to kiss someone. Hold someone and tell them he loved them.

He wanted what Gerard and Jon had so badly.

Gerard sits quietly as Jon jumps out the truck. He has his hands on his face and his head ripped back against the head rest of the passenger seat. He always sat like that. He was trying not to cry.

"He'll be back G." Frank said. He always said. 

Gerard took a deep breath and nodded his head stiffly. "Mhmm..." He choked. He couldn't trust himself to speak.

"He'll be right back." Frank repeated sternly.

Gerard squeezed his eyes shut and just nodded again. He knew Frank was just trying to help. Help prevent him from sobbing like a maniac.

* * *

Time moves slowly. Five minutes in this world feels like 5 hours and every time Gerard heard a noise outside he peeks out the window; his fingers on his gun.

"Jon?" Gerard whispered, lifting up out of his seat.

Frank gently moved Sue to lie down. She was asleep.

"Is he back?" He asked, leaning over so that he was in between the passenger and driver's seat. 

Gerard lifted his finger and shushed the younger man. He pulled his gun off its holster as he lowered the window slightly.

The noise came again. Louder. It sounded like someone was running.

"Hurry!!! Open the door! Open the door!"

Jon emerged, nearly smashing into the side view mirror. He had Bert beside him. They both had their guns out. Gerard reacted quickly. He pushed open his door and moved to the back with Sue and Frank. The little girl is awake now, rubbing her eyes and whining out.

Frank comforted her. He held her in his lap as Gerard sat next to him with his gun still in front of him.

"They're fucking everywhere!" Bert shouted and the sound of a zombie snarling gets disrupted as Bert fires his gun at it and jumps into the passenger seat of the truck as soon as Jon jumped to the drivers seat.

"What happened? Is everyone else okay?" Gerard asked loudly, pulling Sue from Frank as soon as he put his gun back in its holster. He cradles the young girl and she starts to calm down as Gerard soothingly runs his fingers through her long locks.

"They're fine. They're okay. We got held up is all. We thought maybe we'd get something for Gus' cold. The fucking zombies snuck up on us. Almost got me. If John hadn't been there I'd probably be zombie food by now." Bert said, rolling up the window of the passenger seat.

He relaxed as soon as the zombies started dragging themselves pass the truck and Jon drops his gun on the dash with a loud sigh.

Gerard looked back and forth between them and sat forward to run his fingers through his husbands greasy hair. "You okay, baby?"

Jon sighs again, sitting forward so that Gerard's hands weren't touching him. 

Bert coughed and sat back in his seat. The awkwardness was unsettling.?Frank noticed the look on Jon's face. He was red and covered in sweat. His hair covered his eye and his lips were folded in. He didn't look like himself.

"I want Gus... I want Gus." Sue cried out suddenly, breaking the awkward silence.

Frank sighed dejectedly and grabbed Sue from Gerard. The little girl wrapped her skinny, frail arms around his shoulders and cried into the crook of his neck.

Gerard wasn't reacting. His eyes were on Jon. Hard and questioning.

"Jon." He said loudly, standing up and jumping into the middle seat.

Bert scooted away from him, closer to the passenger door, so that his and Gerard's thighs and knees wouldn't touch.

"Are you okay?" He tried again.

Jon allowed his husband to grab his hand. He held onto it tightly, squeezing hard enough to break it.

. . .

"... I saw him."

Gerard's heart dropped as the words left his husband's mouth. He swallowed the lump in his throat. The tears were already threatening to spill from his eyes. He knew who Jon was talking about.

"Where?" Gerard asked; his voice breaking. "Where did you see him?"

Jon choked out a sob and palmed his hand over his eyes. He cried loudly, trying his best to hold the tears back. He was so shaken up. His entire body was trembling.

Gerard squeezed his husbands hand and it made him yelp.

"Jon. Where did you see my brother? Where did you see Mikey?!"

Frank looked back and forth between the to men. He couldn't see Jon's face. He was covering himself with the hand Gerard wasn't holding onto.

"Gas station..." Bert said. He touched Gerard's shoulder, pulling him away from Jon. "He couldn't do it. He couldn't put him down."

Gerard's eyes are wide. His mouth is in a tight line and before Gerard could do anything Bert is holding him back. Stopping him from lunging at Jon.

"You son of a bitch! You stupid motherfucker!" Gerard's hands are pounding against Jon's arm. The only part of him he could reach right now because he was practically in Bert's lap.

Jon dropped his hands from his face and brought them to Gerard's forearms. He pulled the smaller man from Bert's lap and held him in his arms as he cried.

"I'm sorry! I couldn't fucking do it! I couldn't! I know I promised, but I fucking couldn't, G!"

He had his husband in a tight hold. He held onto his thrashing frame, preventing him from lashing out.

Sue's arms have tightened around Frank's shoulders and her cries have turned to loud whimpers as she listened to what was going on. Frank just sat there, further into the corner of the back seats, rubbing small circles on the little girl's back as the men in the front seat had their moment.

"Why?! Why?! Jon, you fucking promised! You fucking—" Gerard's voice leaves him before he could get out the rest of his screams.

Their commotion caused a horde of zombies to swarm around the truck and Gerard suddenly stilled in his husbands arm, panting and trembling.

Everyone is quiet now, waiting for the horde to pass.

"They're almost gone..." Bert said quietly, staring out the window discreetly.

Gerard's ear is pressed against his husband's chest. He's listening to his heart beat and it's fast... Pounding against his sternum. They have to calm down.

"Breathe... Breathe, baby, breathe." Jon whispered down against the side of Gerard's head. His hair is smothered across his face and each time Jon takes a deep breath Gerard's hair gets in his nostrils.

Gerard's body is no longer rigid. He's limp and breathing calmly. The violent tremors have subsided and each time he swallows the back of his throat pushes out a soft mewling whimper.

"You... Were... Supposed... To. Kill him. You said you'd put him down for me when you saw him... If you ever saw him." Gerard couldn't calm the shakiness in his voice. It hit him hard.

"I know, baby... I know." Jon whispered, petting Gerard's hair back. 

"Why? Why didn't you do it?" Gerard shifted until Jon loosened his hold on him.

He needed to see the look in his husband's eyes as he heard his his answer... His reason.

Jon blinked. He tried avoiding Gerard's gaze, but he couldn't. He was in too deep. He was drowning.

"I just couldn't. I couldn't do it."

Without warning Gerard broke down. His entire body tensed up and he screamed. He screamed. He fucking screamed bloody murder.

No one could stop him... Even when the horde surrounded them again. Even when Sue screamed for him. Even when Jon covered his mouth.

He just kept screaming.

* * *

Driving up to the docks is the scariest thing to Frank. Some of the Houseboats are destroyed, crashed up against the docks with garbage everywhere. 

"He's not going to wake up... Is he?" Bert asked Jon.

He was talking about Gerard. He had fainted and he's been out for some time now. From sun down to sun up. All that screaming had gotten to him and when he had passed out Jon freaked out. He thought Gerard had died. 

"No. I'll carry him."

They all pile out of the truck after Bert makes sure there's no raiders or zombies around. The others have just pulled up in the other truck just now and Bert waves them down.

"What happened to him?" Larry asked, pointing at Gerard who was being carried Bridal style by Jon.

His head was lolled back so it was obvious he was unconscious.

"Long story." Frank interjected, holding on tightly to Sue's hand.

Everyone piled up around one another and when Sue saw Gus she ran to him, throwing her arms around his narrow shoulders. Everyone smiled at their reunion.

"So which boat are we taking?" Bert asked, crossing his arms over his chest. He kept looking at Gerard. 

He wanted to find some place safe as soon as fucking possible. With Gerard knocked out they wouldn't stand a chance if a horde of zombies bombarded them.

Larry and Jon looked around. They both spot the lake houseboat on the furthest dock and they look at each other and nod their heads in unison. 

"That Titan... Can hold up to 16 people." Larry said to the group.

You couldn't miss it. It was the biggest one there. If they could make this work... They would be set for a very long time.

"Alright, so... Let's just hope it isn't flipped to shit." Bert said as everyone already started to make their way to the houseboat.

* * *

It's not bad at all... Surprisingly. It looked like it had been ransacked, but that didn't matter. There was furniture, bedrooms and fucking bathrooms!

Jon had laid Gerard down in the master bedroom so that he could explore their new home some more. Before he left he kissed his husband's sweaty forehead. He exited the room that would be there new home and closed the door behind him.

He knew when Gerard would wake up he would still be upset... He would probably try to hit him again, but Jon didn't care. He was just glad he finally found a safe place for him. A place they could sleep, eat, bathe... A place he could make love to him. It was ideal. They needed those things to feel human. They were human so they deserved those things by right.

No one can take that from them.

"I hope this hot tub works." Amber said with a giggle as she leaned over the rim off the large tub. It could hold at least six to eight people and the more she stared at it the more she wanted to grab a bucket and fill it up.

"I'm sure it does." Bert said, looking into it. "Wipe it down... Put some water in it. The power works and the engine is as clean as a whistle. We're set to go."

As John entered the upper deck the rising sun hit him in his eyes. It was beautiful... Everything looked clean and... Normal. Like nothing in the new world had affected it.

"Wow..." Jon murmured under his breath as he took in the whole upper deck.

It reminded him of the home he and Gerard had before all of this. Everything was contemporary and had a unique look about it. Jon was impressed. Gerard was going to love it.

Frank entered behind Jon and saw that the older man was in another world. Perhaps the old one. He could see a small smile tugging on his lips. Frank stood beside him, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What's on your mind?" Frank asked, looking up at the rising sun.

Jon couldn't stop staring up at the sky. The colors were brightening. The gloom was dissipating.

He turned to Frank and smiled at him with new light in his eyes. The sheen of sweat and despair couldn't wipe the look off his face.

"We could make this place work. We can make this home."

Frank tilted his head to the side and returned the smile. He admired his hopefulness... 

Frank hoped he was right.


	9. No Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Look at me. Look me in my fucking eyes and tell me what you're going to do when I fucking turn!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, so this is pretty much the chapter where things are kinda mellow/kinda fillerish... In a non-zombie kinda way. Expect conflicts between the group. And when I mean conflict I mean lots of SHADE lol. Next chapter's probably gonna' go up in a few days because I'm excited about it and I want you all to read it as soon as possible!
> 
> Now go read! 
> 
> Enjoy xoxo <3

Gerard wakes up and he feels like he was hit by a train. His entire body aches and his head feels like it's going to burst. He sits up in... A bed? 

"Huh...?" He groaned loudly and pushed his hand through his greasy hair.

Where the hell was he? Whose bed was this? Where the hell was his husband?

Gerard remained seated on the bed. The room was small, but not too small, and the ceiling was low. Did they make it to the military base? How long was he knocked out?

Scratching the back of his head he climbed out of bed and went to the door. He could hear people talking on the other side. It sounded like Bert and Sally.

"If you won't tell him I will... It's not fair for you two to hide something like this. Jon would want to know." Sally said quietly. But still loud enough for Gerard to hear.

"It's not up to me. It isn't my relationship. If he wants to tell Jon then he will... If he doesn't then that's on him." Bert said. He sounded frustrated. 

"Tell him, Bert. He's your friend. You slept with his husband. How do you sleep at night?" Sally was getting pushy. 

Gerard wanted to slam open the door and stare them down for gossiping about him and his husband. They had no right. Whatever he and Bert had is over. It meant nothing... It was just a pity fuck.

Gerard waited until they left and when that time came he pushed open the bedroom door and poked his head out.

"Jon...?"

He called out and just as he was about to pull back he sees Frank and he's walking in his direction. Cursing under his breath, Gerard sits back down on the bed he woke up on and shakes his hand in his hair.

Frank pushed open the door, slowly, and smiled at him.

"Hey... Glad you're finally awake."

He stepped in and Gerard nibbled on his bottom lip nervously... Since Frank joined their group, a few weeks ago, he's never been alone with him... _Alone_.

Gerard would be lying if he said he didn't find Frank attractive. The boy was absolutely magnetic. His entire person is the epitome of perfection. Gerard wanted to straddle and be straddled by him. 

It was sad for him to even think like that. He had already cheated on his loving husband once... He didn't want that to happen again.

"Uhm... Um, where's Jon?" Gerard asked; his voice cracked and he coughed to fix it. "I need to talk to him."

Frank stepped back slightly. He was getting weird vibes from the older man.

"Uh, he's around. I'll get him for you. Stay put."

Frank walked out of the bedroom on that note. And quickly. Why was he fucking sweating? Gerard's face is branded in his mind now... Flushed, nervous, and fidgety. His hair was ruffled and his shirt was so disheveled. It was Jon's shirt so it slid down his shoulder sometimes... Frank always stared at his skin whenever it was exposed. He couldn't help it.

As soon as he headed up the deck he spotted the older man. He was sitting against the deck railing, talking to Sally. She was giggling and rocking herself from side to side. 

Frank slowly approached them and suddenly Sally was no longer behaving like a school-girl with a crush. The transition was bizarre on so many levels. She was clearly in love with Jon. A blind person could tell you that.

"Jon. Gerard's awake. He wants to talk to you." Frank said and he gained the mans attention immediately. 

He was no longer grinning, instead he had a relieved look on his face as he jumped off the deck rail. 

"Thanks man. I appreciate it." He said to Frank. "I'll talk to you later, Sal." He turned to the girl and touched her shoulder gently.

She blushed and nodded her head. "Okay... See ya."

Frank wanted to gag. She needed to learn how to be discreet... This entire group wasn't very good at hiding things.

Jon flashed her one more smile before he dashed off. Frank and Sally watched him until he disappeared down the spiral staircase.

"What do you think they're going to talk about?" Sally asked, leaning over the railing. 

Her eyes glistened from the glow of the setting sun. The houseboat was sailing and it caused her hair to blow in the wind. 

Frank shrugged his shoulders. He didn't know... And, quite honestly, he didn't care.

* * *

Gerard was staring out the tiny window behind the bed as Jon entered the bedroom. He didn't bother peeling his eyes away from outside. He just kept staring at the water... The deep, blue water.

"I'm so glad you're up, baby. I was so worried."

Jon got into bed and pushed himself against his husband's back. The first thing he does is trail kisses along Gerard's exposed shoulder. The saltyness of his skin is strong because of his sweat.

Gerard remained silent. The water was captivating. He wanted to stare forever.

"Frank said you wanted to talk to me..." Jon's hands trail up and down Gerard's hips and he gropes him there sensually.

The sound of their clothes rustling together is all there is to hear... That and his husband's heavy breathing.

"I couldn't have possibly aroused you so quickly. I'm just sitting here after all." Gerard murmured, removing his hands from the blinds of the window.

He shifted until his husband's chest is no longer against his back. He couldn't stand to feel another body pressed against his own right now.

"What...? G, baby. What're you talking abo--"

"You're hard, Jonathan." Gerard pointed to his husband's bulge before standing up to stretch.

Jon adjusted his jeans and laughed under his breath. "Of course I'm hard. It's because of you, G. Who else could get me like this?"

Gerard chose to ignore that comment and leaned against the wall. He couldn't look at his husband. He couldn't look him in his eyes... He just left Mikey there, roaming the earth, as a mindless zombie. 

It made him wonder...

"If I could turn... If I had turned..." He started. Jon was blinking up at him from the bed expectantly. "Would you be able to kill me?"

Jon's eyes are vacant. He adverts them so that he doesn't have to stare at Gerard. 

"I... I don't know. I try not to think about it."

Gerard shook his head at his answer. It wasn't even a fucking real answer! 

"Fuck you, Jon." He spat at the older man. His eyes were like daggers and his mouth was in a nasty snarl. If he wasn't so tired he would jump on top of the larger man and choke him to death.

"Excuse me?" Jon snapped. He jumped out of bed and proceeded to corner Gerard against the wall he was leaning on so confidently. Gerard wasn't afraid of him. Sure, he was bigger, stronger and fucking intimidating, but he wasn't scared. 

Jon was a façade. With his big manly muscles and chiseled face, but inside he was fucking zen. That's what Gerard loved about him. That's why he wanted to see him react. It meant he was truly getting to him.

"I said: fuck you... You're cruel. You don't stop to think about these kind of things. You just let him go... And for what? He's not your fucking brother. You could have done it." Gerard's not moving from his spot.

He knew if he did anything to try and step out of the way Jon would just block him. He had to wait it out now. He didn't want to be touched. He didn't want Jon to touch him.

"I know that... Don't you think I know that? Just because he isn't my brother... It doesn't make it any easier. I miss him too, ya know."

Jon planted both his hands against each side of Gerard. If he wasn't completely blocked before he was now. 

"Stop." Gerard turned his head to the side. Jon was too close. Way too close. He hated when he did this. He couldn't hide.

"Look at me. Look me in my fucking eyes and tell me what you're going to do when I fucking turn!"

Gerard blinked and looked up. He didn't expect the question to be thrown back in his face.

"You couldn't even put Mikey down. How are you going to put me down?"

Jon doesn't see it coming. Gerard smacks him hard across the face and his head snaps in the opposite direction the blow came from.

"Get the fuck away from me." Gerard said loud and clear.

Jon remained with his head turned as he pushed himself off the wall. His wiped his mouth with his hand and pulled it back, looking at the smudge of blood on his palm with an emotionless expression on his face.

Gerard shoved passed him and stormed out of the bedroom. He needed to get away from him. He couldn't take it anymore.

* * *

Bert is out on the upper deck, alone, filling up the hot tub with a bucket he keeps going back forth with from the kitchen sink. It's half way filled when Gerard looks into it.

"You really want to get in this thing, huh?" Gerard asked once Bert looked at him with a weak smile.

"Just wanna' relax... It's been a long time since any of us have gotten the chance to do that." He said, dumping the water into the tub. It was the last one and he wipes his forehead with the back of his hand after he sets the bucket down on the floor.

"I can't remember the last time I had a cigarette." Gerard forced a laugh as he picked at his fingernails. 

"I've got a pack I haven't touched yet. Thought I'd save it for emergencies. Wanna' come with me to mine and Frank's room? It's in my bunk."

Gerard nodded and nibbled on his bottom lip. "Yeah... I'd like that."

Bert smirked at him and walked ahead. He went down the staircase and Gerard followed closely behind him.

"So... How're you feeling? It's nice to finally see you awake. I was pretty worried about you." Bert said as they went down the hall.

They passed Gerard and Jon's room and Gerard can't help but look through the open bedroom door. His husband was lying on the floor, doing abdominal crunches. 

Before the zombie apocalypse Jon had a gym set up in there home, in one of the spare rooms, and every morning he would wake up at 7am, make a protein shake and go to his work-out space. He would stay in there until 9am. Even if he had to be at work by 10am.

He always worked out. And it was no surprise for him to see him continue his routine even during the zombie apocalypse. For Gerard, it was nice to see that his husband's obsession with physical health has paid off. 

"I'm good. Kind of needed the sleep to be honest. I hope no one was put in danger because I decided to faint." Gerard's tone was dry. 

He felt dumb for blacking out like that. What if something had happened? He was upset about a lot of things... Jon, himself. His state of mind. He was also relieved that no one got hurt. But they could have... He had a lot on his plate at the moment.

"You didn't decide to faint. It just happened. It's not your fault." Bert pushed open his and Frank's bedroom door and stepped in.

It was a lot more spacious than what Gerard thought it was going to be. It was pretty nice.

"... Yeah." Was all Gerard can get out. He needed a cigarette. He was itching for one.

Bert got climbed the ladder to his bunk and pulled his bag off of his bed. He jumped down and took a seat on Frank's bed.

"Alright, so don't tell Larry I have these, because that bastard stole my other pack. This is between you and me. Cool?" Bert unzipped his bag and pulled out a brand new pack of Marlboro reds.

Gerard could of sworn he heard angels singing. 

"I won't." He stuck his hand out for one and Bert held it out to him. Not making an effort to drop it in his hand.

"... You can't tell your husband either... I don't want him to get mad at me for helping you keep up with bad habits. He's a health nut and I don't wanna' be preached too again." Bert swiveled the cigarette between his middle and index finger teasingly.

"I'm not gonna' fucking tell Jon. Do you think I wanna' get in trouble? I'm mad at him anyway so just give me it."

Gerard shook his hand out in front of Bert. He didn't want to play games. He just wanted to smoke.

"You're always mad at someone. Lighten up, man." Bert handed him the cigarette, shaking his head as he chuckled. 

Gerard rolled his eyes and stuck his cigarette over his ear. He took a seat next to Bert on Frank's bed and pushed his hands onto his knees. 

"So anyway... I heard you and Sally talking about me. I had just woken up... I'm starting to get the impression that she doesn't like me very much, but she totally likes my husband." He said, kicking his legs out. 

Bert hummed in deep thought and shrugged his shoulders. He couldn't really deny what Gerard said because that would be a lie.

"She's gonna' tell J you and I got together." Bert said, laying back in Frank's bunk. He pushed his arms under the back of his head and stared up at the roof of the bed.

"That's another thing... Why the fuck did you tell the girls? Like, what fucking possessed you? You know why we fooled around... You know there's really nothing between us, right?"

Gerard didn't mean to sound so harsh, but this has been eating at his brain since Amber told him about Bert spilling the beans. This is the first time in a long time he's been alone with Bert... Now he could get it off his chest and get some answers, too.

Bert yawned, sitting back up.

"I actually really like you, G... I was just... I felt good about us. Like... I felt like I was on a high and I don't know. I brag a lot."

Gerard wanted to smack him. Much like he did with Jon, but he decided against it. He couldn't hit Bert. The man was being very honest with him. Gerard appreciates honesty.

"You brag a lot? Bert, c'mon... How do you expect me not to get mad about it? Control yourself... Control your feelings. I can't have our group talking about us like we're a secret item. I love my husband. I love him so much. You understand what I'm saying?" Gerard tried to make himself as clear as possible.

Bert didn't look like he was listening. 

"Yeah. Okay... I get it. Cool." He hopped up, shaking his head in disappointment.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, okay?" Gerard remained seated.

Bert was standing still. He had his back to Gerard. "I'm glad you didn't die... And I'm glad I got to feel what loving you feels like. Don't apologize, Gerard... Just... Just give me some time. I'll get over it."

He left on that note and Gerard could have sworn he felt his heart stop. He didn't expect that.

This world never ceases to amaze him... Even in the zombie apocalypse... Especially in the zombie apocalypse.


	10. No Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He gazed at Gerard longingly. He watched the way the man ran his wet fingers through his damp hair and the way he licked his lips every time he started to say something. His eyes were heavy and his skin was glowing... 
> 
> Frank wanted to kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooohooo!!! So based on the chapter summary you can already guess love is in the air for Frank!
> 
> Read and find out what happens!
> 
> Enjoy <3 xoxo

Everything glows at night. The stars and the moon compliment one another like singers with duets. It's magical... It use to be so common, but nowadays you were afraid of the night sky. You closed your eyes and hoped for morning... For the sun and clouds-- better singers with better duets.

Gerard no longer saw it that way as he sat in the hot tub. He couldn't stop looking at the moon. He wanted it to be like this forever.

"I'm coming in!" Amber shouted, running up the spiral of stairs in her bikini.

Gerard smiled and moved to the next seat over so that she could have access to the one closest to her. She hopped in and the water splashes over the rim, spilling on the deck floor. She just giggled and began to stare up at the sky.

"Are you and Jon okay?"

The question came after five minutes of perfect silence.

Gerard glared at her and sighed dejectedly. He didn't want to say anything, but he couldn't help it. 

"I'm mad at him. He's so... I don't know. He's not normal."

Amber looked at him with a bewildered expression painted on her pale face. Her head tipped to the side and she pursed her lips. 

It looks like she didn't expect to hear bad news. 

"What happened? Bert told me you talked to him... Well, I heard you two talking so I asked him what was wrong. You sounded sad. Frank heard too. He was worried." Amber raked her fingers through her red hair as he looked up at the sky again.

Gerard scoffed under his breath tipped his head back against the rim of the tub. This was no surprise to him. Everyone has been so closed in on each other they could practically read one another's mind. There was no such thing as privacy in the zombie apocalypse.

"That's nothing. Don't worry. You can tell everyone nothing's going to happen."

Gerard didn't mean to sound fed up, but he was. He was sick of everyone always trying to get involved. Whatever was going on wasn't any of their business.

"Hmm... Okay. But if you ever need somebody to talk to I'm here for you." She reached out and touched his shoulder.

Gerard smiled weakly at her. She was the younger sister he never had.

* * *

Frank was in bed. He stared up at the roof of his bed, blinking. Bert was fast asleep, snoring loudly and it was keeping Frank up.

He sighed, sitting up and kicked his legs over the edge of his bed. He might as well stay awake a bit longer. Maybe he'll even get in the hot tub.

Before Frank can take off his jeans he remembered something... Something that would probably make whoever was still awake very happy.

He went to this bag and pulled out a bottle of Sailor Jerry's. He found it on his last run with Jon. They scoped out a grocery store and he went to the connected liquor store and found this under the counter. He didn't want to show anyone it yet, because he wanted to make sure they had a safe place to enjoy it.

Right now was the perfect opportunity.

He grabbed it and left his room quietly. The upper deck wasn't too far. Just down the hall and past the living room and kitchen. 

He started to go up the upper deck and before he did he heard Gerard and Amber talking... Something about Gerard being mad at Jon.

Frank knew that already. The scene in the truck was still clear in his mind. He couldn't shut it off. Gerard seemed like he has been possessed. Like something took hold of him and split his mind in half. One for his sanity and the other his insanity. He broke. There wasn't a medium anymore.

Gerard and Amber were no longer talking. Frank decided it was time to step up and show them what he had. Maybe they'd like to drink with him.

"Hey..." He called out and they immediately looked to him. "Can I join?"

Amber smiled at him with a nod and Gerard just nodded. He looked discontent, but still relaxed. Maybe he just had resting bitch-face... Frank wasn't entirely sure, but the man never smiled... He just sulked so it was hard to tell.

"So... I have liquor. I don't know if you guys drink or not, but we can pass the bottle around." Frank felt like he was some weird frat boy. He didn't mean for it to come across that way though, but he was pretty sure it did.

Amber jumped up and leaned over the rim of the tub. "NO WAY! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"SHHH!" Gerard hissed as he grabbed her by her arm and pulled her back into the tub. "The rest are asleep. Keep your voice down..."

"Sorry." She said and then covered her mouth.

Frank giggled and kicked off his pants. His shirt was next and he felt like he had an audience... And he was right. They were both watching him and when Frank was no longer undressing Gerard pretended he wasn't looking.

"Wow Frank, you have a ton of tattoos..." Amber trailed off. She wasn't tearing her eyes off of him. 

"Yeah. I got this one, like, three days before shit hit the fan." He pointed to the Swallows on his pelvis.

"They're so pretty." 

"Thanks."

Gerard rolled his eyes. He recalled Frank saying he had liquor. "Are we getting shit-faced or not? I could really go for being drunk right now."

Frank averted his attention to Gerard. He didn't know how to reply to that so he just grabbed the bottle and passed it to him before climbing into the tub next to Amber.

Gerard uncapped it and without hesitation he took a swig of it quickly. Frank gaped and Amber giggled and clapped her hands as he she bounced in her spot. 

"Damn." Frank said, blinking dumbfounded. "That was hardcore."

Gerard pulled the bottle away from his lips and swallowed whatever was left in his mouth and shrugged his shoulders. His shot-face wasn't dramatic. He just scrunched up his nose and closed his eyes tightly.

He passed the bottle to Frank and Frank stuck it out to Amber instead. "Ladies first." He giggled and Amber shook her head frantically.

"Not in these circumstances! You go."

Frank laughed as she waved her hands back and forth exaggeratedly and pushed the bottle to his lips. He took a swig, but not as long as Gerard had gone.

"Gahh, fucking shit!" He pulled the bottle back after he swallowed and passed it quickly to Amber.

She held it against her chest and watched Frank's reaction with fear in her eyes.

"I wish we were drinking margaritas..." She whimpered, pouting.

Gerard giggled loudly at that and tipped his head back. He had his eyes closed and a small smile on his face. He was probably feeling a buzz now.

"It's not funny. I'm really scared!"

Frank finally finished making his shot face and grabbed the bottle from Amber. 

"Look... Just do this." 

He grabbed the cap from the rim of the tub and presses the bottle against it. "It's like a little shot glass." He handed it to her slowly and she took it with dainty fingers.

"Oh okay. That doesn't look too bad..." She said optimistically and pressed it against her lips. 

She shot it back and when she pulled it away she looked back and forth between Gerard and Frank, smacking her lips together with no expression on her face. Frank and Gerard watched, waiting for her to freak out, but it never came.

"Oh. That wasn't so bad! Man, I guess somethings just never change. Believe it or not boys, but I use to be quite the alchy."

Gerard looked at her with an arched brow and shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe it... This teenage girl could probably out-drink him. 

"You're somethin' else." Gerard said, taking the bottle from Frank. He took another swig. This time this one was chaste and he didn't cringe as much.

Frank took his next one. Then Amber and then Gerard again, ect. They go around until Frank decides he's had enough. He couldn't handle another shot... He knew what would happen if he got too drunk.

He gazed at Gerard longingly. He watched the way the man ran his wet fingers through his damp hair and the way he licked his lips every time he started to say something. His eyes were heavy and his skin was glowing... 

Frank wanted to kiss him.

* * *

Gerard couldn't stop laughing. Amber was doing her impersonations of the group and was currently on Larry. She was so good at it and every time she did Jon Gerard nearly peed his pants.

" _Has anyone seen Gerard_?" She deepened her voice, to sounds more like Jon, as she pushed her hand over her forehead and scoped out the area. "I don't know about you guys, but if I can't sleep I'm just going to work out."

Gerard almost spit out the shot he just took and leaned onto Frank who had miraculously (when did he get so close?) gotten closer to him. He doesn't remember putting his head on the boy's shoulder and he doesn't remember resting his hand on Frank's knee either.

Amber said nothing about them. She just continued to do her impersonations until she declared she had to go pee.

"I'll be right back! Don't finish that damn bottle without me!"

She climbed out clumsily and stumbled away.

Gerard watched her until she disappeared down the stairs, mumbling incoherent nonsense under her breath. When she was gone Gerard remained on Frank, smoothing his hand against his tattooed chest.

"She's not gonna come back." Gerard giggled quietly.

Frank stiffened as the words leave Gerard's mouth. His entire body was so taunt. He knew the only reason why Gerard was so affectionate with him at the moment was because of the liquor. He knew nothing would come from this and he also knew he shouldn't entertain the moment by allowing it to happen.

Gerard is married. He already _cheated_ with someone in the group. He shouldn't do it again. Anyone who could that doesn't deserve sympathy.

"I'm in sucha rut, Frank..." Gerard whispered suddenly, still caressing Frank's chest. 

He sounded so tired... Frank wanted to wrap himself around him and fall asleep in each other's arms.

"Hm?" Frank muttered. Despite being drunk he still wanted to hear Gerard out.

"I... I don't know what I'm saying."

Frank figured. He didn't expect much to come from talking. It's been forever since anyone has had any liquor in their system. They were bound to get trashed.

"I'm gonna go to bed. Can you promise me something?" Gerard moved off of him gently and looked into his eyes.

"Yeah, sure... What is it?"

And then that's when Gerard leaned in and pressed a kiss against Frank's lips. A slow, open mouthed kiss of tongues going back and forth in one anothers mouth.

His hand touches the back of Frank's neck, tugging on his hair and pulling him in deeper. It was intoxicating. It was desperate... Everything Frank craved in this fucked up world.

They break apart just as they run out of air and Gerard suddenly stands up. The water falls around him and Frank looks up at him with giant, sparkling saucer eyes.

"Don't tell anybody about that."

With that he climbed out and grabbed his towel off the floor. He wrapped it around his waist and allowed his bathing suit bottoms to slip off and hit the deck floor.

Frank continued to watch him as he stepped out off his bottoms and walk down the stairs. He disappeared and Frank looked up at the sky. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

He couldn't believe what just happened.


	11. Gut Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something in Gerard's body was hurting. He felt nauseous—sick to his fucking stomach. His gut was trying to tell him something. He couldn't figure it out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyhey guys! So this chapter is a tiny bit filler-ish... Actually, it's more like the calm before the storm if anything lol.
> 
> Oh and sorry it took me so long, but I was sick and kinda stumped. All is well now! 
> 
> Enjoy :) <3

Gerard stumbled to his and Jon's bedroom and when the door is at reach he bangs his shoulder against it, causing it to fly open, and the commotion makes his sleeping husband urgently rise up from the mass of pillows and blankets. He expected the worse, but he soon relaxed when he saw Gerard's nonchalant—slightly swaying—demeanor standing in front of the bed, stalking closer to him.

"Gerard... What the hell. Are you okay?" He cupped his hand over his eyes, blocking the light coming from the hallway. 

Jon was desperately trying to make out the younger mans face. He wanted to see his eyes.

Gerard stepped into the bedroom completely, letting his towel fall from around his waist. He remained silent as he crawled onto the bed, on all fours.

"I want you... Want you, Jonny." He slurred, climbing on top of the disheveled man. 

Jon's eyes were narrow from sleep and his dark hair was pushed back, sticking up in awkward angles. 

"... Gerard, are you drunk...?"

Gerard pressed down on Jon with a giggle and nodded his head slowly. Drunk was an understatement. He was hammered. That much was clear.

"Where did you find liquor?" Jon grabbed Gerard's hip with his right hand and hoisted him up roughly.

Gerard's lolled back. He was so flimsy when he was intoxicated. Jon often called him a rag doll every time he got drunk.

Before the shit hit the fan Gerard was drunk a lot, actually, he was often seen in his art room with assorted alcoholic beverages and painting. Jon never really questioned it. At the time, it didn't even seem like it was a problem. Gerard hadn't been too invested in his vices like most people tend to end up doing, but now that Jon thought about it... There had to be a reason his husband was always drunk before 5pm.

"Frank... Frank had a bottle of SJ. We killed it... Mostly. Jon, no more questions. Fuck me, okay? Fuck me."

Gerard laid back, still on top of the other man. Jon groaned out in annoyance and sighed. He was so tired. His body was finally getting the rest it needed and now Gerard decides to pull this stunt.

"Tomorrow, G... I'm tired. Just go to sleep. If you want I'll get you some water and some clean clot—"

Gerard sat up quickly and grabbed Jon by his throat. He pulled him into a kiss and it's all spit, tongue and teeth.

Jon can't help it... He kisses back as he starts to lean forward to get Gerard on his back, but Gerard fights against him. He starts to push him back and now he's on top, straddling his lap.

"No." Gerard said sternly. "You're not in charge." He grabbed Jon's arms and squeezed his wrists together. He used his other hand to yank the mans boxers down, exposing his hardening cock.

"G... If you're gonna be sloppy we should just wait 'till morning." Jon yanked his arms free.

Gerard whined loudly and grabbed his arms again. This time with both hands and squeezed his wrists together. 

"Don't fucking move... Don't make this fucking weird." He said as he began to grind down on Jon's growing erection.

The older man sighed deeply and yanked himself free from Gerard's hold. He grabbed his husband's hip and pulled him forward, aggressively. 

"Hold still okay? Just fucking relax." He held his hand close to his mouth and hacked up spit from the back of his throat and spat into his palm. "I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Gerard leaned forward until he had his hands on either side of Jon's head and he nodded, whimpering loudly. 

Jon started coating his cock with his salvia, slicking himself up. He really didn't want Gerard to wake up in pain... He wouldn't feel too much now since he was drunk, but they learned about the aftermath the hard way.

"Hurry... I want you inside me." Gerard urged, grinding back into the air. His ass was low, close to Jon's slicked up cock. He needed penetration. He wanted it so bad.

"Shhh... Quiet. Everyone's sleeping." Jon whispered, guiding his cock to Gerard's hole. He pushed the tip in and Gerard released an exaggerated moan and it causes Jon to halt.

"Gerard... C'mon, man... The kids are in the next room. Be quiet."

Gerard nodded and Jon sighed for the billionth time, slowly pushing into Gerard completely. Now it was his turn to make some noise. Gerard was so tight... He can't even remember the last time he got to be inside of the younger man like this. He hated not being able to fuck his husband on a daily basis like he use to.

"M'gonna move. Remember, keep your voice down, 'kay?"

Gerard nodded again, gasping quietly as Jon lifted his hips and then lowered them. He did that repeatedly, forming a steady rhythm. 

"Uh, uh, uh..." Gerard released tiny gasps of pleasure. He was sure to be quiet, but any second now he was going to have to get some of this tension out of his system.

Jon's grip on Gerard's hips have tightened. He's breathing raggedly through his mouth and his eyes are glued on Gerard's face as he pushed himself up to ride better.

"Gonna' get yourself off?" Jon asked, releasing Gerard's hips to lay his arms down by his sides as Gerard rode him expertly—desperately, trying to find his own spot.

He lowered his hands on Jon's pelvis; his head was tipped back and his hips rolled forward and backwards in a grinding motion. 

"Someone's gotta..." Gerard murmured, coming down hard and ran his right hand through his own hair as his left hand remained of Jon's solid stomach. Gerard allowed his hand to trail down to his own neck and he kept it there as his jaw went slack. That meant that he found his prostate.

Jon saw the hairs on Gerard's arms stand up. He rolled them around until Gerard was under him, pinned to the bed. He pounded into him, slightly rocking the bed against the wall. Gerard was crying out, clawing his nails down Jon's back as his prostate was pounded repeatedly.

"Who's getting you off now, huh...? Huh, baby?"

Gerard choked on his moan as Jon continued to deeply thrust into him. He was so close to cumming. If Jon kept this up he wasn't going to last.

"F-fuck... Lift your legs. On my shoulders, c'mon." Jon said, pulling his chest off of Gerard's.

Gerard lifted his legs until they were resting on Jon's shoulders. The older man then goes back to thrusting in and out of him in their new position. 

It was all too much for Gerard. His drunken stupor, his orgasms, and Jon's harsh breathing. Gerard's head lolled from side to side and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. That was it for him.

He came with his mouth slack and wide, dragging his blunt nails down Jon's back. Hard enough to make him draw blood. Hard enough to make him wince if someone pat him on his back the next day. Hard enough to make him think about this exact moment whenever he pressed his back against a wall.

Gerard wanted him to never forget who he belonged to. 

Jon soon came, moments after the younger man, and collapsed on top of him. His breathing was no longer ragged, just shallow now, and Gerard was breathing harshly through his nose.

Gerard wanted a cigarette and a piece of chocolate cake. He wanted to wake up in the morning and drink some potent coffee and after he wanted to suck Jon off so that he'd start his day off with a bang. He wanted so much... Yet they were so little.

"I want to sleep..." Gerard whispered, smoothing his hands up and down Jon's sweaty, scratched up back. 

Jon nodded, rolling off of him. He wanted to sleep too. 

"G'night baby. See you in the mornin'. Love you." Jon whispered, pecking Gerard chastely on the lips. 

Gerard kissed him back and nodded his head slowly. "M'love you too, J."

Jon smiled sheepishly and snuggled up on his side of the bed. He threw his blanket over himself and planted his head on one of the many fluffy pillows. He closed his eyes and Gerard did they same.

They went to sleep.

* * *

Waking up the next morning, for Jon, was just like being home before the zombie apocalypse. He had Gerard snuggled against him, snoring and drooling. He was naked and sprawled out on the bed with pillows surrounding his head.

Jon felt good. He sat up slowly and caressed Gerard's lower back. The younger man cooed, pressing against it.

Jon smiled.

He knew Gerard was most likely hard already. He almost always woke up with morning wood. The younger man had quite the libido. 

"Flip over, babe." Jon said; his voice was heavy with sleep. 

Gerard groaned, slowly turning on his side. "Hm?" He blinked at Jon with heavy eyes and his mouth open agape. 

Jon crawled over him and pecked him on his cheek. "M'gonna' go down on you. Flip on your back."

Gerard shuffled slightly, giggling under his breath. "Yeah?" He asked, licking his lips as Jon settled himself between his legs, nodding his head with a mischievous expression etched on his face.

Gerard was already naked from last night so Jon gripped him and licked the head of his cock, lapping at it lightly. He lowered himself and he took him further, bobbing his head up and down slowly.

"Ah... Mmm'ah." Gerard spreads his legs further apart and massaged his fingers through Jon's hair sensually. "S'feels good... Oh god. S'feels so good, baby."

Jon smirked around his husband's length and took him further. He could feel Gerard's hips lifting slightly. His grip on Jon's hair tightened as he began to thrust his hips up and down. He could feel himself nearing his orgasm as Jon planted his hands on hips and held him down firmly on the bed. He was so close and to prevent himself from screaming out he had to gnaw down on his bottom lip.

* * *

Frank sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He woke up feeling like absolute shit and not because of this skull pounding headache. He was hungover for sure, but he couldn't stop thinking about what happened between him and Gerard in the hot tub.

How long has the other man... Liked... Him like that? Did he even like him at all? Or did alcohol just make him... Overly friendly... To put it in more gentler words.

Frank sat up in bed. He was alone in his and Bert's room. The other man must've woken up hours ago. 

Speak of the devil...

Bert stormed into the bedroom; his bag slung over his shoulder. His eyes looked heavy and his skin was pale, glistening with sweat.

"Hey, what's up, Frank. D'you sleep okay?" He tossed his bag on the ground and climbed the ladder to get into his bed.

"Just woke up... A little hungry."

Bert coughed and agreed with a soft hum. "Might go on a run today. Me, you—if you want—and Jon... Need a few things. Food, mostly. Also some pain killers. Amber has a killer headache."

Frank chuckled under his breath as he stood up out of bed. He wanted to tell Bert why she had a headache, but he wasn't in the mood to explain things.

"I'm probably gonna' stay behind this time... Feeling a little under the weather myself. I'll fetch Jon for you though." Frank started for the bedroom.

He turned down the hall and went straight to Jon and Gerard's bedroom door. Without thinking he pushed the door open and almost immediately he regretted it. He should have known to fucking knock.

There they were. Jon's face was pressed completely against Gerard's crotch, bobbing his head up and down quickly. He was also three fingers deep in Gerard, too, corkscrewing the digits inside of him in the same pace and rhythm his head was going. 

Obviously Gerard saw him first, letting go of Jon's hair abruptly. He squirmed against the bed, swearing and trying to grab blankets to cover himself and Jon gets the memo, lifting off of Gerard's cock and pulling his fingers out of him.

"Fuck!" Gerard hollered and Frank slammed the door in front of himself before the whole situation became even more unbearable.

Frank could still hear them rustling around, swearing loudly and blaming one another for not locking the door. They sounded like a couple of teenagers who got caught by their parents.

Jon pulled the door open as soon as he was composed and he stared down at Frank with a look of transfixion. Slowly closing the bedroom door behind, he coughed and raked his fingers through his hair. 

Awkwardness was settling in and Frank wanted to pretend he didn't see anything, but it was kind of hard to do that...

"What's up?" Jon asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "Did you need something?"

Frank coughed, swallowing the lump in the back of his throat. He nearly forgot why he even barged in there room in the first place. Now all he could think about was what he had witnessed... And how much crap Gerard was going to give him later for barging in without knocking. He'll probably even give Frank a lesson and demonstration on it as well.

"Uh... Yeah."

He waited a second and that's when it hit him. He needed to let him know about the run Bert wanted to make for more supplies. He just wished he wasn't fucking gawking at Jon like he was some goddamn  
oddity.

"Bert wants you to go on a run with him. Food and meds."

Jon nodded and slowly re opened his bedroom door, making sure not to expose Gerard if he was still naked. Noticing that he was fully dressed, Jon pushed it open completely.

Gerard was red, flushed from embarrassment. He had his hands folded in between his thighs with his head tipped down. He was also nibbling on his bottom lip, trying not to look so humiliated.

"G... Go on and take a shower. I'll meet you there in a minute. I have to get my bag ready to head out." Jon said, grabbing his things.

Gerard nodded and quickly jumped up from the bed. He rushed past Frank, slightly brushing shoulders with him. He slammed the bathroom door behind and it caused Frank to jolt.

"I'm really, really fucking sorry Jon. I should have knocked. I'm a fucking idiot!" Frank said frantically. 

He still couldn't get it out of his head... The grinding and thrusting and... Frank shivered, trying to shake it off.

"It's okay, Frank... It's our fault. We should have locked the door. Just don't mention that to anyone. They don't need to know we've traumatized you." Jon said with a half hearted laugh.

Frank couldn't force himself to laugh at a time like this. He was so embarrassed... For them and himself. 

"I won't. I promise." Frank nearly shouted, almost like he was afraid. He wanted Jon to understand that telling anyone wasn't even a thought.

"Cool. Thanks, man." Jon said, putting together his bag quickly. 

He looked ready and Frank knew to go now. Jon wasn't going to head out right away. He was going to take a shower with Gerard... Probably finish what Frank abruptly interrupted.

* * *

Gerard stared at his reflection after he turned on the water to the shower. It was already steaming up the mirrors and Gerard could feel his breath get shallow.

He was just tearing himself apart. He hated that even with dirt on his face a raider would call him pretty, bend him over and fuck him senseless. 

Gerard ran his blunt fingernails down his forearm and stared into his vacant eyes. He needed to scrub himself raw. Maybe scrub his skin so hard it falls off.

He wanted new skin. A new face. A new body. 

This feeling he was experiencing wasn't even how he felt most of the time. He wanted to stop staring at himself, but he couldn't. He was so fucking pathetic to watch it was like a disaster you couldn't take your eyes off of.

He couldn't even feel sorry for himself. He couldn't even cry. He was so numb. He wanted to feel something.

Why did Jon love him? What did the man ever see in him?

Gerard grunted loudly, banging his fist against the side of his head. He prevented himself from screaming out. He couldn't be self loathing at a time like this. Things were finally getting better. They couldn't afford another one of Gerard's mental meltdowns.

Once he calmed down he hopped into the shower and stood under the shower head, allowing the scorching water to bead down on his dirty, marked up skin.

His wound is nothing but teeth indents and patches of sweat and dirt. He hardly even looked at it... It only reminded him of his horrible luck and his idiotic mistake.

Gerard sighed contently, running his hands up and down his face and then through his hair. The water at his feet is turning murky and Gerard knows that it's blood and guts and mostly sweat and grime... And other things.

It was fucking disgusting and he was grateful he was finally able to wash himself for the first time since they left their previous home—the mall–besides the hot tub last night. He was Grateful and fucking relieved.

* * *

Jon pushed open the bathroom door and stepped him. He's sure Gerard doesn't hear him enter because the man hasn't said a word.

Jon undressed quickly and quietly. Gerard still had no idea he was in there. He hears the younger man moaning and humming as he cleaned himself and it was making Jon excited.

Clean Gerard was like a new canvas to him. He loved getting him dirty and marking him up like a work of art.

Pushing the door to the shower stall as slowly as he can, Jon gets in and closes it behind him. Gerard has his eyes closed and he's rubbing at his hair, lathering it up with shampoo.

Jon smirked. He crept up behind his husband and leaned over him until his lips brushed his shoulder. It causes the younger man to drop his arms and jolt in shock.

"Fuck, man! Jon, what the fuck!"

Jon laughed and pulled Gerard's back to his chest. He wrapped his arms around the shorter mans shoulders and tightly held onto him.

"I'm sorry. I just thought it'd be funny to spook you. You need to be more cautious, babe. I could've been a zombie or a..." He trailed off once he realized he probably shouldn't be mentioning Raiders at a time like this.

"A raider...?" Gerard finished the sentence for him and Jon sighed exasperatedly. 

They're silent for a moment. Gerard steps forward, under the water, and washes the shampoo out of his hair. His hair is so clean it's practically squeaking in between his fingers.

Jon reattached his chest against Gerard's back and planted gentle kisses along his shoulder blade. Gerard stilled against him and it made Jon step back a bit.

"Ya know... It's been nearly a month now. I can't say I'm over what happened to me... But pretending has been helping." Gerard said quietly.

Jon almost didn't hear him, but he did. Every word. 

"You don't have to pretend, G. I'm right here to help you. We've got each other. I won't let you do this alone." Jon stepped back some more, giving Gerard space to turn around so that they could be face to face.

Gerard looked up at him, brows furrowed and bottom lip in his mouth. Jon placed his hands on Gerard's shoulders and pulled him against him.

Gerard didn't want to say what was really on his mind. Jon had it all wrong. He wasn't talking about what the Raiders did to him... He was talking about what was becoming of him.

He was afraid... He could still taste all that blood in his mouth, the flesh in between his teeth... The screaming. 

He craved it.

"It's not what you think, J... I don't think we can help this. I don't think it's gonna' stop."

Jon pulled back and looked Gerard in his eyes. There goes that vacant expression again. 

"Is there something you're not telling me? Because... Because you know I'll... I'll understand. I'll try to." Jon's hands are now going up in Gerard's hair. He runs his fingers up and down the younger mans scalp. 

Gerard closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His heart was pounding and his hands were shaking. He felt like he was going to have a heart attack.

"I... Want you to make love to me... Before you leave on your run." 

Jon nodded, lowering his hands until their on Gerard's hips. He leaned over until their lips connect and Gerard's arms wound up around his neck. 

They continue to kiss even when Jon presses Gerard up against the wet tiled wall. They continue to kiss even when Jon hoists the smaller man up. Gerard's legs wrap around Jon's hips and he buries his hands in the mans wet hair.

Jon quickly slicks himself up with some of the body wash as quickly as possible. Gerard's still wrapped up around him and they're still kissing. Jon doesn't bother to bend down and set the body was down, he just drops it as he and Gerard's mouths move against one another.

Finally, Jon retracts quickly and looks Gerard in his eyes. The younger mans mouth is parted; his lips are red and swollen and his eyes are heavy with lust.

"C'mon... C'mon, Baby—ah!" 

Gerard ran his nails along the back of Jon's neck as he was filled up. The burn was harsh, but so pleasurable...

He was going to miss this.

* * *

Frank glanced back and forth between Bert and Larry. They were still going on about this affair thing that Gerard and Bert supposedly had.

Larry had just learned of it. And can you guess from who? 

Yup, that's right: Sally.

"You realize that if J finds out you're a dead man, right? Why couldn't you just keep it in your pants? We're screwed, Bert. Fuckin' screwed!" 

Larry obviously was not happy. Especially since he was just hearing about something that had happened a few months ago.

"It's not what you think, man... It's not what anyone thinks!" Bert shouted. 

Distress was written all over his face.

Larry sighed, slightly agitated and shook his head. "Then what is it?!"

Before Bert can answer Jon and Gerard are barging in with concerned looks on both of their faces. 

"Why are you guys shouting?" Jon asked, grabbing Gerard's hand. He pulled the man in front of him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, and kissed the top of his head.

Gerard smiled crookedly and looked at Larry, waiting for the older man to explain what the commotion was about. Everyone looked like they got caught by their mothers with their hands in a cookie jar. Gerard wanted to point that out, but that would just be stating the obvious. 

"Nothing. I was just saying how... I'm gonna' go look for M." Bert said quickly.

Larry choked on his tongue and slapped his hand against his own forehead.

Jon frowned, dropping his arms from around Gerard's shoulders. "You know we can't do that, Bert. M is gone. He was either killed by Raiders or the zombies got to him. There was nothing anyone of us could do to save him."

Gerard's gaze dropped to the floor and Frank followed his lead. What Jon was saying is true, but deep down they all knew that they should at least try to find out what happened to M. 

"I would want you guys to try to find me." Bert said harshly, jabbing himself in the chest with his thumb. "M was my friend. I want to find out what happened to him. We haven't gotten the fucking chance to mourn. How does that make you feel?"

Larry scooted towards the door and slipped out. Just before he left he muttered under his breath that there wasn't time to fight about this and Gerard nodded his head at that.

"We will mourn! We just haven't been able to! Don't you remember what we've all been through?" Jon stepped closer to Bert, away from Frank and Gerard.

"None of this matters, guys. You're going on that run and if you happen to be in that area just look around for clues." Frank joined in the conversation now. He wanted to squash it.

The two men were getting off topic. They needed to leave before it got too late. 

Gerard grabbed Jon's hand and the older man was back at his side, still looking Bert in his eyes. None of this felt right to Gerard. Why was Bert suddenly bringing M up? Something was wrong...

"Fine." Bert said, lifting his hands up in defeat. "Let's go."

Jon nodded and watched Bert leave the room. Frank followed behind him, turning to look at Jon and Gerard with a frown on his face. He closed the door behind himself.

"Did that make any sense to you?" Jon asked once he and Gerard were alone. 

"No... I think they're hiding something from us." Gerard said quietly and Jon hummed, caressing his own chin.

"Well, I'm gonna' head on out, baby. Keep the girls and kids safe, okay? If anything happens... Just make sure you find someplace safe." Jon grabbed Gerard close to him and pressed their foreheads together.

Gerard licked at his chapped lips and nodded his head slowly. He sniffled and pressed his lips against the older mans. They kissed slowly and softly and Jon buried his hands in Gerard's hair.

When they pull apart Jon smiles weakly and releases a deep sigh.

"I love you... I promise I won't be long. I'll be back." Jon whispered and Gerard nodded hard, wrapping his arms around the mans shoulders, tiptoeing to plant a chaste kiss on his cheek.

"Okay... I love you too."

Something in Gerard's body was hurting. He felt nauseous—sick to his fucking stomach. His gut was trying to tell him something. He couldn't figure it out...

Something bad was going to happen.


	12. False Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who knew that the zombie apocalypse would be so fucking High School."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, guys <3 but here it is! (Finally) lol enjoy 
> 
> Xoxo

Sitting at the dining table, Gerard fiddled with his fingers. Amber is sitting across from him, saying something about how her head ache and nausea was getting worse. 

He wasn't really listening. He kept thinking about his husband, praying that he would make it back in one piece.

"I've never felt like this before, G... It's so bad. Hangovers aren't meant to feel like this." Amber palmed her forehead.

Her entire face was pale—drained and dead looking. Gerard wanted to tell her to suck it up. That hangovers _do_ , in fact, feel like that.

Frank was around. The younger man was sitting in the living area, lying back on the sofa with his feet on top of the coffee table. He kept peeking glances at Gerard.

Their eyes meet every now and then. It's awkward, but for some strange reason it's also comforting.

"They should be back soon, Amber. Just hold on a little longer." Sally said, opening up a can of beans nearby with the can opener.

Amber groaned, pinching her nose. "Please, that smell. It's killing me."

Gerard shot a nasty glare at Sally. "Really? You're doing that here? Can't you see she's sick?" He pointed to Amber who's getting up, running out of the area. She was most likely going to the bathroom to puke. 

"What?! I'm hungry. It's not my fault she decided that it was cool to get hammered last night." Sally dropped the can-opener once she got it open.

Gerard scoffed in disgust and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't want to look at Sally anymore, let alone talk to her. She didn't like him and it was clear.

Frank coughed in his spot awkwardly and stood up, scratching the back of his head. Conflict between people within the same group wasn't his forte.

"Gerard. For someone reason, and it's clear, you don't like me." Sally said suddenly and Gerard's head turned to look at her in shock in a blink of an eye.

He nearly choked on his tongue as a harsh laugh pushed past his lips.

"I don't like you?! No! You don't fucking like me! And I know why, Sally. You want my fucking husband. That's why." Gerard stood up abruptly. He was just about to leave, but Sally spoke.

"At least I didn't sleep with Bert!" She shouted and Gerard turned around to face her again.

His eyes are hard and he knew for a fact that if Frank wasn't around he would have charged at her. 

"Excuse me?" He asked under his breath. 

"You heard me. What if Jon finds out, huh? What if I tell him everything? Jon's too good for you and even you know it. That's why you're afraid to tell him because in a heart beat he'll leave you. And who knows? Maybe he'll even try to kill you and that's why you're scared. That's why you keep acting so horrible to him. You're trying to make him as self conscious as you are."

Gerard could only hear the 'Ha Ha' in her tone. Was she really trying to fuck with him right now? 

He stepped up to her, slowly. Her hand touches her belt on her hip quickly and she keeps her fingers on her gun and they're shaking.

Frank starts to go to Gerard's side, quietly and cautiously. He didn't want anything crazy to happen right now... Not ever. At least not amongst friends.

"Sally... If you ever—EVER—talk to me about _my_ relationship with my husband like that ever a-fucking-gain... I'll make you regret ever having feelings for him." Gerard said darkly, barely above a whisper. 

Frank heard it though and Sally did too. That was for sure.

Gerard gives the girl one quick look over and chuckles under his breath, shaking his head slowly. He wanted to bash her face into the kitchen counter. That's how mad he was.

"... You're a monster." Sally whispered, letting her fingers drop from her gun. She turned around on that note, going back to her beans and seasonings.

Gerard backed away, into Frank. The younger mans hand goes to his hip and Gerard immediately slaps it away.

"I'm going out for a smoke. You coming?" He asked, rushing down the hall towards the staircase for the upper deck.

Frank looked to Sally and then to where Gerard was heading. He felt bad for the girl. He wanted to talk to her for a bit, make sure she was okay, but Gerard summoned him and he wasn't about to say no to him.

So Frank followed him.

* * *

"Who knew, right?" Gerard asked, pulling his cigarette away from the pucker of his lips.

Ah here it goes, Frank thought. What was on his mind now? Frank was almost afraid to ask him.

"Knew what?" Frank asked looking at Gerard with one brow arched. 

Gerard giggled, taking another hit of his cigarette. He leaned over the railing of the deck and looked up at the sky, blowing smoke at it with one eye closed.

"Who knew that the zombie apocalypse would be so fucking High School."

Frank laughed. He never thought of it like that... It was so true. He really did feel like he was in between a feud between two teenage girls fighting over the same guy.

"Did you get in a lot of fights in high school?" Frank asked with a giggle. 

He could imagine it. Gerard getting in fights with a group of girls because he slept with their boyfriends. That thought alone was so vivid in his mind.

"Mmm... Only a couple... Some guys would always push me up against my locker and call me a dyke... Does that count?" There was apparent bitterness in Gerard's tone even though he was smiling.

Frank shrugged, going to stand next to Gerard. 

"So I take it you weren't the one causing fights... You were bullied?"

Gerard licked his lips and dropped his cigarette into the water. He only nodded, but slightly.

Frank hummed and dropped his cigarette too. "So was I... I was bullied pretty bad. Some kid—I could never forget his name or face—he had something against me. I wasn't open about being Bi back then so I didn't understand why I was a target."

Gerard stared at him. He was intrigued with where Frank's story was going.

"All I knew was... That he didn't like me... Then one day." Frank paused to take a deep breath. "He beat me up so badly... I ended up in the hospital with a broken arm, a few scrapes and a concussion."

Gerard eyes explore Frank's face for the conclusion. The younger mans expression is emotionless.

"Did you ever find out why he did it?"

Frank nodded, sighing loudly. 

"Why did he did he do that to you?"

Frank adverted his eyes to Gerard. The older man looked concerned. His eyes are narrow and his brows are furrowed. He really wanted to know why this happened to him.

"He liked me..." Frank said and Gerard's expression is going from confused to sad. "A lot."

Gerard blinked and looked up at the sky slowly. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and shook his head.

"He was afraid..." He said and Frank nodded.

Silence smothers them and Gerard takes a deep breath before he speaks again. 

"Did you forgive him?"

Frank sighed, closing his eyes. Deep down in his heart he wanted to lie. He wanted to tell Gerard that he did forgive that boy... But he couldn't bring himself to.

"No, I switched schools. Ended up going to some private school... Never saw him again."

Gerard blinked slowly and looked up at the Frank again. "I don't blame you." He said quietly.

Frank nodded and coughed. He knew Gerard would say something like that. The man loved to hold grudges. 

"So..." Frank started. "How did you and Jon meet? I know you two were married for a couple years before this happened."

Gerard turned around and leaned against the railing. He took a deep breath and licked his chapped lips.

"Well... I was an art student. I was messing around with some guy named Martin Cook at the time. He was throwing a party at his apartment and Jon was there. I was so hammered..." Gerard trailed off and giggled.

He could remember it like it was yesterday.

**[** _"Never have I ever been to London."_

_Everyone looked at Charles and he gasped. The dude was from London so it was a low blow._

_"Martin, you fuckin' asshole!" He put his last finger down as he grabbed his red plastic cup filled with rum and coke. He downed it and everyone cheered._

_"That's the name of the game, dude. Get into it!"_

_Gerard giggled, standing up from the circle of people playing Kings Cup and stumbled towards the bathrooms. Everything was so blurry and the walls were shaking. He didn't feel like this when he was sitting so standing up so suddenly was enhancing his intoxication._

_"Be quick, G. We're about to go play beer-pong!" Martin hollered over the loud people and music._

_Gerard entered the bathroom on that note, slamming it shut behind himself. He didn't have to piss or puke or anything. He just wanted to look in the mirror and splash some water on his face._

_He was so drunk... A lot was going through his mind. In a fucking loop... He felt horrible—wrong. There was some guy he just met today. He was introduced to him by Martin. They were law school buddies and and God, he was so fucking hot._

_Gerard had a thing for really tall, dark haired men. His face was even perfect too. The guy clearly took care of himself so he had to be a little gay... If Gerard was going to judge him by that he hoped he was right._

_He was tired of being into straight guys who would never even look at him twice, but this guy had. More than twice! They locked eyes at least... 7 times. AT LEAST. Gerard even managed to get a smirk and a quick head nod._

_It was a 'sup' gesture and Gerard knew what it meant._

_"C'mon, Gerard... C'mon... Don't do anything fucking stupid."_ **]**

"I'm not very loyal... But you know that about me already." Gerard said before pursing his lips.

Frank couldn't agree more.

"So... How did Martin find out?" He asked. He wanted to know how the story ends. 

Gerard licked his lips and smirked.

**[** _There's a knock at the bathroom door and Gerard quickly goes to open it, nearly stumbling into the person on the other side._

_"Whoa!"_

_Gerard looked up at the voice. It was Jon. Big, strong, sexy Jon. Gerard's mouth dried up._

_"You okay?"_

_He maneuvered them into the bright bathroom and closes the door behind them. Gerard knew he could tell him he's fine—that he didn't need his help, but he couldn't do it._

_"I'm so drunk... Like super drunk." Gerard giggled, pressing his face against the taller mans chest. He smelled so fucking good and felt so hard, but still comfortable._

_Jon laughed, moving his hands on Gerard's exposed hips. He pressed them against the wall, putting Gerard's back to it._

_"Yeah, I can see that. I noticed you've been staring at me all night. I wanted to ask you if there's something on my face."_

_Gerard snickered loudly, drunkenly, as he nuzzled his nose against Jon's sternum._

_"Your face... It's sexy. I'm kind of in love with your eyes." He replied, wrapping his arms around the mans shoulders._

_The music in the living room gets louder and Jon pulls them apart to stare down at the red haired man. He was pretty. Prettier than any girl or boy he's ever seen._

_"Yeah? I was thinkin' the same about you." Jon could see Gerard's face go as red as his hair and it made him laugh._

_Gerard swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled sheepishly._

_"So... D'you want a blow job?"_

_He was sort of blunt when he was drunk. But who wasn't?_ **]**

"Let me guess..." Frank interjected, smiling wickedly. "He said yes."

Gerard shot Frank a flirtatious smirk. "He said 'fuck yes'... To be exact. So I did."

Frank wasn't satisfied with the ending and he knew there was more to it. "Okay... So what happened next?"

Sighing, Gerard raked his fingers through his clean hair. "You know from experience how notoriously bad we're at at locking doors. Martin came snooping around and we got caught in the act. It wasn't pretty. There was a fight, people got hurt and I was dumped. I deserved it I guess..."

The ending wasn't a surprise. Frank almost felt sorry for him... That was the surprise. Sympathy for Gerard.

"Well, look at it this way... You got a husband out of it."

They shared a laugh and Gerard swatted his arm. 

"Let's head inside... I need a drink."

* * *

It's a little past 5 and everyone is worried. Larry gathered the group in the living room—even the kids.

"If they're not here by 6:30 we're going to need to go look for them. Frank, Amber... I'll need you two to come with me."

Gerard jumped up from the sofa, with Gus in his arms. "I'm going too." He declared and Larry shook his head at him.

"No. We can't leave Sally and the kids alone. It's best if you stay here. You'll be able to keep them safe."

Gerard clenched his jaw and took his seat. He couldn't fight back. He was too shaken up to even try. He wanted his fucking husband.

"Alright so... Gather your gear you two and we'll meet back here by 6:30 if they aren't here yet."

Frank nodded his head sternly and Amber does too. She's pale in the face and still looks sick, but better than before.

The meeting ends and Sally jumps up from her spot next to Gerard and takes Gus from him gently. Gerard doesn't even look at her, even when she's literally an inch away from him.

He's looking ahead at nothing, trying not to scream and break shit around him. His hands were shaking and there was sweat beading down his forehead. 

"Gerard... Jon's fine. I'm sure he's okay." Frank said, cutting through his thoughts. The cut isn't deep enough and Gerard's ears don't pick up on him 100%.

"Gerard." Frank tried again. The man hasn't blinked yet and Frank can see tears sliding down his cheeks.

Gerard breathes in and out through his nose harshly; his entire body is quaking. His head felt like it was going to burst.

"Gerard!" Sally shouted and he looks up at her. "Frank's talking to you."

Gerard involuntarily looks to Frank quickly; his eyes are hard and he finally blinks. The tears come pouring now, but he hasn't cracked.

"What?" He asked and Frank frowned at him.

"I said... Jon's okay. He's going to be okay."

The silence that follows behind Frank's statement smothers them and Gerard's still staring at Frank with tears streaming down his face.

Then, suddenly, the silence is replaced with Gerard's sobs—hysterical sobs and then... Laughter—hysterical laughter.

He finally cracked.


	13. Missing Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His hands were shaking. Why were his hands shaking?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait, but here it is!!! Enjoy <3 xoxo

**7:07pm**

Dizzy. He was so fucking dizzy. He killed the rest of the SJ and even managed to find a hidden bottle of Jack Daniels in the bar. He killed half of it and now he was wallowing in self pity, agony and misery. All he could do is lock himself up in the bathroom and stare at the mirror—at his reflection.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He chanted under his breath. "So fucking fucked. Motherfucker. You stupid fuck." He breathed out harshly.

He could hear Sally talking to the kids, consoling them. Gerard wanted to stumble out of the bathroom and fucking choke her out and tell her to stop telling them lies. To stop feeding them the same bullshit they feed themselves.

Everything was so fucking pointless. What were they going to do? What was _he_ going to do if Jon didn't come back?

"It's all going to be okay, Gus. Stop worrying him, Sue. They'll come back."

Gerard screamed out a strangled cry and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He could hear Sally go quiet and he could hear the kids whimper.

Exiting the bathroom quickly, Gerard stalks down the hall and kicks open the bedroom door where Sally and the kids are.

"Shut the fuck up!" He screamed, charging at her before she could even say a word. 

He bunched his hand in the front of her shirt and shoved her against the wall. 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He's so close to her face and her eyes are wide in shock. She looked terrified. She was terrified. 

The kids are screaming and crawling to hide under the bed as Gerard is being shoved back by Sally. She's not as weak as he thought she was because he hits the ground, head first, and sees black.

"What's your problem?!" Sally screamed, fixing her shirt. "I think you've had enough to drink... You really need to calm down, Gerard. You're insane."

Gerard rolled over, on his side, groaning and moaning in pain. "You... Stupid... Fuck." He said in between coughs.

"Enough!" She screamed. "You're scaring the kids!"

The kids...

Gerard opened his eyes and he saw them. They're under the bed, lying down on their bellies, looking at him on the floor. Gerard pushed himself up on his knees and palmed the back of his head. There was already a huge knot forming there. 

"I'm sorry." He said quietly, standing on his feet. "I didn't mean to... To do that."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Sally asked, getting on her knees and bent over to look under the bed.

"No." Gerard answered quickly.

He really didn't. Plus, she wouldn't understand anyway.

"C'mere guys... It's okay. It's over."

The kids crawl out from under the bed at the sound of her voice and Gerard exits the bedroom, dragging his feet. He felt so disorientated. He needed to lie down.

So he did. He entered his and Jon's room and got into bed. In a matter of minutes he's out. 

He feels nothing now.

* * *

8:03pm

They found Bert and Jon...

Frank could only hear screams and see red. There was blood everywhere and Jon was passed out on the roof and Bert's right next to him.

"He's out, you guys. He got bit on his hand and I fucking panicked. I chopped it off at the wrist." Bert spewed as Larry, Frank and Amber made it up on the roof after taking down the few zombies that were in the building.

Frank was in stunned silence as Jon came to view. The man was on the ground, the amputated left hand is by his head. All he has is a nub now, a bloody nub wrapped up in his shirt to stop the bleeding and protect it from infection.

"Fuck..." Amber muttered; her pale face goes paler. She looked like she was going to barf.

Larry got down on his knees and felt for Jon's pulse.

"He's alive... How long has he been out?"

"The sun was up when we managed to get away... He passed out, I think, an hour ago. We couldn't go anywhere with his hand the way it was. After I got rid of it the zombies immediately smelled all that blood. We were surrounded. There was nothing we could do." Bert said, frantically running his fingers through his hair. 

"He lost a lot of blood. We need to get him back home to Sally she could save him." Amber said quietly, still looking at Jon.

"How're we gonna' do that? We can't carry him. He's fucking huge." Larry said, shaking his head.

He couldn't believe this shit was happening. Everything was going so well.

"If Bert, myself and you carry him together I think we can get him back home. Amber can cover us. We're no that far from the docks." Frank said after a moment of silent thinking.

This was the only option they had. They couldn't just leave Jon up here to die. They had to do something. Larry sighed and pushed his hands on his hips. He was giving it some thought. The plan was a good plan, but it wasn't going to be easy. It was worth a shot.

"Alright... You two get his legs around your arms and I'll get his upper half. Amber, get the door and make sure we're clear."

Everyone got in their positions and as soon as they were ready they went.

"Zombie." Bert said and Amber aimed her gun in front of them and shot it down.

They made their way around the small convenience store and Amber covered them, taking down every zombie that got in their way. They were doing it. 

They were going to get home.

* * *

"Gerard... Gerard! GERARD!"

Gerard shot up in bed with Sally's hand pushing at his shoulder.

"What? What?!" He climbed out of bed quickly on shaky legs.

Sally looked as white as a ghost. Her eyes were heavy with sadness. Only bad news would come from her.

"They're here. Everyone's back."

That's all Gerard had to hear before he runs out of the room, nearly falling on his face as he made his way to the living area where he could hear the familiar voices of the rest of the group.

"J-Jon?" Gerard asked loudly and everyone turned to look at him.

They were gathered around the sofa, looking down and whispering to one another. Gerard couldn't make any of it out, but he knew something was wrong. 

Everyone moved aside and what Gerard sees on the couch makes his already weak heart weaken and his legs give out. 

It was Jon and he was missing his left hand.

"Gerard." Bert said. "He's still alive. He's breathing. He's just not conscious."

Gerard stumbled over to his husband and fell to his knees by his side. He leaned over and rested head on the unconscious mans chest. His heart was pounding.

"Gerard..."

Frank said, touching his shoulder. "Bert saved his life. A zombie bit Jon... Bert had to take his hand to save his life."

Gerard shoulders shook as Frank spoke softly to him. His eyes weren't even open. They were squeezed shut and his hands were buried tightly in Jon's bloody shirt. 

He couldn't stop crying or shaking. He couldn't even breathe properly. He almost lost his husband.

"He's going to live this, right?" Gerard managed to sob out.

Bert got on his knees, by Gerard's side, and pushed himself against the mans frame, embracing him so his shaking would stop.

"I think so... He's strong."

Everyone is watching them now. Gerard's awkwardly slouched over Jon while Bert has his arms around his waist. 

He could feel himself slipping.

* * *

Jon doesn't wake up for another day and when he does his entire body felt like it had been stripped from his soul and nutrients. He felt like he was pummeled by a truck and was left to die and be eaten by wild dogs. 

The only thing that makes all of the pain worth it is seeing Gerard asleep by his side. The side where he still has his hand. Jon lifts his arm up in the air and almost pukes when he sees the bandaged nub. It's been cleaned so he's grateful for that. 

He can't hold back the choked sob escaping from the back of his throat. He didn't want to wake Gerard... He tried so hard to keep himself quiet, but he failed miserably. Gerard suddenly stirred next to him, whimpering and sitting up slowly. He looked down at Jon with his eyes wide and his mouth shut in a tiny line.

"Baby? Are you awake?" Gerard asked; his voice groggy with sleep.

Jon lowered his arm and nodded his head. The tears rolling down to the pillow beneath him is soaking his hair. He can't even trust himself to speak. He didn't want Gerard to see him cry.

"Jon... Thank god. Baby, don't cry. Please, don't cry..." Gerard can tell the older man was in so much pain. How could he not? The man was missing a hand.

"G-G-Gerard... I-I... It's hurts. It fucking hurts."

Jon was pale like a corpse and his entire body was soaked in sweat. Th sheets around him were damp too.

Gerard quickly, but gently climbed over his husband to get to the nightstand and grabbed a bottle of pain killers Sally gave them. He popped two into his hand and looked down into Jon's eyes. The older man had his mouth parted; he was breathing in and out harshly.

"You have to sit up a little, baby. I need to give you these pills. It'll take away the pain, ok? Sit up."

Gerard brought his hand against the back of Jon's head and lifted it slightly. He pushed the pills into the cooperative mans mouth and reached for the bottle of water on the nightstand and pressed it against Jon's pale, chapped lips.

He downed the pills and Gerard visibly relaxed. He signed in relief and gently lowered his husband's head back into the pillow.

"Keep resting. The pills should kick in in a few minutes. I'm gonna' get you some more water and your other pills... Don't move." Gerard said as he climbed out of bed. 

He stole one last glance at where husband's left hand used to be and exited the room. Too much was going through his mind... He didn't even want to think about anything, but he just couldn't turn it off.

Gerard leaves the bedroom door open ajar and then starts to make his way to the kitchen with Jon's water bottle in his shaky hands. He could feel the sweat dripping down his back and forehead. He was a mess.

There's no one around, luckily, so that meant they were all asleep. 

Gerard grabbed the pill bottle off the kitchen counter and then filled up Jon's water bottle. When he was done he turned around and saw Frank enter the kitchen, scratching the back of his head and yawning.

Guilt starts to hit Gerard like a freight train. The younger man was a reminder of that night. That stupid, drunken night when Gerard kissed him in the hot tub. 

"How's Jon?" Frank asked, watching as Gerard scurried past him. 

Gerard gripped tightly onto the bottle and swallowed the lump in his throat. What kind of a fucking question was that? Was Frank blind? Was he deaf? Doesn't he remember Jon's state? He knows exactly how Jon is.

"He's... Alive." Gerard answered trying not to sound harsh, but he failed miserably. It was so hard for him to be nice right now. Even for a split second.

"Great... That's great news. Do you need my help with anything...?"

Gerard wanted to swat at Frank as if he were a bug. Why was he being a pest? What the hell was up with all the stupid questions?

"Like...?" Gerard glared at the younger man with blatant aggravation written all over his face.

Frank blushed and shrugged. "I don't know... Taking him to the bathroom? Get him some more medicine from Sally. There are lots of things I could help you with." He scratched his arm nervously. 

"You don't think I can handle my own husband, Frank?" Gerard said calmly. Too calm and it kind of scared Frank.

"... I just..." He trailed off and sighed, shaking his head in defeat. "You know what... Never mind. Just come find me if you need me." Frank turned and left the room.

Gerard watched him walk away and he took a deep breath. His hands were shaking. Why were his hands shaking?

Making his way back to his and Jon's room, Gerard pushed open and stepped it. He shut the door behind himself and then went over to the side of the bed and looked down at his half asleep husband.

His eyes were half open and his mouth was open agape. He was taking deep, broken breaths and Gerard got down on his knees at Jon's bedside. He leaned over and kissed the side of the mans bearded face.

"Baby..." He whispered against Jon's temple. "I brought you your water and medicine."

No reply.

"... Baby." Gerard said quietly, but louder than a whisper.

Jon grumbled something and Gerard reached his hand out and touched his forehead. He was burning hot.

"Fuck. Jon... Jon, sit up. You have to take this medicine now. It's gonna' help get rid of your fever. C'mon..." Gerard sat the water bottle down on the night stand and climbed into bed, straddling his husband. He brought his hands under the mans armpits and lifted him up against the head board of the bed. 

"G..." Jon coughed. "G. I love you."

Gerard came to a sudden halt and he looked over Jon's face as soon as the words left his mouth.

"I love you too, J. You have to take your medicine, ok? It's going to take away the pain. It'll help you sleep better." Gerard didn't want Jon's delirious declarations to sidetrack him. Giving him his medicine is the number one priority right now.

"Baby." Jon muttered as Gerard pushed the pills passed his lips. "G-Gerard."

Gerard ignored him and grabbed the water bottle off the table.

"Gerard. Bert—he told me everything."

Gerard fumbled with the water bottle as he pressed it against his husbands lips. He nearly dropped it as the words leave his mouth.

He went to ask him what it was that Bert told him, but he needed to get him to swallow his pills. Fuck everything else.

"Jon. Just take the pills, ok? We'll talk when you're better. You need to rest, baby." Gerard pressed the bottle to the older mans mouth and helped him drink.

When the pills went down Gerard pulled the bottle away and sighed as he climbed out of his husband's lap.

"Sleep, baby... Just sleep." Gerard said, lying down next to Jon. 

Jon was lying back down too and he shut his eyes and took a deep breath, lifting his arm up with the missing hand and rested it over his chest. Gerard looked at it. His husband's new body... He looked so incomplete. It didn't feel like he was actually here. Gerard felt like he was laying with a ghost.

And that's when it hit him. Is this exactly how Jon felt about him? Instead of contemplating whether that was true or not Gerard already knew the answer... It was yes. 

There was no doubt about it.


	14. Strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He never wanted them to be like this. He never wanted to feel like he was going to lose everything again. He never wanted that to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man oh mannnnn. How long as it been since this has been updated?! I can't even remember but here she is! Enjoy guys <3 
> 
> Xoxo

**One Month Later**

"He hasn't even apologized for it. That's what's really upsetting. He just mopes around, looking for every little thing to yell at me for... That's probably why he's been treating me like crap." Jon said, scratching the back of his head. 

"I told you it wasn't like that though... I mean, we did... Do it, but not because he wanted to."

Jon stared at him with a sneer. "He still did it. He still fucking slept with you! He didn't tell me. I'm pretty sure he wasn't even going to tell me."

Bert sighed. "Yet... You two still sleep in the same room?"

Jon averted his eyes to the water. "What else am I supposed to do? I can't avoid him forever. This is the zombie apocalypse, Bert. I have no choice."

Bert looked at the water too and shrugged his shoulders. "I say fuck it... Forgive him. Like you said, this is the zombie apocalypse."

Jon pursed his lips and took a deep breath. It was easier said than done... He wishes he could forgive Gerard. He loved his husband more than anything. His heart was just hurting... He couldn't even think about the man without feeling like his chest was going to implode.

"I'll... Try." He whispered and Bert patted his back. 

"That's the spirit! You're all you guys have. Don't let it fade away because of something that isn't worth it. Like I said, it's not what it seems." Bert pushed himself up against the dock railing and plucked his cigarette off his ear and steadied it in between his lips.

"Do you... Like Gerard? Was it worth it for you? I mean, did it mean anything to you?" Jon asked in a hushed whisper.

Sally was entering the area with a water bottle and Jon's medicine. He didn't want the young girl to hear him. Bert took his unlit cigarette out of his mouth and sighed. He shook his head and then shrugged.

"H-he's your husband, y'know? Like... I thought I liked him, but when you see the person you're infatuated with _happy_ with another person... It just doesn't feel right." Bert admitted and Jon smiled weakly.

He respected Bert's honesty. He was always so fucking honest. He couldn't be mad at him. 

"I could've died out there, Bert. You saved me... I could've died and you could've been with Gerard if he wanted to." Jon said, looking at Sally as she stood a few feet away.

Bert laughed and shook his head slowly as Sally started to make her way to them.

"Gerard doesn't want me." He said and walked away.

Sally watched him leave. "What was that about?" She asked, turning to face Jon.

Jon said nothing. He only shrugged and took his medicine from Sally. He hoped Bert was right, but this new world has been nothing but unpredictable... 

Anything could happen.

* * *

"So, let me get this straight... You're saying you think you're pregnant?" Gerard sat on top of his bed next to Amber. 

She was sweating, her entire face was drenched in sweat and her fire red hair was in a massive, messy bun on top of her head.

"I've been puking... A-and I haven't gotten my period yet. I'm so bloated and I can't eat or smell anything without feeling nauseous."

Gerard sighed, scratching the side of his head. This wasn't something he could deal with right now, but the girl looked desperate. He couldn't just cast her aside.

"Who's the father?" He asked; his eyes skimming her pale face. 

She looked dejected. She looked like she was going to cry. Gerard reached forward and rubbed small circles on her back. 

"It's... M." She whimpered out, shaking like a leaf.

Gerard's heart sinks and his mouth goes dry. "Are you sure?" He asked darkly and she nodded, starting to cry. "Fuck... Did you tell anyone else? Does Larry know?"

Amber shook her head; tears hitting her thighs. 

Gerard gnawed down on his bottom lip and pulled the girl to him and started to rub small circles on her back again. "But are you sure, Amber... Are you one hundred percent sure?"

She nodded, sobbing now.

"We have to tell the others, sweetie. We have to go on runs to pick up meds... Do you want to keep it?" 

He didn't mean to sound cynical, but this was the fucking apocalypse. It wasn't an ideal world to be pregnant.

"I-I-I don't k-know. G, I'm scared." She stammered, burying her face in Gerard's shoulder.

Gerard sighed again and continued to rub soothing circles on her back. "Fuck. Okay. Do you want me to tell everyone? Or do you want to do it together? You can do it alone if you want, too." 

Giving her those kind of options was the best thing he could do at the moment.

"Can... Can you tell everyone? I'm r-really tired. I-I just wanna lie d-down." She peeled herself slowly off of Gerard and lied down in his bed, curling up in a ball.

Gerard watched her and nodded his head.

"Of course, sweetie. I'll be right back. Do you want me to bring you a water?" 

She nodded, sobbing into the sheets. She was shaking a lot less and that made Gerard feel a little better about the situation. He didn't want the poor girl to hyperventilate herself into a coma or something—if that was possible.

He left the room on that note and started to go to the other rooms. He started with Larry first, who was lying in his bunk, smoking a cigarette and reading the kids Dr. Seuss book.

"Good read." Gerard laughed, poking the hardcover.

"Mhmmm." Larry mumbled, smirking with his cigarette hanging between his lips. "Whatcha need Snow White?" He asked, plucking his cigarette out of his mouth.

Gerard laughed at the nickname and shook his head in denial. It was kind of a weird compliment in a sense.

"I need to talk to you about something." He said, taking a seat on the edge of the man’s bed. "... Amber's pregnant."

Larry sat up, wide eyed and staring at Gerard like he slapped his mother. "She's what?" 

"She's pregnant, Larry. She says it's M's." Gerard told him truthfully and the older man laid back down, palming his entire face.

"What... The... Fuck."

Gerard could totally relate to his reaction. He was just as surprised too.

"Yeah, so the guys need to go on a run. We need a pregnancy test and prenatal pills and also... Morning after pills. Just in case." Gerard blinked and then folded his lips together.

"What the hell does any of that stuff even look like?" Larry asked, taking his cap off and ran his fingers through his thin, gray hair.

"I know what they look like. I could go, but I don't know if Jon'll let me. I mean, we can ask the other guys. I'm sure Bert knows. He had a pregnant girlfriend before all of this." Gerard informed him and Larry scratched his beard, nodding his head numbly.

"Alright... I best get up off my ass then, right?" He jumped out of bed and grabbed his bag off the ground. "Let everyone know. I'm gonna get ready."

Gerard got up from the bed and exited the Larry’s room. He wanted to go to Jon next. He just hoped the older man will talk to him.

Making his way through the living room, Gerard went up the flight of deck stairs and went all the way to the top where Jon usually was. He could hear his husband's voice. He sounded calm... Happy even.

"Jon..." Gerard called out apprehensively. 

He made it up the last step and who he sees talking to his husband makes him see red and his jaw clench.

Sally looks over her shoulder and her smile drops. She immediately hops off the edge of the hot tub and tells Jon a quiet 'Gerard's looking for you. See you later'. For some reason that made Gerard angrier. 

Jon said a goodbye back and watched her walk right past Gerard and down the staircase.

"What's up?" Jon asked the younger man, fixing his arm sling.

Gerard approached him slowly, looking at his nubby arm and frowned. "How're you feeling? Is anything hurting?" He was in front of the taller man, wanting so badly to touch his face and kiss him.

Jon shrugged and spat over the edge of the deck and into the water below them. "I'm fine... For now. These pain meds are really strong. Without them I still feel some agitation."

Gerard licked his lips and reached out to touch his husband's right shoulder. "I... I need to tell you something. It's about Amber."

Jon rose a brow and stepped forward a bit. "Is she okay?"

Gerard shrugged and blinked hard. "She's pregnant. It's M's."

Jon released a deep sigh and raked his fingers through his scalp. "Shit... Are you serious."

"Mhm..." Gerard hummed, smoothing his hand up and down Jon's tense shoulder.

"God. That's rough. What is she gonna do?" Jon looked down at Gerard, staring into his eyes intensely. "Is she gonna keep it?"

Gerard shrugged and lowered his hand until it's at Jon's bicep. "I don't think she decided yet."

"Does anyone else know about this?"

Gerard pulled back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Just you, me and Larry. I wanted to ask if you could tell the others for me. I need to get Amber some water. Oh... Also, Bert, Frank and Larry are going on a run to pick up a few things for Amber. If you need anything ask, okay?"

Jon nodded and averted his eyes to the floor. "Were you thinking of going with them...? The guys I mean...on a run."

Gerard licked at his chapped lips and dropped his gaze to the floor too. "I... Might need to, ya know? Just in case the guys don't know what to look for. But I doubt it."

Jon looked up from the floor and stared Gerard up and down. "I really don't want you to go... I know you're immune, but... I just—I worry about you. You haven't been all there since the incident."

Gerard frowned. "What're you trying to say?"

"Gerard... You've changed. You're more aggressive. You hardly sleep. You hardly eat. You... You're different and I don't want you to get hurt." Jon reached out and pushed a strand of Gerard's hair away from his eyes.

"Jon. Don't, okay? Fucking don't." Gerard backed away, shaking his head in disbelief. "If I need to go I'll go. I'll be fine."

Jon grabbed Gerard's arm and tightly gripped him and he looked him in his eyes. It was intense and even Gerard was feeling weird about this entire thing.

"Please... Gerard. Don't upset me, baby. I haven't been myself these past few days either. I don't want you to make me do something I'll regret." 

Gerard clenched his jaw, frowning. "Let go, Jonathan. I need to get Amber some water."

Jon let go immediately, nodding his head stiffly. "Sure... Get to that. I'll see you in the room in a few."

Gerard looked his husband up and down and then backed away, pursing his lips. It didn't feel right. The way they were talking to one another... Almost like they were enemies.

Everything had changed. The world... Them. 

Gerard wanted the nightmare to end.

* * *

"Thanks again Gerard. You made this easy for me... You're such a good friend." Amber was half asleep in her bed, holding onto Gerard's hand.

Sue sat perched on Gerard's lap, watching Gerard caress the back of Amber's hand with his thumb. She was in a trance.

"Don't worry, baby. You don't have to thank me... I'm proud of you, ya know? It takes a lot of guts to go to someone about this sort of thing. It's scary too. You're strong."

Amber smiled sheepishly; her grip loosening on Gerard's hand. "You too, Gerard. You're the strongest person I know. Jon is so lucky to have you in his life. I'm so jealous."

Gerard smiled at her and giggled. "Stop it. I'm old enough to be your dad..."

The young red headed girl smirked with her eyes finally slipping closed. " _Dad_..." She whispered weakly to herself. "You remind me of him."

Gerard swallowed audibly and his eyes started to sting with tears. She was finally asleep and her hand slips out of Gerard's easily when he stands up, holding Sue close to his chest. 

She was starting to fall asleep too and as Gerard leaves Amber's room he goes to Sally's and the kids room, where Gus and Sally were already fast asleep, and lays the young girl in her bed. 

"Goodnight baby... I'll see you tomorrow." Gerard whispered, pecking her cheek.

She nodded and yawned, cuddling into her pillow and blankets. Gerard smiled and backed out of the room, shutting the door slowly behind him.

"G." 

Gerard jolted at the sudden call and turned around.

"Frank... You fucking scared me." Gerard said through his teeth; breathing harshly through his nose.

Frank laughed, shuffling a little, as he scratched the back of his head. "Heh, sorry... Um, on that run we went out to get the stuff... I found some bottles of wine. Want a glass or two on the deck with me? I figured you'd need it after this long ass day."

Gerard glared at the younger man, smirking a little. "Wine? What kind of wine."

"Umm... Red."

Gerard giggled loudly, taking Frank's arm. "What kinda red wine?"

Frank walked them to the stairs, where he kind of already set up a blanket and glasses of wine. Maybe he even had a few bags of pretzels. 

"Chianti." Frank allowed Gerard to go up the spiral staircase first.

"Oooh, Italian. My absolute fav."

There it is, Frank thought. His hands got all clammy and his eyes widened. Everything about this moment was celestial. Frank couldn't help it. He had to look at Gerard's ass. It was big, round and fucking tight. Frank could see that ass in his wet dreams, bent over in his face. He wanted that to happen. He wanted to low key give Gerard—Jon's husband— a fucking rim job.

Frank knocked himself out of his thoughts and went up next. Gerard was already up on the deck, gasping at the little, romantic deck picnic.

"Frank!" Gerard squeed, pushing his hands on his hips. "What in the world..." He skimmed the area with adoration in his eyes.

Frank smiled at his reaction and guided him to sit in his spot. He picked up the glass for him too. The fucking glass he found on the run. He had to wrap it in a towel and everything so it wouldn't break in his bag.

"You deserve it man. What you did for Amber was so cool. Very noble." Frank plopped down in front of Gerard, resting his elbows on his knees. 

Gerard chuckled light heartedly and shrugged. "Not really... It's what any decent person would do."

Frank nodded and watched as Gerard took his first drink of the wine. He smiled when Gerard closed his eyes and let out a content little moan.

"Oh how I've missed the finer things in life." The older man whispered, blinking his eyes open. "Believe it or not... I was doing okay before all of this. Self employed, beautiful home... Loving, loyal husband. I was living the dream."

Frank listened to the waver in Gerard's voice. The wine clearly opened up some healing wounds. He didn't mean to make Gerard vulnerable.

"Were... Were you happy?" Frank asked and Gerard looked into his eyes.

There was something there. It wasn't obvious but it wasn't discreet. 

"... I don't remember. I just know I had it made. I mean, at the time I didn't—I was a fucking spoiled brat. I cared about material shit... L-like the latest music, art... I liked to—" Gerard interrupted himself to take a swig from his wine glass. "I liked to redecorate my entire house, like, once a fucking month because I kept feeling like something was missing. It doesn't really help that I was hammered almost every fucking day."

Frank could relate to that. He wasn't grateful back then either. Living from apartment to apartment, playing music with his band in seedy bars, scraping by with part time jobs. He should have worked harder... He should have gone out and talked to people. He might've been able to actually do something with his life. He wasted it. He wasted everything.

"I know what you mean." Frank said, downing his glass of wine.

He went for the open bottle and leaned over to pour more into Gerard's glass.

"Nothing we can do now though except make the most of what we've got. We have to be smart. We have to be quick. We gotta look out for one another. All of us. We're all we have." 

Gerard nodded absentmindedly and sipped his wine.

"Whatever is going on with you and Jon is going on with all of us. We can help each other, G. I can help you."

Gerard nodded again, sighing this time.

"Let me in, okay?" Frank scooted closer to the older man and touched his thigh. "I know you're going through some scary shit. I am too... You get the cravings, right? Can you smell it?"

Gerard stared at Frank in shock, nearly dropping his wine. "Frank... I... Yeah. Yeah, yeah I do. Oh god." 

Frank took a deep breath, setting his glass down on the deck floor.

"We're immune, Gerard. You and I have been on the other side. We know what it's like to be one of those things out there." Frank brought his hand up to Gerard's cheek, caressing the moist flesh there with his thumb in soothing circles.

"I'm not entirely sure. W-what if it's just a side effect? Like, what if... It'll go away, right? I don't want anyone to get hurt. What if we hurt the others?" Gerard looked the younger man in the eyes, staring deeply into them—almost through.

Frank shook his head, dropping his hand from Gerard's face.

"We'll keep each other in check, okay? If you start to have another one of your episodes call for me or find me. I'll do the same."

Gerard felt better hearing those word. A ton of weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

"I'm... Scared shitless. I just—" Gerard is interrupted by the sound of someone climbing the staircase.

Frank hears it too and immediately goes back to his previous spot.

"Hey." 

It's Jon.

"What're you two up to?" He stood behind Frank, facing Gerard.

Gerard looked into his glass of wine. He avoided answering the question. They were having a heart-to-heart and Jon had ruined it.

Frank sat his glass down and looked up at Jon.

"Hanging out. Having a wine and talking about our feelings like a couple of chicks." Frank laughed and Gerard looked up at him, shooting him an expression that screamed 'thank you'.

"Yeah?" Jon asked. "I wanted to talk to Gerard for a minute."

Frank got up slowly, leaving his wine on the floor. "Alright, um... I guess I'll be right back then." He said it to Gerard, smiling weakly at him.

Gerard smiled back, tracing the rim of his glass with his index finger slowly.

As soon as Frank disappears Jon gets down and takes his spot. He grabs the bottle of wine and looks at it with scornful eyes.

"We talked about this, didn't we? Your drinking problem."

Gerard bit his lip and pressed the glass of wine to his lips. He chugged it all. Jon sighed, setting the wine bottle down as he watched his husband drink.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay... And I wanted to ask if you were coming to bed tonight." He sounded pitiful. Gerard wanted to punch him and kiss him at the same time.

"I don't know. Should I?" Gerard asked, shifting slightly in his spot.

Jon nodded and looked Gerard in his eyes.

"I know I should still be mad at you, but who makes those rules anyway, right? I miss being close to you... And today—when you told me about Amber... It just felt like we weren't even married. It was cold." Jon said.

Gerard met his eyes. He just said everything Gerard had felt.

"I... Miss you too. And you know I really am sorry. I really am." Gerard sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

He never wanted them to be like this. He never wanted to feel like he was going to lose everything again. He never wanted that to happen.

Jon scooted over to Gerard and wrapped his right around around him. Gerard gripped his shoulder, making sure not to come in contact with the nub of his husband's former arm.

"Shhh... I know, baby. I love you. I love you so much. I hated not talking to you. I hated every minute of it." Jon hushed Gerard, cradling him with his arm.

Gerard clutched onto him, crying on his shoulder.

"It's all my fault. It's all my fucking fault. I can't. I can't do it anymore." Gerard sobbed loudly.

The wine was making him emotional. His head was spinning. He felt like he was going to puke.

Jon continued to quietly shush him. 

"We're okay. Nothing bad is going to happen. I have you and you have me. We're okay, baby. We're okay."

Gerard's sobs turn into harsh, shaky intakes of breath.

"No." Gerard whispered, shaking his head slowly as he lifts his head to look into Jon's eyes. The tears staining his face are drying on his skin. "We're not."

Not in this world and not in the next.

* * *

Frank can hear Gerard crying and it was worrying him. He climbed up the staircase, eyes immediately landing on the two men. They were embracing one another and Frank went down a step, hovering slightly to continue watching them.

"You have to listen to me, okay? I don't want you to think I'm trying to control you. I'm not. I just don't want you to die. I can honestly care less about what happens to anyone else. You're what's important to me, okay?" Jon said quickly and quietly.

Frank frowned. That was a little fucked up, but he gets it. 

"... I... Why? Why do you still love me? I... I fucked up. You should hate me. You should hurt me. I slept with Bert, Jon. I... I let him—"

Jon interrupts the crying man by clearing his throat.

"Stop it. Stop... I know why you did it. I understand."

Gerard whimpered and released a shaky breath. "He loves me. He loves me and I got bit and I thought that if... If I let him... That he would be happy. I just want everyone to be happy, but then I survived what happened to me. I didn't want to. I still don't want to." He admitted and Jon pulled him back to look into his eyes.

"... Listen." Jon started. "Look at me. Look at my body. I'm missing a fucking hand to be with you. Never fucking tell me you wanna die, okay? That's so fucking selfish."

Gerard started to cry even harder, nodding his head quickly.

"I just... I was scared that you wouldn't want to be with me anymore. I didn't want you to know, because I thought that you would hate me."

Jon sighed and kissed the top of Gerard's head.

"Never... I could never."

Frank decided to come back up. He walked over to where the men were holding one another and looked them over. He was jealous. He was so fucking jealous. He wanted what they had.

"... Guys." Frank said quietly and Gerard looked up at him. "Enjoy the rest of the wine, okay? I'm going to bed."

Gerard frowned. Jon looked up at him and then looked down at Gerard. "That's really nice of you Frank. Thanks."

Frank forced a smile and nodded. "Yeah no problem. I'll see you two tomorrow. G'night." He waved and turned around to leave.

"Goodnight, Frankie." Gerard called after him and Frank smiled to himself.

He kept smiling until he made it to his and Bert's room. He's never smiled so much before. Not even before the apocalypse. Gerard could only do that to him.

"What're you smilin' for?" Bert asked from his bunk with a cigarette hanging in between his lips. 

Frank got into his bunk, chuckling to himself.

Gerard's voice is replaying over and over again in his head.

" _Goodnight, Frankie_."

Frank pushed his hands to the back of his head and he sighed, looking up at the ceiling. 

"Nothing." He said.

And that was the biggest lie he has ever told.


	15. Love and Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world has come to an end again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooowwwwwwww-weeeeeee!!! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! Oh my god please don't hate me! 
> 
> *throws update at you guys*
> 
> *runs away screaming*
> 
> Ahhhh!!! ENJOY! Next update soon! I have two more chapters prepared! See you next week! AH! *skull-face*

**Two Weeks Later**

Gerard loosened his grip on Jon's shoulders as he came. Jon lifted his hips one last time and then it was his turn. He released inside and Gerard relished the feeling of being filled up. He loved it.

"Oh... Oh, god." Gerard said in between pants as he nuzzled his husband's nose with his own. "Mmm... J-Jon... _Wow_." 

Jon laughed breathlessly with his hand still tightly pressed into Gerard's hip.

"Yeah... Fuck, I know. That was... Holy shit." He wheezed, laughing louder.

Gerard laughed too and pressed a kiss against Jon's sweaty temple.

"Almost as good as our honeymoon." He whispered and then raked his fingers through the back of Jon's shaggy, greasy hair.

"Yeah. Almost. We still need to try and top that by the way." Jon said, sliding his hand down Gerard's sweaty hip and towards the small of his back.

"I still think that guy at the bar put something in our drinks... After we told him we were on our honeymoon he got a little too enthusiastic about it." Gerard said, giggling quietly.

He could hear someone walking down the hall. It could be anyone, but he wasn't trying to pay any mind to whoever it was. They were most likely trying to get to the bathroom.

"Maybe he thought that we would ask him to join us." Jon said, yawning obnoxiously.

Gerard shrugged and gingerly climbed off of Jon's lap. The feeling of Jon's softening cock sliding out of him made him grimace a bit. Not because it was painful, but because he hated being so full and then suddenly empty. 

"Yeah, well... If it was drugs that made the sex that amazing I definitely wouldn't mind trying it again." He admitted with a snort and Jon rolled his eyes playfully.

"Yeah, yeah... Baby, could you get me some water? I feel like I ran a fucking marathon." Jon asked, lying down on the bed fully.

Gerard nodded and grabbed his sweatshirt and joggers. He slipped the daggy clothes on quickly and then exited the bedroom. He walked down the minuscule hall whilst shaking his hand in his unruly mane. His back ached and his ass hurt a little, but he managed to look like he wasn't just fucked out of his mind a minute ago as he walked towards Sally and Amber who were in the kitchen prepping a meal.

"Hey." Gerard called out, going through the cooler on the table. He pulled out a water bottle.

"Hey handsome." Amber said with a smile grazing her youthful face.

Sally said nothing and Gerard wasn't surprised. She fucking hated him and he found it in his heart to hate her back. Gerard doesn't take kindly to people who try to ruin his marriage. Before Gerard could stop himself he glared at the girl and laughed under his breath. She caught it and stopped what she was doing to glare right back at him.

"What?" She asked, putting her hands on her hips. 

Amber muttered for her to stop and Gerard shrugged.

"Nothing... Just getting _my husband_ some water." He said and then exited the kitchen before Sally can say anything else.

As he walked back down the hall he couldn't hide the smile on his face and he couldn't stop the small laugh from escaping his lips. He opened his and Jon's bedroom door and stepped in.

"What's so funny?" Jon asked, pulling the blanket over his lap.

"Oh, nothing..." Gerard said, climbing back into bed. "Here's your water, honey." He gave the man the bottle after he uncapped it for him.

Jon reached over and grabbed it. "Thanks." He said and started to down the water in one chug.

Gerard watched him and continued to smile to himself.

"Remember... When you proposed to me?" Gerard asked, crawling on to the older man's lap. 

He pushed his fingers through Jon's hair. Jon smiled as he pulled the water bottle away from his lips. He nodded and then looked into Gerard's eyes.

"Yeah... I was sweating bullets. I thought you were gonna say no." Jon admitted, chuckling.

Gerard laughed and shook his head. "You took me to see Morrissey live. How could I say no to that?" 

Jon laughed too and sat the water on top of the nightstand. He smirked. "I did that to make it harder for you to deny me." 

Gerard giggled and playfully slapped Jon on the cheek. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... I said yeah because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you." 

"Mmm... Is that so?" Jon asks groggily. "Well... That's what's happening."

Gerard giggled. "Yeah... Try not to sound so enthusiastic, baby." He pet Jon's cheek lightly.

Jon smirks and playfully rolls his eyes. They share post coital bliss.

* * *

**Two Days Later**

Bert follows closely behind Frank. They both have their guns out and start scouting as soon as they find a building. They only kill about four zombies—two each. It's easy for them now.

"Prenatal pills... We better find them this time... Do you still have the drawing Gerard did?" Bert asked quietly.

Frank nodded, pulling the note from his front pocket. He passed it to Bert.

"Alright..." He looks through shelves. "This looks like it... Thank-fucking-God. I was worried we wouldn’t find any more." He grabs a box and shakes it.

Frank's passing by, grabbing painkillers and canned goods. There wasn't much, but it was something.

"Gerard's a decent drawer." Frank said. "And he has good memory. How did he know in the first place...?"

Bert shrugged. "No idea. Maybe he saw commercials about 'em. He said he was a shut-in before all of this—watched lots of television."

Frank nodded. "That could be it."

They go silent after that. Frank wondered if Bert still liked Gerard. It was possible. You just couldn't magically stop liking someone... Especially when you're always around them so it wasn't like he could just forget him.

"Do you..." Frank said, trailing off to find the right words. 

Bert turned to face him.

"Do you still, ya know... Have feelings for him?" Frank asked, trying to avoid eye contact with the other man.

Bert sighed deeply and averted his gaze to the floor. He merely shrugged.

"I'm trying not to. He's married... He's got Jon and they're so in love with each other. When, I, uh... When he and I hooked up I felt guilty as fuck, man. I just... I was selfish. I didn't know he was immune and he was practically my best friend who I had a boner for. Honestly, I can't remember who initiated it, but... When we did it in that janitors closet of that market..." Bert suddenly stopped.

He looked like he was traveling back into time during those moments.

* * *

_"I-I'm s-s-scared..." Gerard sobbed, trembling erratically. "I-I-I'm g-gonna d-d-die, B-Bert.." He choked out._

_Bert managed to rush them inside some sort of custodial closet. He had a rag he had found on the shelf of said closet pressed against the wound on Gerard's arm. There's was so much blood. Gerard was pale and sweating and still crying. The zombies outside the door was scratching and screeching and trying to get inside._

_"Gerard. Shhhh... Please, we gotta get out of this okay? We have to get you back to Jon." He said and he felt bad for even bringing up their next move, but he had no choice._

_Gerard clamped his mouth shut tightly and pressed his head against Bert's shoulder. He whimpered and whined the entire time. Bert felt the man's shaking stop and felt his knee against his groin. It wasn't on purpose. They were squished in a closet in a fucked up situation. It was an accident._

_Bert wanted Gerard to stop crying. He dropped the bloody rag on the floor and pulled Gerard closer to him by pushing his hands up Gerard's shirt to caress his bare hips. He had the man's supple flesh pressed against the palms of his hands. Gerard stopped shaking._

_It was blurry next. There was just so much adrenaline and anxiety. Their lips were mashed together. Spit, tongue and teeth clanking against each other's. Gerard backed up and Bert thought was he was going to faint, but he had bent forward and pulled his jeans and underwear down quickly. Bert then did the same, but yanked his shirt off too._

_Bert managed to fuck Gerard open with his spit slicked fingers. He did tediously until he pulled them out and hacked up more spit. He even had Gerard add his own by making his spit into the palm of his hand. He coated himself and then hoisted the older man up until he had him against the wall. Gerard's arms wound up around his shoulder and his legs around Bert's waist._

_They did it slow at first, but then the pace gradually sped up. Bert pounded up into the older man frantically. Their breathing was uneven and rapid. There was a build up of sweat and moans and Gerard's blunt fingernails scratched up and down Bert's sweaty shoulders._

_Their moans bounced around the small, dark space and the zombies behind the door blended in with it. Gerard was close and Bert was too. They came in unison and when Bert pulled out they sunk to the floor, slumped over one another, panting._

_They fell asleep for an hour or so and when they woke up the zombies were gone and Gerard still hadn't turned._

_He would never turn._

* * *

"I fell in love with that moment... That feeling of loss and lust... Love and death. He wasn't going to be around after—we thought. He did that for me, because he knew how I felt about him. He... He tried to make someone happy one last time." Bert went down the aisle and scanned the shelves to distract himself.

Frank listened intently to what Bert had to say. It made sense. All of it. Even now, the world wasn't as black and white as it seemed. There was still color. 

"I think I love him, too." Frank admitted and Bert's eyes instantly landed on him.

He had a look of shock on his face, but then it quickly dissipated and his expression transitioned to sympathy. He looked relatable. 

"There's just something about him that makes me think of home."

Bert moves around, shoving his hand between shelves. He finds a bag of chips and holds them up in the air.

"He sure does." Bert said, agreeing with Frank's previous statement. "He sure does..."

* * *

Frank and Bert make it back to the boat. They enter quickly with the key. 

"She should be in her room." Bert said as he made his way to where Amber would be.

He makes it to the front door and knocks gently. 

"Amber... It's me. We have the pills. Can I come in?"

There's silence following behind his question. Frank looks at him and shrugs. 

"She's probably asleep." He whispered, taking what he said in to consideration.

Bert shook his head slowly and knocked again.

"Amber—"

The sound of a door slamming open causes both men to jolt where they stood

Gerard had just exited his and Jon's room. He shut the door gently behind him.

"Hey, did you guys get the vitamins for Amber?" He asked paternally as he wrapped his arms around himself.

Frank almost thought, in that instant, that Gerard was Amber's dad. They did look related sometimes so that didn't help either. 

"She's not answering. We think maybe she's napping." Frank said and Bert shook his head again.

Gerard gently stepped in front of them and they backed up into one another to let him. He knocked on the door as if his rap would be any different.

"Amber, sweetie..." He crooned. "It's me, Gerard. I'm coming in, okay?" He gripped the door knob and started to turn it slowly.

Frank and Bert hovered behind him, looking into the dark bedroom suddenly before them. Gerard steps in first. He doesn't flick on the lights, he just goes straight for the red headed girl lying motionless on the bed.

"Amber..." Gerard sat down next to her and touched her cold cheek.

Suddenly, the lights flicker on and Gerard's staring down at the girl's pale, lifeless face. Gerard falls back instantly and screams. His scream echoes and it shakes the walls like an avalanche.

She's dead.

"Amber!!!" Frank screamed, rushing to her body.

He lifts her up and then his eyes go to the empty bottle of sleeping pills on the nightstand. 

"Fuck..." Bert murmured. "Fuck."

Amber's dead. Gerard keeps screaming and Jon is rushing into the room, looking around and it hits him... 

The world has come to an end again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the many typos! I'll go back and make sure they're fixed <3 thank you to those of you who have stuck by this fic—I promise I won't leave it.
> 
> Xoxo


	16. No Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Lock your doors and bar you windows. Do not leave your homes. This is not a drill. Remain calm and do not open your doors to strangers. I repeat: this is not a drill."

**Two Years Ago**

Gerard was finished. He set his paint brush in its cup filled with water and sighed, pushing his stained fingers through his greasy hair. He was drunk from the wine he had been drinking since noon. His lips and teeth were probably stained purple. He got up slowly, nearly stumbling through the door. It was around this time Jon would be coming home from work. Gerard had already prepared dinner and served Jon a plate that was currently sitting in the microwave with another plate on top of it to keep it warm.

Gerard entered the kitchen, flicking on the light absentmindedly, and went through the fridge for his second bottle of wine. He took it to the living room with him after he grabbed a glass and plopped down on the sofa. His poured himself a drink and sipped it as he turned on the television.

The news—he needed to watch the news to keep in touch with the rest of the world. He lost track of time always being inside. You could almost say, from a distance, he was agoraphobic. He only ever left the house to go shopping and to sometimes bring his husband his lunch. He always heard the neighbors whispering amongst themselves when they saw him. They probably thought Jon was beating him... After all, he was malnourished, pale and extremely unkempt, but that was his own fault. He always put himself last. He was a depressed, suicidal. 

"Breaking news... Homeless man attacks three police officers. The assailant was said to have been shot over thirty times. Is this another bath salt incident? Officials still don't know, but continue to investigate." 

Gerard leans back in his seat and moans quietly. The wine was hitting him hard. He was going to pass out soon. He could feel it. His entire body trembled and his breathing shallowed; his mouth is open agape and he's letting out these weak, whining sounds.

"HONEY, I'M HOME!" Jon chimed as he unlocked the front door and barged in. 

Gerard jolted in his spot and shrieked.

"Jon! What the fuck?! Why do you always—ugh!" Gerard nearly spilt his wine. That probably pissed him off more than the scare. "You're such an ass!" He slurred.

Jon cackled like a maniac as he slammed the door shut behind him with his foot. He locked it and rushed over to his husband.

"I fucking killed it today, baby! Three new clients. All million dollar listings. Commission's gonna be hot!" Jon cheered as he rushed over to his laid out husband.

He grabbed the glass of wine out of Gerard's hands and sat it on the coffee table. 

"I wanna celebrate!" Jon continued to exclaim.

Gerard giggled groggily and smiled. "Congrats, baby. I'm so proud of you... Give daddy a kiss." He puckered his lips.

Jon smacked him on the mouth playfully and helped him up.

"Ohh... So daddy's making an appearance today? Drunkie. C'mere..." He hoisted Gerard's wobbly body over his shoulder and went to grab the remote off the table to turn off the television set.

"Let's turn this noise off." Jon said as he quickly turned off the tv.

There was some woman going off about how the world was going to deteriorate. She's saying she saw it in a dream—premonition. She looked like a complete wacko and it made Jon laugh a bit as he carried his immobile husband through their home and into their room.

"There you go!" He groaned, dropping Gerard on the bed.

The younger man grunts when he hits the fluffy sheets and giggles as Jon starts to tug his slacks off. 

"I know the drill, tough guy. I can do it myself." Gerard said, starting to help Jon by working his shirt over his chest.

He's naked in under thirty seconds and Jon is next. Ripping his tie off, kicking his work shoes off and breaking his shirt open. The buttons fly everywhere and Gerard squeals when his husband charges at him and pushes himself in between his thighs while he sucks at his throat.

"F-fuck, Jon... God... You're really horny, huh?" He said in between giggles as Jon reaches over to pull open their nightstand drawer.

He doesn't detach his lips from his husband's throat as he fetches the lube. He's got his fingers prodding Gerard's clenching hole with his other hand, rubbing the pad of his thumb over Gerard's entrance.

"I'm gonna fuck you through the bed baby." Jon grunted, pulling his hand away to pour some lube on his fingers.

He slicks up two and pushes one inside of Gerard's opening. Gerard gasps at the pleasant intrusion. Jon starts to thrust it in and out of him slowly.

"Mmm... Daddy likes." Gerard said with a relaxed smile on his face as he sunk into the mattress, running his fingers through his own hair sensually. "That feels good... Add another." He urged and Jon starts to press his second finger in beside the other.

They shuffle around a bit to get a better angle. Jon starts to thrust his fingers in and out of his husband harder and faster, earning whimpers and mewls from Gerard's loose lips. 

"Like that... Oh god, just like that. Don't stop. Don't fucking stop." Gerard gasped, gritting his teeth as he fucks back on Jon's fingers almost aggressively. 

"Holy shit that's fucking hot..." Jon whispered under his breath.

He's not even thrusting his fingers anymore. Gerard's doing all the work.

"Oh god..." Gerard whimpered, pushing his hands up and down his own chest. He circles his nipple with his thumb as he nears climax. "I'm gonna cum, baby."

"That's it baby... I'm pulling them out okay? I'm gonna fuck you." He slides his fingers out slowly and Gerard whines, tossing his head back in frustration. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry."

Gerard laid there, letting Jon lift his legs and then put them around his hips. He already lubed himself up and was sliding inside.

He goes in gently and then gradually starts to fuck him harder and faster. He's back to feeling like he's on ecstasy again when Jon pounds into his prostate. He holds it there.

They're both close now and Gerard's shrieking like he's in heat.

"Ah-ah-ahhhhh, mmm." He whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut as warmth pools down in his groin. "C-cumming." He grunted and then he was with his fist around his cock, jerking off frantically and not in sync with Jon's thrusts. 

Jon was next. After a few minutes later he cums inside of Gerard and collapses on top of him, panting and swearing. 

Gerard catches his breath, holding his limp cock in his hand. He's letting go and then wiping his hand sloppily on the sheets.

"How was your day?" Jon asked with a chuckle, trying to catch his breath. 

He dropped his hand on Gerard's sweaty chest.

"It was fine. I finished a painting and um... I cooked. I cleaned... I had some wine—"

"Lots of wine..." Jon interrupted and Gerard nodded, laughing loudly. "Sounds relaxing."

"I'm so exhausted... It was such a long day, J... My back hurts. My head hurts. I talked to Mikey for about... An hour and he says that Ashley's flu is getting worse. He's taking her to the hospital, ya know... All those reports about a virus breakout. It's scary." Gerard said quickly and Jon pulled him close.

"Yeah...? Well, everything's going to be fine. Just try to get some sleep, okay?" Jon said as he pecked Gerard's cheek chastely.

Gerard held on to him and nodded. "Okay... Okay, I will. I'll try."

"Goodnight, baby. I love you."

"G'night... Love you too."

* * *

Gerard wakes up and like any other normal morning he makes himself and Jon a pot of coffee. He sits in the living room with his mug and sips as he turns on the television set to watch the news.

"Lock your doors and bar you windows. Do not leave your homes. This is not a drill. Remain calm and do not open your doors to strangers. I repeat: this is not a drill." 

Gerard's mouth drops open as he sets his mug on the coffee table. He raises the volume on the Tv and stares in shock. There's footage of the neighborhood over and people are running outside. Military are barging into houses and helping people evacuate. It looked like a horror film. Like a fucking zombie flick.

"... JON!" Gerard screamed, hurrying off the couch. 

He tightens his robe as he enters the bedroom.

"Jon, something's happening. Something's going on. Get up, baby." Gerard patted Jon's cheek frantically in attempts to wake him up. 

Gunfire echoes outside and Gerard shrieks.

"W-what?" Jon shoots out of bed, vertigo hits him and he falls to the ground.

Gerard helps him up immediately.

"We have to go, J. We have to get the hell out of here. We need to get Mikey and Ashley." 

They're his only family left.

Jon's rushing to the closet without a word. He's putting clothes on and grabbing a suitcase. Gerard goes to join him and that's when there's a bang at the front door. It echoes throughout their entire home and Gerard screams because there are soldiers barging into their bedroom, their guns pointed at them and one of them grabs Gerard and smashes him onto the bed.

Jon is next, but he fights. He's screaming and shouting and punching until he's submitted and dropped onto the mattress next to Gerard with his arms being held tightly behind his back.

"Remain calm! No more sudden movements!" The soldier that seems to be in command hollered.

Gerard yells and squirms when he's lifted off the bed and shoved to the floor execution style.

"Don't!" Jon screamed with his face smashed into the bed by the hand of the soldier holding his arms behind his back. "Don't fucking touch him! Don't touch my husband you son of a bitch!"

Gerard's eerily silent; his robe is coming undone and the soldier to his right is trying to look him in the eyes. He's trying to spot something that'll give him a reason to shoot Gerard in the face.

"Are either of you infected?!" 

Gerard shakes his head frantically with a whimper as Jon continued to shout obscenities.

"Do either of you have flu-like symptoms?!"

Gerard shakes his head again, shrieking as he's hoisted up by the back of his askew robe. 

"They're clear Mark. Call it in." 

Gerard's pushed back on to the bed next to Jon when the solider let's him go. In an instant, Jon's arms are around him, cradling him and kissing his tear stained face.

"Evacuation is in thirty minutes. Get dressed and gather a few essentials. You're being relocated."

Jon jumped up and followed behind the soldiers, leaving his crying husband on the bed.

"Where?!" He shouted after them.

One man turns to face him. "The local mall. Be ready."

* * *

Gerard's sitting out front with Jon. They've got their bags packed and they're both fully dressed. They're waiting to be transported to the mall.

"Why the mall?" Gerard asked, pacing back and forth. 

"They must have kept it clear... Maybe there's refuge there." Jon said quietly, biting his nails. "I can't believe this is happening. Fucking apocalypse. I wonder who's more accurate... Romero or Kirkman."

Gerard sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. "So far Romero... A fuckin shopping center, J. Dawn Of The Dead. Whoever decided that must be a fucking fan."

"Definitely the original." Jon co-signed and Gerard sighed.

He didn't want to think about it.

"I hope Mikey's ok. I'm really worried about him... Fuck, Ashley—goddamnit!" He said putting the pieces together.

She had flu-like symptoms...

"What?" Jon asked, getting up from his spot on the steps. "What's wrong?"

"Jon! She has the fucking flu! Or... Or whatever the fuck this is! She has it! That means... Oh god no. No. No. No!" Gerard is becoming hysterical.

The soldiers nearby start to approach them and Jon sticks his hand out to them in a way to tell them he has it under control.

"Baby... Look at me." And Gerard did, quickly. "Your brother's going to be fine. He's a smart guy, okay? We'll see him again. He's closer to the mall than we are. He's probably already there waiting for us." Jon said, consoling his distressed husband.

The soldiers who had been walking towards them steer away and as Jon wraps his arms around Gerard's waist. "We're gonna be okay, G. I promise you that."

Gerard pressed his head against Jon's chest and he took a deep breath. He wanted to believe Jon. He really did... But he just couldn't.

* * *

"You are not to leave this area. You are not to cause any trouble or start any problems with the other refugees. Remain calm. Everything's under control." Said Mark the soldier as he escorted them through the shopping center.

There aren't that many people inside... Maybe twenty... Thirty? Gerard was expecting more to be honest. He was shocked to see such a small group. Jon was holding his hand, guiding them through the mall. Gerard was looking around for Mikey. He was desperately scanning through the terrified people trying to find his brother's face. So far, no luck. He had expected it.

"This is your quarters. You will remain confined here until I allow the doctor to come see you. You will both be given examinations and like I said before... Don't start any trouble and you'll be fine." He said and left on that note.

Gerard looked around the appliance store and took a deep breath. He sat down on the mattress on display and placed his fingers in his hair as he leaned over his lap with his elbows on his knees.

"This isn't so bad... It could be worse." Jon said. "We'll be back home in no time, baby. This is only temporary."

Gerard glared at him and shook his head. "The news, Jon... You didn't see what I saw. There were..." He trailed off.

He could see people chasing people... Jumping, biting, screaming... Blood. So much blood.

"Hey." Jon said sympathetically as he approached the younger man. "Look at me, baby..." He grabbed Gerard's chin and angled his head so that he was looking up.

Gerard stared into his eyes, blinking back tears.

"Everything's going to be okay... I promise." Jon said, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss against Gerard's quivering lips.

* * *

The virus spreads throughout the mall four hours later. Jon kills an already dead soldier charging after to him. He uses a pair of heavy duty scissors. People scream... They run out of the building and they never come back.

Three hours after, Gerard kills a teenage girl. She had to have been no older than fifteen. She's short, frail, her eyes are brown and her hair is cut boyishly. Gerard will never forget the look on her face when he smashes a bat across her head.

Two hours later, Jon and Gerard hear screaming outside and when they open the doors an older man and woman, two teenage girls and a very young girl and boy are being rushed inside. They're all screaming and covered in blood and sweat.

The next day, the news never comes back. The radios stop working.

Three days later, Bert finds a way inside the mall without anyone's help. Gerard goes to attack him, but Bert's faster. He tells Gerard he's not here to hurt or kill anyone. He says he's looking for a home. Gerard tells him there isn't a place for him here. Jon disagrees.

Weeks go by...

They lose more people.

They lose more people.

They lose more people.

Gerard loses hope.


	17. Stressed To Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard had been puking. His eyes had been bleeding. He's been delusional. He's been eating and sleeping less. He's been erratic and violent... He's deteriorating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! So this chapter is... Wow, okay? It's wow. I never saw myself going this route, but I'm pretty freakin stoked about it! I'm gonna end on that note so enjoy! Xoxo

Gerard's eyes can't stay shut. He's crying and screaming and hitting himself over and over and over again. She's dead. She's fucking dead. It's all his fault.

Jon's close by to make sure Gerard doesn't hurt himself and he's crying, too. He's holding the younger man close and petting his hair back. He keeps saying his name, calling to him to make him snap out of this hysteric episode. 

Gerard keeps blaming himself and Jon doesn't understand why. 

"Gerard. Please! Please, stop! Listen to me! It's not your fault! STOP!" Jon's holding his husband's clenched hands and attempting to stop him from hitting himself again. He was bruised up enough as it is.

There was only so much Jon can do with one hand. Frank immediately steps in and helps Jon bind Gerard's wrists behind his back with a belt. Gerard lays there slumped, biting his lips and muttering chopped up sentences to himself.

Jon falls back and hits his head on the wall.

"Fuck..." He sobbed; his face withering up. "He finally lost it, Frank. What am I suppose to do?" 

Frank sighed, staring at Gerard lie still on the bed like a corpse. He was still saying things to himself, whispering now and Frank's trying to understand him, but he can't.

"He'll be okay, Jon. He just needs to rest and... And he'll be better in the morning. We just have to keep a close eye on him. I'll tell Sally to bring medicine and an ice pack. His face is swelling up." Frank said and Jon palmed his face as he nodded defeatedly.

When Frank goes Jon looks over Gerard's frame and sees how still he is. His breathing is hardly visible and Jon stands up quickly to touch Gerard's lax face.

"G...?" He asked in a hushed tone.

Gerard's eyes dart around quickly and then they suddenly land on Jon. He opens his mouth to speak.

"Mikey...?" He whispered hoarsely.

Jon released a trembling breath and shook his head slowly.

"No... No, baby."

Gerard closed his eyes slowly and took a deep breath.

"I miss you."

* * *

"How's Gerard?" Bert asked Sally as she exited the room.

He had been pacing back and forth in front of Jon and Gerard's bedroom door.

Sally's face lacked expression. 

"He's... Not looking too good. He's just in shock again—acute stress reaction, to be specific. This time it could be fatal." She said, shaking her head. "He just... He kept calling me Amber and... And he's just losing it. I don't know what to do." 

She walked away on that note, still shaking her head in defeat.

Bert rushed into the bedroom when she disappears. Jon's sitting with Gerard's head in his lap. He's still bound at the wrist and he's looking around the bedroom with little to no movement and expression.

"She gave him some medicine. Something to help him sleep. He'll be okay." Jon said, petting Gerard's hair one last time before he gently moved him aside so he could get up. 

Gerard's eyes slip shut slowly and Bert watches when they do. He sighs and looks back up at Jon.

"I was really worried about him. I... I got scared." 

Jon inhaled deeply and pushed his fingers through his sweat soaked hair. 

"Me too. I just... I get why he's like this, ya know? I get it. I just wish he wouldn't blame himself. He's always fucking blaming himself. He didn't kill his brother, the others or Amber, but he thinks he did. He thinks it's all his fault."

Bert scratched the back of his head. Jon was right. Gerard always blames himself. No one really knew why. 

"Do you think he feels guilty because he can't turn? Maybe he... Maybe he thinks he can do more to save everyone with this advantage—or could have done more." Bert speculated.

Jon wracked his brain. This all felt like deja-vu . Deja-fucking-vu.

"I know, Bert. But why?! Why does he think like this? I want him to stop. I want him to—" Jon stopped shouting when he heard Gerard groan.

"I'm so sorry, Jon. I'm so sorry..." Gerard cried out, salivating.

Jon turned to look at his husband. His eyes were closed. Was he dreaming?

"Talking in his sleep it seems." Bert pointed out and Jon sighed.

"Hey... Um, I hate to ask you this right now, but can you keep an eye on him? I need to ask Sally about his condition. I kinda feel like I'm in the dark right now. I'll only be a minute." Jon asked, starting to make his way out of the bedroom.

"Yeah, of course. Take your time." Bert said and Jon thanked him before he disappeared.

Once he's gone, Bert slowly makes his way over to Gerard's sleeping figure. He skims his eyes around his sweaty, twitching face. Even though he's going through a mental breakdown Bert still thinks he looks beautiful—like a porcelain doll almost. 

"G..." Bert whispered and the sleeping man groaned out.

"J-Jon..." He whimpered. "Jon. Please... Please." 

Bert frowned. 

He leaned over and reached out to touch the man's cheek. His face was warm and wet. Bert sighed, allowing his fingers to go up and through Gerard's sweat damped hair. He whimpers again.

Without thinking, Bert leans even closer and presses his lips against Gerard's. He doesn't push through with his tongue or try to get anything out of it. He just lightly kisses the sleeping man for a moment before he pulls back to look over his unchanged expression.

"Jon." Gerard said again. More clearly.

"It's me: Bert." Bert admitted and Gerard's face somewhat softened.

Suddenly, his eyes start to open and looks into Bert's icy blue eyes. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Bert's eyes remained on Gerard's. He nodded his head sternly and took a deep breath.

"It's okay, G. It's okay. I love you." 

Gerard smiled sheepishly and closed his eyes again.

"I'm glad." He whispered. "I'm so happy."

Bert backed away from Gerard quickly once he heard Jon moving down the hall with someone. 

"I just need help with him is all. I need to get him to eat and I need him to drink some water." Jon's voice boomed as he entered the bedroom with Frank following closely behind him.

"We're low on a lot of supplies, Jon. Larry's talking about sailing this damn thing down the bay. Maybe there are others out there and maybe we can make this group bigger." Frank said and Bert glared at him.

"He can't be serious. We don't know what we'll find. We just can't go by 'what ifs'." Jon stated, moving to get around to Gerard.

Frank followed and grabbed the man laying down with his arms tied behind his back to sit-up right. Jon helped and Gerard slumped against Frank's frame and groaned.

"We did when we got this place." Bert added and Jon stared at him, frowning.

"Have you guys seen us lately? We're a group made up of children and handicap and.. And..." He glanced at Gerard in his semi vegetative state.

"We're going to die if we stay here." Sally said, peeking through the bedroom door. "We need a doctor. We need food. We need more people. Look at Gerard... What are we supposed to do with him?"

Everyone looked at Jon.

"What? There's nothing we can do yet! He's fine. He'll be fine. He'll wake up tomorrow and he'll be himself again. He's just in shock." Jon said and even he couldn't convince himself.

He broke down when no says a word.

"J... He _will_ be fine. No one is saying he won't. We just... After Amber... We can't stay here like this. We need to find others... Shelter perhaps. How much longer will we be safe here?" Frank said, still holding Gerard close to him. "Think about Gerard. He needs a doctor. He needs special treatment. He'll... We'll die." 

"Frank's right." Bert said, biting his lip.

Jon looked everyone over and then finally looked at his husband. He was practically skin and bones and for a while now he's been pretending everything was okay. He was pretending there was nothing wrong with him and the way he was acting and the way he had stopped eating. There was something very wrong and it was beyond him and everyone else here. 

"Guys... There's something I need to tell you about Gerard."

* * *

**Five Days Later**

"Richard, this is Jon and his husband Gerard. They're from Larry's group. Gerard here isn't in good shape so we're leaving it to you to help him recover." Rachel said with a small smile. 

"Hi, I'm Richard. I'm Rachel's twin brother and I'm the Doctor around here... Um, I heard from Davis that Gerard is severely underweight... Around 52kg." He looked at his notes when he said this.

Rachel waved goodbye once she saw that she wasn't needed.

Jon shuddered. Even though that sounded about right he still couldn't believe it. Gerard sat slumped in the wheel chair they were provided with his head to the side. His hair covered half of his face and Jon pushed the greasy strands aside.

"Um, yeah... And he's been in shock for about a week now. He still talks and he'll call out for me, but... He isn't himself." Jon said, looking at his husband's absent demeanor. "I'm worried about him."

Richard hummed to himself and glided over to Gerard on his chair. He brought his hand up to his face and waved it around. Gerard's eyes didn't follow. He just stared blankly ahead.

"Shock, you say? Do you know what triggered it?" He asked, looking into Gerard's emotionless eyes.

"Yeah. We... We had another death in out group. Amber, she was like a little sister to Gerard—a daughter even. She killed herself and he saw her. She hadn't turned yet. We stopped that from happening." Jon said and Richard, brought a light up to Gerard's face as he held his head firmly in his hands. 

"Well..." Richard started, widening Gerard's eyes with his gloved hand. "He's not going to die... His pupils look normal. Has he been on any medication recently?" 

Jon shrugged. "Sally, the group nurse—Doctor... She gives him something to help him sleep."

"To sleep?" Richard questioned, examining Gerard's other eye.

"Y-yeah... We even had to tie his arms behind his back. He was punching and scratching himself. We had no choice. He was going to hurt himself."

Richard's moved the light away and pushed the back of his hand (without the glove) against Gerard's forehead.

"Hmm..." He hummed to himself. "Has he had any other symptoms?"

"Other symptoms? What do you mean?" Jon didn't like where this was going.

"Flu-like symptoms... The zombie virus—symptoms. Whatever this is—symptoms." Richard said bluntly,pulling his hand away from Gerard.

Jon thought for a moment...

Gerard had been puking. His eyes had been bleeding. He's been delusional. He's been eating and sleeping less. He's been erratic and violent... He's deteriorating.

"No... None." Jon said as he stared into Richard's eyes.

"Good. I'm going to need you to leave him here with me. We're going to get him the nutrients he needs and I'll also give him some antibiotics. He'll be fine, Jon. I promise."

"Jon." Gerard said quietly and Richard looked at him quickly.

"Ah, see that? He's not too far gone." Richard smiled, getting up from his seat to wheel Gerard to one of the gurneys in the back.

Jon sighed, watching Richard's attempt to get Gerard up. It didn't take him long or much strength. From where Jon was standing he could see Gerard's ribs sticking out through his dirty shirt that had been riding up.

"Before you go, Jon." Richard called out. "Could you put him in this?" He held up a hospital gown.

* * *

Gerard felt something cool on his face. Wet and cool, gliding across his forehead and cheeks. His eyes were closed so he can't see. He decides to fix that and slowly opens his eyes.

There's a man he doesn't recognize above him and he's startled by this. 

"Ah, Gerard." The man said, dropping the wet cloth he had been using to wipe Gerard's face clean. "You're finally awake and coherent. I bet you have tons of questions." 

Gerard blinked slowly and looked around. Where the fuck was he and where was his husband and the rest of the group?

"W-where am I?" He croaked out.

His voice was hoarse and dry.

The man held a cup of water out to him. 

"Here. Drink... It's water." 

Gerard snatched the cup out of the man's hands and downed the water quickly. He nearly choked and the man started to rub soothing circles on his back.

"Breathe... You're somewhere safe. Your husband, Jon, he's with the nurse. Her name's Rachel, she's my sister. She's cleaning his wounds and making sure there isn't an infection where he was amputated."

Gerard tried to take it all in. There were gaps missing and pieces that didn't fit. But what he did know was, he wanted his husband. He wanted to see Jon for himself.

"You're very lucky Gerard. Your group really cares for you. If it had been anyone else they would have left you behind." 

Gerard swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn't know what this guy was talking about. What the fuck was he talking about?

"How're you feeling?" The man asked and Gerard glared at him.

"I'm... Hungry." He said and on cue his stomach growled.

"Yeah, I bet, we've had you on the feeding tube for a few days. You're severely underweight, but you're looking a lot better now. I'll ask Max to whip you up something good." 

Gerard looked around the room. It looked like a hospital room. There was a desk in the far off corner with a plate of half finished food and cup of coffee. Gerard sniffed the air. Yeah, that was definitely coffee.

"When can I see my husband?" Gerard asked huskily.

"Whenever Rachel's done with him... Oh, and I'm Richard by the way." He said as he went to his desk.

Gerard followed him with his eyes.

"H-how's the rest of my group? Did everybody make it?" 

Gerard dreaded having to ask this question. It reminded him of Amber. That poor girl...

"I heard there were two children. A young woman. An older gentleman and three—I mean four young men including yourself. Apparently your group had been reunited with one of our newest members: Matthew. We picked him up a few months ago. He wasn't doing so well." Richard filled him in.

Gerard's heart stopped.

Matthew... M! It was M.

"Holy fuck." Gerard breathed out, palming his forehead. "Fuck..."

He thought about Amber. He thought about the baby... M's baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! :)


	18. Reprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt himself slipping. His vision was bleary and then black. He could only hear the rain and then nothing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... You guys are just going to have to bear with me. I know this chapter is going to confuse and upset some of you guys... Maybe all of you guys, but this is the direction I've been mentally preparing myself for. It has to be this way or it's going to sink—sink further than it has.
> 
> I'm done ranting. 
> 
> Enjoy xoxo

Jon had heard from Mckenzie (Richard's assistant) that Gerard was well now. When she had approached them (him and the others) everyone had rejoiced. Jon especially. 

"He's up and he's asking about you and your group. Do you wanna see him now? Richard's running a few tests on him at the moment, but I'm sure he won't mind a few visitors."

Jon couldn't run fast enough after the words leave her mouth. He jets down the base, leaving everyone behind him. He was already quickly approaching Richard's office and he can hear the man talking to someone—talking to Gerard.

"Yeah, we can get you some coffee. Jon told me you were quite the addict." 

"It's been so long. The last time I had some coffee was back at the shopping center. It was a French vanilla latte and it was wonderful."

Jon smiled. Gerard was Gerard again. His husband was back. He had missed him so much.

Without wasting another second, Jon barged in. Gerard suddenly turned and when they locked eyes Jon ran to him and embraced him like he hadn't seen him in years.

Richard stepped back, looking at the couple hold each other. 

"G... Oh my god. It's you... It's really you." 

Gerard breathed in his husband's scent; he's trying not to cry, but he couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry, Jon. I'm so sorry." Gerard sobbed into his husband's clean shirt.

Even though it didn't feel like it had been a long time for Gerard, he did wake up and his husband wasn't there. It had almost felt like he was never there... Like he wasn't ever coming back even for that minute.

"No. Shhhh... Shhh. Don't. Don't apologize baby. It's okay. I love you so much." Jon whispered, pressing a kiss against the side of Gerard's head.

The rest of the group enter the room and Larry leans against the door frame with a smile on his bearded face. Frank steps over to the two men and touches Gerard's knee.

"Welcome back. We all missed you. Bert was driving us all insane without you telling him to stop stealing everyones cigarettes. Give him a good scolding later." Frank joked and Gerard gently peeled his body from Jon's to look Frank properly in the eyes.

Bert rolled his eyes and refrained himself from running to embrace Gerard like Jon just had.

"I kinda missed the scolding to be honest." Bert said, smirking at Gerard.

Gerard giggled "I missed you all too." He said and looked around.

Sally was there. The kids were there. Larry was there... 

"Where's M?" Gerard asked.

Richard stepped around and went to his desk to grab his walkie-talkie.

"Hey it's Richard. Can you bring M to my office? He's got someone who wants to see him." 

Jon turned to Gerard and grabbed his hands.

"There's something you need to know about M... He's... He's not himself." 

Gerard frowned.

"What do you mean he's 'not himself'...?" Gerard asked and everyone went back to looking dejected.

"He's..." And before Jon can say anything the door is opening and M is being escorted inside the room, with his arms cuffed in front of him, by two men in military uniform 

Gerard glared at him intensely. The man he once knew stared back at him and his eyes suddenly darken.

"M...?" Gerard called out, gripping onto Jon's arm for support.

M lowered his head; his grown out hair curtains around his jaw, hiding his face from everyone.

"What happened to him?" Gerard asked, looking to Richard for answers. "What did you do to him?" 

Richard looked at him in shock.

"I didn't do anything to him. We found him like this. He had been living off of mice and pigeons, hiding in the lot we cleared across the street. Your friend was scouting us from afar, planning to steal supplies from _us_. If we had done anything to him we would have—" he stopped there and took a deep breath. "Listen, I tried to help him. He's... He has exhibited a severe case of dementia." 

Gerard closed his eyes tightly and jumped off, carefully with Jon's help, from the gurney he had been sitting on the entire time. He slowly started to approach M, sniffling slightly.

"M..." Gerard called out.

Everyone watched him in silence.

"Gerard... I don't think that's a good idea." Jon said, stepping up to grab Gerard's hand.

Gerard waved him off and stepped closer to M until he was standing in front of him.

"M..." He called out again and this time M looked up at him. "It's me, Gerard." 

M lifted his head and skimmed his eyes absently around Gerard's face. His face had softened and Gerard smiled at him, reaching out to push his hair behind his ear.

"Gerard." Richard called out. "He's hostile. Don't—"

And before anyone realizes, M's lifting his arms and lowering them until he's got them tightly wrapped around Gerard's body. The security next to them go for their weapons but M backs away quickly and uses Gerard as a shield.

"I'll kill him!" M screamed. "I'll fucking kill him! Don't touch me! Don't fucking touch me!"

Jon, Frank and Bert step around, standing their ground.

"M, let him go!" Jon screamed, panicking.

"It's okay!" Gerard screamed. "Stop it! Put your weapons away!" 

M pressed his mouth against Gerard's throat, threatening to sink his teeth into him.

"Gerard, this man is going to rip your throat out!" Richard screamed.

"M, let him go. Please! It's Gerard. He's your friend!" 

M shifted towards the door; his teeth still pressed against Gerard's throat. Gerard shifted with him with his head tilted awkwardly to the side.

"It's okay." Gerard said, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I'll be fine. Just let us go." 

M nodded harshly against him and Gerard winced as he teeth started go dig into his flesh. 

"Gerard, no! NO! I'm not losing you again!" Jon screamed, stepping towards them.

M automatically sinks his teeth into Gerard's flesh deeper and Gerard screams in pain. Jon stopped dead in his tracks with his eyes wide and dry. 

"I SAID IT'S OKAY!" Gerard shouted and M shifted again until the door was finally in reach. 

They slip through and everyone steps through too as soon as they lose sight of the men.

"Gerard!" Jon called out, watching them shimmy further down the hall.

Gerard didn't reply. He remained still and quiet as M worked his way up and down the building until they reach an open door of a dark room. He kicks the door open completely and steps in, then kicks the door shut behind them. He flicks the lift on with his shoulder, dipping slightly to do so.

"M... Listen to me." Gerard grunted as the man tightened his arms around him. "It's me... It's me: Gerard. I know you. You know me. We're friends."

"Gerard is dead. The raiders fucking killed him. You're not him. You're an imposter." M said mechanically as he finally pulled his teeth away from Gerard's throat. 

Gerard winced.

"I didn't, M. I didn't die. We didn't die. Please, please, just let me go. I won't tell them where you went. I need to see Jon. I want my husband." Gerard pleaded.

M lifted his arms, freeing Gerard. He doesn't move away from the door. 

"Jon is dead. They're all dead."

"No!" Gerard screamed and his vision blurs. 

He was still very malnourished and he knew he needed to calm down, but his heart was racing and his body was shutting down on him.

M looked around the room they were in. He ignored Gerard's outburst, seeing that he was nearly passing out anyway so he didn't see him as a threat.

"Find something to break the chain on this. Now." M commanded and Gerard shook his head. "Now... Or else."

"M... Please, listen to me. You're safe. We're safe. You don't have to do this. Just... Just come back to your senses. You can be happy again." Gerard said and he felt like he was talking to himself just then. 

M stuck his arms out and shook his hands, causing the chain on his wrists to jingle loudly.

"Now... Or I swear to god I'm going to fucking bash your skull in."

Gerard backed away quickly, hitting the bookshelf behind him. He looked around the room and saw that they were in a supply closet. There are tools, jackets, first aid kits. Gerard pays close attention to the tools and goes through a box until he (miraculously and conveniently) finds bolt cutters. He cuts M free after what seemed like the millionth try.

M flexes his hands with a groan and when he's finished he looks at Gerard. 

"You." M grunted, grabbing the small man by his arm aggressively. "We're getting out of here." 

Gerard cried out as he was dragged out of the room and down the hall. M has absolutely lost his mind. Why on earth would he want to leave this safe haven?! They didn't have guns, supplies and for fucks sake Gerard just wanted his husband and group.

"M! Stop! Stop it!" Gerard shrieked when the bigger man picks him up and throws him over his shoulder.

"Quit squirmin'!" M growled, quickly walking down the hall.

Gerard weakly pounded his fists against M's back. He was so dizzy and lightheaded. He felt like he was going to pass out.

"Here." M said, pushing another door to a dark room open. "Weapons are in here." 

He grabbed a gym bag and started to fill it up with weapons and ammo. He had set Gerard on the ground when he found duck tape he secured Gerard's wrists together. Gerard didn't even bother to put up a fight.

* * *

"And there was no one guarding the fucking exit?!" Jon screamed, looking over the security camera footage a man named Henry showed him. 

M had Gerard bound, thrown over his shoulder. On his arm was a large duffle bag. He exited through the back and it was so fucking easy he could have done it ten more times if he wanted.

"There are 6 exits and entrances!" Henry shouted. "Everyone was running around the west wing because that's where you said you saw M take him! How was I supposed to know he knew the place so well?!"

Jon sighed and shook his head frantically. "Where the fuck is he taking my husband? Does anyone have any fucking idea?!"

Frank and Bert were standing by, scratching their heads with dejected expressions on their faces. 

"I think I know." Richard said, slowly entering the security room. "... When we found him he mentioned being an errand boy for Raiders North from here. Maybe he's going there. I know where their camp is. I can mark down directions and sketch a map... I have to warn you though. It's three days on foot. If you move now you'll have a better chance at catching up."

Jon jumped up and rushed to the door. "Mark it quickly. I'm going to pack up." He said and fled from the room.

Bert and Frank followed behind him.

"This isn't M." Bert shouted after Jon. "He's not right in the head. He'll kill—he'll hurt Gerard if he knows we're following."

"Don't you think I know that!?" Jon screamed, quickly entering the room he's been staying in. "I just..." He trailed off as Frank reached out and touched his arm.

"We'll get him back, ok? We'll get the directions from Richard. We'll ask for more gear and a few more men and we'll get Gerard back. He won't die." Frank said, consoling the older man.

"This wasn't supposed to happen." Jon whispered, trembling. "He's... He's sick. I can see it in his eyes."

"We know. M's not M." Bert whispered back and Jon shook his head.

"Not M... G."

* * *

M had managed to find a car for shelter. He threw Gerard in first and then scouted the area for zombies. When he managed to kill four roaming around he went back to the car and hopped in.

"... Strange how quiet it is." M said, reclining in the front seat.

Gerard was laid out in the back, rolled onto his side; his back facing the front. He's weak. He's hungry. He's losing consciousness.

"Don't worry. When we get to my base you'll be taken care of. Maybe you'll get fed. Maybe you'll have a bed... And maybe you'll find that husband you've been whining about." M rambled, going through his duffle bag. 

He pulled out an apple and started on it with his blade, peeling it.

"J-Jon..." Gerard whimpered, tugging weakly on his restraints. 

M looked back at him with his brow raised. "What was that?"

Gerard shifted, rubbing his arms together.

"Hmm..." M groaned; his eyes skimming Gerard's body and then the top of his head. "I feel kind of sorry for you. You look pathetic. Skin and bones. Long hair. Pale as snow... I know someone back at base who'll love you. Maybe keep you. You're lucky." 

Gerard whimpered again, still trying to break free. It was futile. 

"... You're pretty. Gerard was pretty, too. I'd thought about it sometimes... I'd hear what he and Jon got up to. I would be lying if I said I never imagined what it would feel like... To fuck a man. They brought out the curiosity in me—and now... Half a year going without fucking someone... I would kill to feel that again." 

M sighed deeply and set the apple down on the driver's seat along with his blade. He reached into his pants and groaned. 

"... Fuck..." He whispered huskily, stroking himself slowly.

It had started to rain and the sound of the the water hitting the windows drowned out M's moans. Gerard cried. He started to cry and M started to get louder. 

M crawled to the back of the car, positioning himself behind Gerard's body. He lowered his own pants below his thighs and went to yank Gerard's underwear down his legs quickly. He had still been in the hospital gown so it made things easier for him. 

"D-Don't." Gerard weeped; his voice trembling. "M. Please don't. I won't—I won't." 

Gerard's cries become louder, louder than the sound of the rain hitting the windshield. 

"Shhh... It's okay." M cooed, caressing Gerard's hair back and then pulled away to spit into the palm of his hand.

He slicked himself up and then pushed through Gerard's tense body. He didn't fight, but his body tried to reject M. He was in pain and his cries became sobs. 

M started to move in and out and Gerard squeezed his eyes shut tightly as he begged for it to stop. 

"A-Amber... Oh fuck, Amber." M gasped; his thrusts suddenly becoming faster and deeper.

Gerard screamed, tensing up as he heard the girl's name slip from M's lips. 

"Shh..." M hissed quickly as pressed his hand flat against Gerard's mouth to silence him. 

Gerard screamed behind M's rough hand, sobs wracking through his body and tears pouring uncontrollably from his closed eyes.

"Amber... Oh, Amber. I'm gonna cum." M groaned.

He went harder and faster and Gerard couldn't stop shaking and screaming and crying. M came and then silence washed over him. It happened and he felt M's seed spill into him. He laid there limply as M pulled out and climbed off of him, panting and sitting up.

"We're leaving once the rain stops." He said, tucking himself back into his pants. "Sleep and I'll wake you up when it's time to go." 

M patted the back of Gerard's blood stained thigh. He pulled back once he realized there was blood there and observed his hand. He merely wiped it on the back of Gerard's gown and climbed back into the front seat to recover.

"Don't worry..." M said, trying to catch his breath. 

He looked out through the windshield, watching the lighting illuminate the now dark sky.

"Everything's going to be okay."

Gerard remained silent; his arms bound behind his back and his face stained with tears and sweat. He felt himself slipping. His vision was bleary and then black. He could only hear the rain and then nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuckkkkkkkk I'm SORRY


	19. On The Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt like he was never going to see them again... And he probably wouldn't. That realization hurt worse than the rapes and the starving and the nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again guys lol enjoy! Xoxo

**6 Years ago**

"I really like the layout... But Four bedrooms? Do we really need four?" Gerard asked, standing in the empty master bedroom, holding his husband's hand. In his other hand was a pamphlet from the realtor.

"It's a steal. Sure, it's bigger than we need, but it's convenient. We won't have to move if we ever change our minds about having children." Jon whispered, caressing the back of Gerard's hand with his thumb in gentle circles.

They asked their realtor for a moment alone, but Jon knew the way they were. They would be eavesdropping. He was trying for his license so he knew. He was the type as well... Believe it or not.

Gerard gave him a funny, lopsided look and sighed, letting go of Jon's hand to rake his fingers through his hair. He sighed, wetting his lips with his tongue one too many times.

"... I really, _reallllly_ love the floor plan. And that spare bedroom at the end of the hall is perfect for an art room. The windows are so big. The lighting must be amazing." Gerard said, grinning.

The realtor—Alex was his name—poked his head in.

"Oh, the lighting is superb." He drawled out with a smirk on his freckled face.

Gerard and Jon looked at each other and laughed.

"We'll take it." Jon said, sticking his hand out to Alex to seal the deal with a hand shake (and of course actual papers right after).

__

* * *

A bright light hit the side of Gerard's face as he started to open his eyes. He groaned, shifting slightly.

"You're up." M's voice came like a thunderclap and Gerard winced, crying out in pain.

"Hey, try not to strain yourself. Here. Let me help you." M said quietly and gently started to lift Gerard up in the back seat of the car. "I bet you're wondering why we're still here... I decided not to wake you and the rain didn't stop for another few hours so I said: fuck it."

Gerard cringed when he was sitting up-right now. His entire bottom half felt like it was demolished. He didn't want to sit. He didn't want to feel what M had done to him only hours earlier.

"It's nice and sunny right now. We should be able to make some progress today. Here. Have some water." M said, tipping the top of the water bottle against Gerard's lips.

Gerard almost rejected the gesture, but when the water touched his tongue he involuntarily started to drink in gulps. It almost hurt his head and his throat closed up until he started to splutter. M pulled the bottle back and chuckled. 

"See? You have to let me help you." 

Gerard would laugh a snide laugh if he wasn't choking and in pain.

"There. You're good. Here... Let me..." He trailed off and grabbed the pair of underwear off the floor of the car. 

He managed to slip one of Gerard's legs in without any trouble, but when he got to the other leg...

"No!" Gerard cried, lifting his leg until his knee smashed against M's cheek.

M screamed and instinctively jumped up, smashing Gerard's thighs together so that he could yank his underwear on him forcefully. 

"Stay still! Calm down! I'm putting them on you! RELAX! You'll alert the fucking horde you fuckin—" M paused, listening to the sound of zombies groaning and moaning.

Gerard instantly stilled; his body trembling despite how quickly he seemed to have calmed down. M was suddenly on top of him with his hand flat on his mouth. 

"Shh..." M hissed, spit hitting Gerard's face.

The small horde dragged passed the car and M moved his hand away from Gerard's red, wet mouth.

"We're leaving. Now."

* * *

"There's no way they could have gotten far." Bert said, lugging his gear. "It was raining all night."

Frank couldn't agree more, but there was no way to tell. M could have kept going despite the weather last night, but even in his state of mind—with his brain damage—he wouldn't roam in the rain in the dead of night. That was suicide.

"That guy's a lunatic, man..." Jared said, shaking his head. "Apparently he's a Raider in training... Like an initiate or something." 

Jon wanted to punch a hole through everyones face. He wanted them to shut the fuck up and stop talking. They've been going on and on and fucking on for the past 4 hours. He couldn't take it. It was enough that they wouldn't let him leave the base last night while his poor, sick, defenseless husband was being held hostage by their former group member who happens to be dangerous and supposedly has dementia! Or whatever it was he had if it wasn't dementia. But M's head isn't right and that's all Jon knows and all he cares to know to make him want to search that much more. He just wants his husband. He wants Gerard.

Frank sighed. "... And how is that making us feel any better?" He asked and Jared glared at him.

"Sorry." He whispered in Jon's direction. "But it's true. I don't want to be the cynical asshole here, but your husband is probably going to die and if he doesn't die on their trip M is going to hand him over to the Raiders as a token—his way to get in—and they're going to mutilate him and he's going to wish he was dead if they don't do him the honors of putting him out of his misery. Which I highly doubt—"

Frank grabbed Jared's arm and squeezed. "Dude! SHUT THE FUCK UP! We didn't bring you to talk our ears off with negativity! Gerard isn't going to die and he isn't going to be handed over to Raiders!"

Jon's glad Frank said something, because if he hadn't he's sure he would have told the guy to shut up himself... And it wouldn't be civilized like Frank's method. Jared yanked his arm free and looked to the ground as he kept walking. 

Just as Jon was going to say something the sound of a zombie growling echoed through the rural backstreets. Bert sighed, pulling his blade from its strap and marched over to the dead woman snapping at the wind wishing past her. Bert whistled to catch her attention and her head snapped in his direction.

"C'mere girl... Come and get me." Bert said, getting into position to attack.

Everyone watched and Frank started to look around to make sure the coast was clear. With one, swift strike Bert impales the zombie's skull with his blade then quickly retracts. She collapses on the ground in front of them. Dead for good.

"Thanks Bert." Jon said, starting down the road again with the rest of the guys following closely behind him.

"When we find them... What are you going to do to M?" Frank asked Jon, catching up to him.

Jon had a look in his eyes... There was some determination and some uncertainty. That scared Frank a little bit... Everything was just so beyond them that they couldn't talk about the future like it was some guessing-game. This was serious. Gerard was kidnapped by M and he was being taken to a Raider camp. 

" _If_..." Jon whispered with deep sadness in his voice. " _If_ we find them I'm going to kill M and I'm going to hold Gerard and never let go."

Frank's heart dropped.

 _If_...

* * *

They had been on the move for hours now and Gerard couldn't take it anymore. The further they got the more he lost it. 

"Stop! Stop moving!" M screamed, holding the squirming man on his arm as he crossed the grimy, desolate road. M rushed into the woods, throwing Gerard down on the ground on a pile of muddy leaves. He gasped once he hit the ground and recoiled into himself.

M looked up at the tree in front of them and saw that it had been an apple tree. He sighed in relief and jumped on it, grabbing a branch. He pulled his blade out with his other hand and started to stab into the tree to get better leverage on it. 

Gerard was still on the ground, the side of his face in a pile of disgusting mud , and whatever else, covered leaves. He remained on his side, moaning in pain... And that's when he heard it. Not M's groans as he climbed the tree and not his own whining as he whimpered in pain. He heard the sound of a zombie snarling, growling. It became closer and closer and there was nothing Gerard could do as it stepped next to him, waving it's arms up in the air.

M looked down at the sound of the zombie hissing and arched his brow in confusion. It had totally ignored the man on the ground next to it and tried to go straight for him instead. M stuffed as many apples as he could into his duffle bag and jumped down the tree, kicking the zombie square in the chest. It flew, laying next to Gerard's trembling frame and M stepped around them, pulling his blade back and then shoving it into the back of the zombie's skull.

Gerard closed his eyes when the zombie looked at him just before it met its second and final demise. He cried out, sobbing quietly as M hoisted him up and threw him over his shoulder without a word. 

They were on their way again.

* * *

**5 years ago**

"Listen to me... What are you going to do? What do you wanna do with your life?" Jon asked.

They were in the car, at a red light. Gerard had been going on about not having a life and how miserable he was. He was depressed... He was tired. He was lacking passion and motivation and sometimes the will to live. A fucking funk.

Jon wanted to kick him (metaphorically). He wanted to give him that push, but he didn't know how to do it properly. 

Gerard sighed, looking out the window. "I want to paint. I want to write."

"Then do it, G. Just fucking do it!" Jon exclaimed as he made a sharp turn into their neighborhood.

"I don't know where to start! Stop yelling at me! You know it's not that simple!" Gerard exclaimed. He could feel the tears welling up.

Jon took a deep breath.

"Okay, so what? You're just going to be my maid... My cook... And suck my dick every day?" Jon said harshly and glared at him. "Do whatever it is you want to do. You can't keep on like this. I can tell it's killing you."

They were in front of the house now. Not making an effort to get out of the now off and parked car.

"I'm scared." Gerard whispered, looking down. "I'm afraid of failing and I'm afraid of rejection. I'm no good, Jon. I know I'm no good."

Jon sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. "You fail when you think that way. Gerard, you're smart... You're so talented and you're beyond beautiful. You have so much to look forward to. I believe in you, baby."

Gerard sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and laughed weakly. "... I wish I could see that."

Jon grabbed Gerard's hands and pressed them to his lips. "You will. I love you."

Gerard smiled and leaned forward to peck his husband softly on the lips. "I love you too." he whispered back.

* * *

"Another day... Another dead end." Jared said to Bert.

"We're close. I can feel it." Frank interjected and Bert glared at him with exhaustion written all over his face.

Jon was ahead, still going strong. He hasn't spoken a word in five hours and Frank was worried about this search party. It was dead and there was 0 hope left, it felt. They needed to remain positive or no one was going to make it back in one piece. 

"Can we stop for a minute?" Jared whined. "We need to eat. I'm hungry." 

Bert and Frank stopped, but Jon went ahead.

"Jon!" Bert shouted after him, but the older man kept going.

"JON!" Frank shouted as well and the older man made no attempt to stop or listen.

Bert sighed and quickly went after him. "Jon." He said, reaching out to grab his arm. "We need to stop for a minute. You need to eat something or you're going to get sick."

Jon's glazed eyes were forward still and his face was covered in sweat. Everything was covered in sweat. He was totally soaked.

"Dude, what are you doing? If we're going to find Gerard you have to get ahold of yourself. Stay strong, okay? Stay strong for him. He's going to need you when you find him." Bert said, reaching into his bag for a bag of baked chips and a juice box. "Here."

Jon closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Save it. I'm not hungry." Jon said; his voice rough. "You can walk and eat. I'm not stopping until I find my husband. If you stop I'll keep going." 

Bert looked back at Frank and Jared. They were both red faced and disheveled.

"Fine. We'll keep going. But eat." He said, shoving the bag of chips into the sling Jon got from Richard.

Frank looked at the men ahead and sighed. He hoped they would find Gerard soon. He just couldn't believe this was happening in the first place. They could never catch a break. Frank had a feeling something bad was going to happen... Something worse than what they were going through right now. If that were possible.

Frank looked up at the sky and noticed the sun was setting. He sighed, shaking his head. They needed to get off the road soon or else they were going to be swarmed. 

"Guys, we need to find a car." Frank said and Jared co-signed quickly.

"Finally someone is starting to speak some sense!" Jared wailed, munching on a his pack of cookies. 

Frank rolled his eyes. 

"Yeah, you're right. Jon we have to stop." Bert said, grabbing the older man by his shoulder. "We'll keep looking for Gerard as soon as the sun starts to come up." 

Jon stopped dead in his tracks. He looked up at the sky, squinting at the sunset—analyzing it. 

"We'll stop in an hour." He said calmly, starting to walk again.

Bert looked back at Frank Jared, shrugging his shoulders. An hour wasn't too bad. He wouldn't be able to convince Jon either way so they kept going.

Frank glanced at Jared and Jared glanced ahead at the back of Jon's head.

"He's going to get us killed." He muttered, tossing his empty bag on the ground.

Frank sighed. It was true, but it was worth it... For Gerard. He wondered right then and there if the man was okay. He hoped he was.

* * *

M pulled out of the sobbing, trembling man beneath him. He wiped his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand as he tried to catch his breath. Gerard's legs were spread open and M was in between his thighs; his jeans bunched down his hips. They were in the back seat of some dirty, old van. There wasn't any seats so the whole thing was opened up. 

"Fuck." M groaned, holding his softening cock in his hand. 

There was blood all along his shaft and he wiped it on the front of Gerard's bunched up gown. The thing was filthy now. Gerard was covered in blood and piss and shit. M wanted to take the gown off of him, but then he would just be naked. His underwear had been discarded at some point before M took him again. M can't even remember where he had tossed the bloody (literally) thing. 

"Shhhh..." M hissed, smacking the side of the hysterical man's head. 

Gerard sucked his bottom lip into his mouth as he laid there, on his back, with his bound arms above his head. He was emitting these uncontrollable whimpers and M kept glaring at him with this stern look on his face.

"Here." M groaned, grabbing the duffle bag he had thrown in the corner of the van.

He pulled out a bottle of water and pressed the tip against Gerard's chapped lips.

"Your lips are cracked and bleeding. You're dehydrated. You need to drink." He said as Gerard gulped down half the bottle without stopping.

He pulled it away and Gerard panted, taking in deep breaths. 

M shimmied back again and pulled his jeans up around his waist. Gerard closed his legs quickly, wincing in pain. 

"We'll be getting there tomorrow by sunset." M said, pulling out another canteen of water. 

This time he poured some over his head and then Gerard's. Gerard flinched, closing his eyes tightly. 

"You're filthy." M said quietly, pouring some water on the front of Gerard's gown and then his legs and thighs. 

Murky, blood stained water washed down the van floor and M watched as Gerard started to shiver. There was nothing he could dry him off with so took his shirt off and wiped it down Gerard's face and then his body. He patted until the water wasn't dripping on him and then splayed the wet shirt across the van floor so it could dry.

"It h-hurts." Gerard choked out, whimpering in pain as he lowered his bound hands to his chest. 

M looked at him, raising his brows. "Yeah, I know. When we get to camp they'll treat you. It's gonna be okay." He lied. 

Gerard cried out, turning to his side. His body screamed at him and his ass felt like it had been split in half. M was too rough and he didn't use anything to make it less painful. He had just kept going and going... Harder and faster. Gerard squeezed his eyes shut tightly and cried. He wanted to be with Jon. He wanted to be with Frank and Bert and the rest of the group. He missed the kids and he even missed Sally.

He felt like he was never going to see them again... And he probably wouldn't. That realization hurt worse than the rapes and the starving and the nightmares. If he could never see them again he hoped he would die. He couldn't live on without those people and he knew most of them felt the same way about him. He couldn't bear it any longer. He couldn't stand to be separated from his husband when he had just gotten him back. 

Why was this happening to him?

Just as Gerard had started to calm down and doze off, he heard a sound outside the van that sounded like people—actual live people and he froze. 

M glared at him and he froze too.

"Around 'ere somewhere... He had a big Ol' bag and some half naked girl on his arm." A man with a heavy southern accent spewed to the other men around him.

Gerard's body started to quake again. He couldn't control himself and M grabbed him by his leg and squeezed tightly to calm him down.

"They might've gone down the road. They couldn't have gone far. Check the cars." This man sounded stern. He was the leader.

The men separated and Gerard tried his best to lie still. He could hardly breathe. He felt like he was going to pass out from shock.

"There's a van right here." A new voice said. He sounded young. 17 or 18. 

M gnawed down on his bottom lip and reached for his gun. Gerard's eyes rolled into the back of his head as he started to feel himself slip. He could hardly breathe and his entire body was completely numb. 

"Open it up." The leader said.

M swallowed the lump in his throat, aiming his gun out in front of him. He went to pull the trigger as the door started to open, but instead he lowered his gun when he saw the faces. There were too many of them. He would be an idiot to try to fight them so he tossed his gun aside, by Gerard's head, and raised his arms in the air in defeat.

"Don't shoot." He said loudly.

The men dressed in gear had their guns aimed in front of them and some of their eyes went to Gerard's unconscious body. 

"Please, help us. We're trying to get back home." He lied.

The men were wearing military uniform. They had rifles and AK-47's. Some of them even had helmets on and bullet proof vests. They were the real deal. M had no idea that there were still soldiers that were alive... But they could have found the uniforms. It was smart.

"I'm Lieutenant Reid. Are you a Raider?" He asked, pointing his pistol at M's head.

M shook his head. "No. No I am not. My name is Matt."

Lieutenant Reid looked down at Gerard's corpse like figure and nudged his chin at him. 

"What's her name?" He asked.

There was no way for him to see that Gerard was male. His gown was covering his groin and his long dark hair was wet, splayed across his face covering most of his prominent features. 

"Her?" M asked, looking down at Gerard. "He's a man." He said quickly and everyone around glared down at Gerard in confusion.

"Is he?" Reid asked, stepping forward to push the gown up with his gun. "Oh." He said, finding his answer. He pulled his gun away quickly.

M looked around, shifting on his knees; his arms were still up in the air.

"Don't know his name?" Reid asked.

"It's Gerard. He's my... Uh, boyfriend." M lied, averting his gaze to Gerard's now slightly shifting body. "He's sick. He needs a doctor."

Reid looked down at Gerard saw that his wrists were bound.

"Why did you tie up your own _boyfriend_?" He asked sternly. He wasn't buying any of this BS. 

M sighed. "I know it looks bad, but he was hurting himself so I tied him up to stop him." He said as Reid's eyes explored Gerard's frail and slightly effeminate frame. 

"What's up with the hospital gown? He's covered in blood. Has he been bitten?" Reid continued to question. Something wasn't right about this.

"The last place we were at... Well, we were taken from our home. The people who took us kept us locked up in a room and they were mistreating us and Gerard... One of the guys who were suppose to be keeping watch decided to take advantage of him. It broke him." M allowed his voice to waver. 

Reid licked his teeth and then spat on the ground. "Ya don't say... How long ago was that? Looks pretty fresh—the blood, I mean. He's got some gnarly bruises all along his thighs, arms and throat. Looks like something you would see on a murder scene."

M swallowed visibly. "Y-yeah... We escaped three days ago." 

"Three days ago ya say? Wallace, why don't you come over here and check this out? You used to be a doctor too, right?" Reid said, turning to look at the blonde man he was talking to.

Wallace stepped forward and went to Gerard's side. He hopped into the van and gently flipped the unconscious man on his chest. He flipped the gown up to inspect him.

"Fuckin' 'ell..." Wallace whistled, flashing his mini flashlight at the damage. "Anal fissures. Pretty bad by the looks of it. He's still bleeding too. Whoever did this to him really went for it... Damn." He lowered Gerard's gown slowly and glanced at M knowlingy in disgust.

Reid looked at M too and then quickly back at Gerard.

"The man who did this to him... Must've been a big boy, yeah?" Reid said darkly and M clenched his jaw at him. "We'll get him some decent medical attention... And you, I don't trust you, but I'm willing to. If you say or do anything that's a least but suspicious... I won't hesitate to put you down, got it?" 

"Yes sir." M said, starting to lower his arms. 

"Good. Alan, grab... Gerard, was it?" He said, looking at M.

M nodded.

"Right. Grab Gerard. Let's get the fuck out of here."

* * *

**4 years ago**

"Mikey!" Gerard shouted, throwing his arms around his brother's narrow shoulders. "Fuck! I missed you so much! How was New York?"

Mikey groaned, slapping Gerard's back gently.

"It was good. Ashley dragged me around the entire state. I'm so exhausted." He said tiredly and Gerard let go of him. 

"Yeah I bet. Want a coffee?" He asked. He had no idea why he even bothered to ask. MikeyWay never turned down coffee.

Mikey smirked at him and nodded.

"Of course."

Gerard chuckled under his breath and went to the kitchen to start the coffee machine up.

"So... That conversation we had on the phone. You sounded kind of urgent. What did you want to talk to me about?" Mikey asked as he took a seat at the dining table.

Gerard sighed, waiting for the coffee to be made. He kept his back to his brother as he stood there, looking down at the clean granite countertop.

"I... I'm thinking about filing for a divorce." He said quietly, blinking back tears.

Mikey gasped. "What, why? What did he do?" 

Gerard shook his head and took a deep breath. He turned to face Mikey.

"I... I've been thinking and I know what you're going to say, but hear me out." Gerard started and once Mikey nodded for him to continue he did. "I think I may have jumped into this without really giving it much thought. I love Jon. I really do, but sometimes... Sometimes I just think he and I aren't right for each other." 

Mikey folded his hands on top of the dining table and sighed. 

"Have you and Jon talked about this?"

Gerard shook his head no.

"He loves you a lot, G. I think you're probably over thinking this. You love Jon. You two are happy together. You've gotten everything you've ever wanted. You've got your husband, your house, your art and your job. You have it made. Don't throw that away because of something that's not even clear to you." Mikey said, standing up to pull his brother into a hug.

Gerard crumbled. He leaned onto Mikey and cried against his shoulder.

"I've been talking to another man." Gerard admitted and Mikey tensed up against him. "I... I haven't done anything. I just talk to him and... And I was planning on meeting him in a few days—on Friday. I told John I had to go somewhere for work. I'm so fucking stupid. I almost ruined this. I almost—"

"But you didn't. And you won't." Mikey interjected and Gerard nodded against him. "It's okay, G... Just cut ties with that other man and you won't ever have to bring this up again." Mikey advised and Gerard nodded again, harder this time.

"Ok." He whispered. "Ok. I won't... Thank you so much Mikey. I don't know what I would do without you."

Mikey laughed, breaking the hug to look down into Gerard's eyes. "You'd probably be on the run." 

Gerard rolled his eyes and just as he was about to say something the coffee machine beeped at him, indicating that the coffee was now ready.

"Coffee?" He asked teasingly and Mikey nodded and kissed his cheek.

"Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *groans* lol


	20. New Found Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're looking for someone. A man...he's about this tall." He lifted his hand an inch above his shoulder. "He has long, dark hair and hazel eyes. He's my husband and someone took him away from me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to re write the ending to this chapter, like, 3 times *deep sigh* I hope it's okay! Enjoy xoxo

Gerard opened his eyes and was greeted with a spinning ceiling. He felt nauseous and out of breath. Leaning over, he started to gag, gasping for air and choking on bile.

"Yo, yo, yo!" A young voice screeched excitedly. "He's awake! The guy is awake!" 

The first thing that comes to Gerard's mind is "Raiders". He panics and rolls off the bed he's on. He hits the floor and he swears his entire body literally breaks into millions of pieces. He's glad he's dressed in sweat pants and a too big sweatshirt.

"Dude! Dudeeee!" The young voice exclaimed and suddenly Gerard feels hands on his body, lifting him off the ground.

"Don't drop him!" Another voice chimed in. It was an older woman.

Gerard couldn't even scream. His throat was too raw and he felt way too weak. He merely squirmed as he whimpered weakly as he was settled back onto the hard mattress.

"Dang, calm down. We're the good guys. Relax or you'll fuck up your stitches."

Gerard looked up at the boy and cried out in pain. Then suddenly, he looked into the boy's deep brown eyes and he felt safe. He hadn't felt that in a very long time.

"Language, Tommy... Your name's Gerard, yeah?" The woman asked and Gerard adverted his attention to her.

"H-H-How...?" He wheezed out.

"Your boyfriend told us. He's been trying to get in here all evening. He said you were, uh... How did he put it Tommy?" She turned to the young boy who seemed to be preoccupied with gently picking twigs out of Gerard's wild hair.

"Oh." He stopped and shrugged. "Delirious...? I think. It was a big word like that."

Gerard furrowed his brows and groaned as he tried to sit up in the bed. Boyfriend? He hadn't heard that term in a very long time. He didn't have a fucking boyfriend. He was married. He had a husband—Jon.

"B-Boyfriend?" He stuttered out. 

The boy and the woman glared at one another with confused looks on their faces.

"That's what he said. He's a big guy. I'm not sure I got his name." The woman said as if she were deep in thought.

Gerard licked his chapped lips and rubbed at his aching wrists. 

"I d-don't... N-N-No b-boyfriend." He managed to stammer out.

Tommy looked at the woman.

"Uh..." He trailed off and scratched the back of his head. "He said you were his boyfriend."

Gerard shook his head and groaned.

Tommy grabbed the woman's arm and leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"...The guy said he was delusional, right?"

She nodded and then leaned over and touched Gerard's forehead. He flinched.

"You're burning hot. You should rest. Tommy, keep an eye on Gerard. I'll be right back." She said in hurry as she rushed out of the room.

Running down the hall, she quickly entered a room and called out into the silence.

"Reid." She said and the man peeked from behind the wall. "Gerard's awake. I think Matt was right. He doesn't seem to remember much. He just told Tommy and I that he doesn't have a boyfriend."

Reid gave her a quizzical look. "Or..." He started, lifting his finger in the air. "Matt is lying. You saw the condition that man was in... Rebecca, his asshole looked like—"

"Okay!" She shouted, sticking her hands to her ears. "Okay... I get it. But still, Andrew. He just doesn't seem all there. I mean, I'm surprised he's even alive." 

Reid sighed, rubbing his face roughly.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Grab that Matt guy and take him to Gerard. Let him see his _boyfriend_. If that really is his boyfriend." Reid said, grabbing his hat off the table in front of him and plopped it back down on his head.

Rebecca nodded and left the room. She went back to where she had left Tommy with Gerard and entered, seeing the two converse with one another... Well, try to converse. Gerard's voice was still raspy and almost incoherent. He mainly attempted to use his shaky hands.

"Hey! Becca, could you get him some water?" Tommy asked, leaning over to playfully punch the woman on her leg.

She nodded with a smile on her face. Gerard looked distant. His eyes were heavy and slightly rolling around, but she knows it's the morphine doing its job. The way Gerard talked with hands, lifting them weakly to wave them up and down or side to side, answering Tommy's silly questions. It was interesting, because despite his condition he seemed glad to talk to someone.

"How old are you?" Tommy asked.

Gerard closed his eyes and breathed heavily from his mouth. He lifted two fingers and then nine right after. His arms felt like twigs and his hands felt like rocks in comparison. 

"29... Wow, you're old huh? Becca, he's your age! He doesn't look it does he? He looks younger than me." Tommy bounced jubilantly on his seat.

"Oh, no he doesn't." Rebecca chuckled, reaching for the pitcher of water. "But you're right. He doesn't look his age at all."

She poured it into a paper cup and then passes it to Tommy who slowly leaned over and pressed it to Gerard's parted lips. Rebecca smiled as she watched the 15 year old boy help the man on the bed drink some water.

"There ya go." Tommy said, pulling the now empty cup away. "Try talking."

Gerard opened his mouth, panting slightly. He licked his lips. 

"I-I..." He cleared his throat to try again. "Can't."

Tommy frowned and looked back at Rebecca sadly. "Maybe tomorrow?"

Rebecca nodded. "Let him rest now. Matt is coming to see him now. They'll want alone time."

When the name Matt leaves her mouth she noticed Gerard's eyes widened. He didn't look too affected by it though, but that could be the drugs talking. 

"He'll be here any minute now. C'mon, let's go." She said, sticking her hand out for Tommy to take.

He clicked his tongue noisily against his teeth and rolled his eyes.

"Fine." He groaned in annoyance and took Rebecca's hand. 

Before they exited the room, Rebecca glanced at her patient. His eyes were closed and his body was limply pressed against the corner of the wall with his head lowered to the side slightly. 

He looked familiar to her then. He looked like those things outside... He looked like a zombie.

* * *

M stormed into the room and saw Gerard on the bed. Quickly, he rushed to him and grabbed him by his bruised littered arm.

"Get up. Get the fuck up. We're leaving." M growled and Gerard jolted awake, crying out in pain and fear.

He fought against M instantly. He weakly pushed at his chest and looked up at him in shock.

"N-No!" He rasped. "No!"

His screams were hardly screams. His throat felt raw and it hurt to swallow. 

"I swear to god if you don't calm the fuck down I'm going to kill you with my bare hands. Get. Up." M muttered, with his lips pressed hotly against the long haired man's ear.

Gerard's body started to shake. He nodded hard and started to cry. He tried to sit up and as M watched him he lost his patience and yanked him by his arm until he was out of the bed. His knees smashed to the ground and M picked him up by his waist and threw him over his shoulder. He didn't have time for this.

"I'll fucking kill you. I swear to god. I'll kill you. Don't fucking test me." M growled under his breath.

He hauled Gerard out of the room and to the open door. He slipped out and hurriedly walked down the dark hall. He got lucky again. No one was around and just as he entered another hall he was met up with that Reid guy standing at the end with his hands on his hips.

"What's goin’ on here?" He asked starting to touch his gun on his hip.

Gerard attempted to glance back, but M tightened his grip on him, bouncing him hard to readjust. Gerard cried out in pain. M clenched his jaw tightly and squared his shoulders the best he could while holding Gerard.

"Move. We want to leave." M growled, stepping forward.

Reid stepped forward, too, with his free hand out in front of him.

"Whoa... What's the hurry? You just got here." 

M backed up now. Gerard screamed as the man's nails dug into his bruised hip. 

"Just put him down slowly. No one has to get hurt here... Put him back. He's not yours to keep, Matt." Reid said, reaching out to touch Gerard's. "Just... Just give him here. He's in pain. You're hurting him. If you really are his boyfriend you have to let me help him."

M started to loosen his grip. He was trying to play this smart. He wouldn't be able to get out. He didn't even know where his guns are hidden. He gently started to lower Gerard against Reid. He backed away slowly, turning his back to them.

Reid pushed his hand against the back of Gerard's neck and looked into his eyes. 

"Is that man your boyfriend?" He asked him quietly.

Gerard looked fearfully into Reid's eyes and shook his head slowly. 

"H-Help m-m-me." He rasped.

Reid looked up and saw that M was gone. 

"I will. Don't worry. You can stay with me tonight. I don't trust that psycho." Reid said and helped Gerard up. "I'll carry you." 

Gerard nodded slowly and wrapped his arm gently around the man's shoulder as he was hoisted up with ease. He weakly held onto Reid and groaned with each step he took. Reid was bigger than him and stronger too. He felt safe. He just hoped he wasn't putting this kind man in any danger.

Reid carried him to the other side of the building and when they reached Reid's room he pushed the door open and carried Gerard inside. He set the fragile man down on his bed and then quickly went to shut the door behind him.

"You can sleep there. I'll make a bed on the floor for myself."

Gerard went to protest, but the older man started to gather a few blankets and tossed them on the ground. 

"Trust me. I've slept on worse." Reid said as if he had read Gerard's mind.

Gerard laid down, resting his head on a very soft pillow.

Reid sat down next to him for a moment and watched him. Gerard watched him right back and slowly blinked his eyes as sleep started to take over him.

"... That man... He took you away from your people? He... He raped you and beat you. He's gonna pay. Don't worry." Reid whispered, reaching out to pet Gerard's hair gently. "He's not gonna get ya." 

Gerard's eyes fell shut and his body started to feel light and lifeless. He fell asleep as Reid pet him. He reminded him of Jon... He felt safe.

* * *

Frank sat next to Jon on the side of a desolate road. Bert and Jared were in some conservation spot, looking through for clues. There had to be something around this area, because there was literally no where more for them to search. Jon looked defeated, but you could still the sense some determination. Jon wanted his husband back... Fuck, they all wanted Gerard back. This whole thing was fucked and so far Frank could tell everyone was slowly slipping past the mourning stage for the missing man. 

Reality did that to a person. It made things harder and then it quickly made things easier because you get used to it. It's fucked up, but it's true.

Frank sighed. He could hear Bert and Jared scurrying along the mess of leaves on the ground. That meant it was autumn. Outside was brisk and dry and for some reason, Frank wasn't impacted by the change of weather. It got borderline freezing at night, but no one cared or complained. They've been through worse.

"Nothing here. Let's go." Bert said loud and clear. 

Jared said something that sounded like agreement and Frank jumped up from his spot on the ground as the two men emerged from the woods. Bert frowned, shaking his head in Jon's direction.

"Just a dead zombie. There was an apple tree though. Grabbed a few." Bert said quietly and Jon got up from the ground with a grunt.

"Okay. Let's keep going. There might be civilization further down this road." Jon said, hoisting his bag over his shoulder.

Bert nodded and looked at Frank.

"You ready?"

Frank nodded.

They went on their way. One mile turns to two and then three. Everyone is walking slowly, slightly limping. Jon suddenly stops.

"What's up?" Frank asked the older man.

The look on his face was pure shock... Realization even. Frank blinked hard. What was he looking at? Bert and Jared look off to where Jon was staring. They see what caught his attention.

"J...?" Bert asked, stepping closer to their find.

Jon crouched and reached out for it. He picked it up off the ground gently with the tip of his fingers. It's a pair of bloody underwear... Gerard's underwear. 

Jon clenched his jaw tightly as his eyes began to water. His breathing picked up and Frank inched closer to him and rubbed at his back soothingly. 

"I'm gonna fucking kill him." Jon sobbed miserably and Bert took a deep breath. "I'm gonna rip his fucking throat out... I'm gonna—I'm gonna—" Jon choked and squeezed his eyes shut tightly as he held the pair of bloody underwear against his chest.

Frank couldn't help it. He couldn't stop the tears from escaping his eyes. Looking at Jon just then, he saw everything the man could be imagining right now. Gerard's screams, his face etched in pain and terror. Blood every where as he begged for mercy. Was he even alive? 

"Are you happy now? You found what you were looking for." Jared said in a condescending tone. "I told you this was all just a wild goose chase. That M guy is a fucking lunatic. There was no way he wasn't going to rape and gut—"

Jon jumped up suddenly and grabbed Jared by the throat. Bert and Frank charged at him and attempted to pull him back.

"FUCK YOU! You fucking son of a bitch!" Jon then pulled his fist back and struck Jared in the face.

Once was enough because the man immediately fell unconscious with a bloody nose and two blacked out eyes. Frank stared in shock and Bert exclaimed his frustrations at Jon like he was scolding a teenager who just had his first school fight. 

Frank wanted it all to end and as he looked down at Jared's unconscious bloody face he was kind of jealous. He wanted to be off. He wanted his entire body to go out in a flash. 

Suddenly, as Bert screamed at Jon and Jon screamed back, Frank looked ahead and saw men. There had to be at least six of them. Without hesitation, Frank throws his weapon down and lifts his arms high in the air.

Bert and Jon looked at him and then ahead as well.

"Fuck me." Bert whispered, staring in shock as the men in military uniform approach them.

Bert tossed his gun too and so does Jon. 

"Hey there." A rough voice belted.

The man was holding an AK 47. He had a cap on his head and a cigarette hanging between his lips. 

"What brings you fine gentlemen out here in the middle of midday." He said as he plucked the finished cigarette from between his lips and tossed it aside.

Jon clenched his jaw and pointed his chin forward. "We're looking for someone. A man...he's about this tall." He lifted his hand an inch above his shoulder. "He has long, dark hair and hazel eyes. He's my husband and someone took him away from me."

Frank glanced at the back of Jon's head and swallowed the lump in his throat. He wasn't sure if he should have given that much information out. The group of men look intrigued, enlightened even, and the leader quirks his brow.

"Gerard?" He asked and as soon as the first syllable leaves his mouth Jon lowers his arms and nearly drops to his knees.

"Y-Yes! Gerard. Oh my god." Jon cried, pushing his hand through his hair in relief. 

Bert took a deep breath, like he's waiting to hear bad news. Frank was frozen in shock. Did a miracle just fucking happen? 

"You said you're his husband... Man, I knew I was right about that Matt guy. I could see it in his eyes. He ain't right in the head. The bastard nearly killed him. You're lucky we found him when we did." The man said and Jon's eyes widened.

"C-Can you bring us to him? I need to see him...I need to make sure he's okay with my own eyes. You have no fucking idea how much I miss him. We've been out here for days." Jon couldn't stop shaking and Frank slowly lowered his arms now.

The group of men looked around with their guns up and unmoving. 

"I don't see why not. We'll head over now. What was your name?" The man asked.

"Jon... And this is Frank and Bert... Uh, and that's Jared. We got into a fight and I knocked him out." He answered truthfully as he nervously scratched the back of his head.

The man laughed as he looked at Jared's body on the ground. 

"Nice to meet ya, I'm Reid. Now, cmon fellas, let's get going before zombies start to show up. I'd like to get back home in one piece... No offense." He said, looking at Jon's missing limb.

Jon laughed and Frank couldn't believe he actually fucking laughed. He was back. His hope was back.

"Let's move out."

And they did... With new found faith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the typos. It's about to be 3 in the morning around these parts :p I'll fix what I can ASAP! <3 thank you


	21. Welcome To Sanctum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Here we are boys. Welcome to Sanctum."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lalala dee da...
> 
> *throws update and runs away*

**Seven Hours Earlier**

"My name's Andrew Reid, but you can call me Reid...or Andrew if you like. Most people call me Reid though. I guess it's because it sounds tough, don't it?" Reid said, sitting on his bed.

Gerard glanced at him and smiled weakly as he nodded. "Reid." He croaked. 

"Right." Reid replied.

He looked at Gerard's face and noticed the bruise was fading. He frowned, taking a deep breath. This poor man must have endured so much pain and here he was, talking his ear off as if it even mattered. Did it matter?

"So... I'm going to talk to Paige, in the café, and see if she can whip you up something to eat. You must be starved." Reid said and right on time Gerard's stomach growls.

Gerard nodded, sighing dejectedly. 

"I'll be right back."

Gerard watched him leave and when Reid shut the door behind him his heart started to pick up again. Even though Reid had locked the door before he left Gerard couldn't stop his anxiety from peaking. A locked door wouldn't stop M. How the fuck could it? The man was built like a bull. 

As he waited, he looked around the older man's room and noticed a map plastered on the wall with red sharpie x'd out on some spots. Gerard squinted at it and saw a few notes pinned to the side. One, that he could read, said 'No Survivors' underlined harshly with said red marker two times. Gerard swallowed the lump in his throat. 

No survivors...

He couldn't help it. His eyes welled up with tears and his bottom lip trembled uncontrollably. He couldn't stop crying when he started. He thought about Jon, Frank and Bert. He thought about Sue and Gus. He thought about Larry and Sally. He thought of them as many of the 'No Survivors' on this god forsaken planet. He drenched Reid's pillow with snot and tears as he sobbed out pathetically.

What the fuck was he doing? Why was he letting M do this to him? He could just... He could just make it stop. He could turn M with one bite and he knew that. But why couldn't he do it? Was he just accepting this torture as punishment from everything he's pinned on himself? 

Gerard blamed himself for the deaths of the group. He felt guilty he was immune and they weren't. He couldn't fucking help them. He failed. He deserved this.

"Jon..." Gerard sobbed quietly. "Please. P-Please."

* * *

"It's for Gerard." Reid said to his close friend, Toby, as he carried a bowl of mushroom soup through the small cafeteria. 

"Gerard? That rape victim you all found on Rosewood Drive?" Toby asked in a hushed whisper so no one could over hear them. "Isn't he supposed to be under Rebecca's care?"

Reid started to walk fast and Toby followed closely behind him.

"That Matt guy is a fucking lunatic. He tried to  
Smuggle that poor guy out of here last night so I brought him to my room. I already told Rebecca." Reid said quickly as he turned down the hall, nearing his bedroom.

"Where the hell is he then? He's not roaming around our facilities is he? I mean, Reid...if he's fucking dangerous I don't want anyone to go near him and I sure as hell don't want him here." Toby panicked.

The last time the shit hit the fan they nearly lost everything. People got sick, people turned. They lost so much in just a short amount of time. He didn't want that to happen again. No one did.

Reid remained silent as he pulled his bedroom key out of his back pocket. He unlocked the door and entered, allowing Toby to come in too. Gerard was laid out on the bed with his face buried in the pillow. His body was trembling and his cries were apparent now. 

"Hey." Reid said, quickly setting the bowl on the nightstand. "Hey... Is everything okay? Why are you crying?"

Gerard flinched harshly when the older man gently gripped his shoulder to pull his face out from the pillow.

"Hey now... It's okay. It's going to be okay." Reid said as he started to rub up and down Gerard's bony back to sooth him. "I have something for you to eat. Sit up a bit, okay?"

Gerard slowly did, still crying. He pressed his back against a pillow with Reid's help. He then noticed another man in the room. He was standing there, watching them. Gerard quickly glanced at him and this terrified expression appeared on his face. Reid noticed and looked back at Toby.

"That's Toby. Don't worry about him. He's a big softy. He wouldn't even hurt a fly so we don't take him out on scouts." Reid said, snorting out a laugh.

Toby rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Outside it would be. In this case it isn't." Reid said to Toby, reaching for the bowl of mushroom soup. "I'm just going to feed you, is that okay?" He turned his attention to Gerard now. 

Gerard looked away from Toby, who was now leaving the room with a wave of his hand, and slowly nodded his head at Reid. He wasn't about to turn down this kind gesture. He needed this. He wasn't even sure if he could pick up a fucking spoon. He was still in so much pain.

Reid dipped the spoon through the thick soup and then held it up to Gerard with a steady, trained hand. Gerard apprehensively opened his mouth, feeling a little ridiculous that this man has to feed him. But he tried not to think about it. It was foolish after thinking about everything he's endured. 

He swallowed the soup and he immediately felt better from just that one bite. He visibly lightened up and sighed. Reid noticed and smiled.

"Is it good?" Reid asked, starting up the second bite.

Gerard nodded and smiled back. "Yes. Thank you." 

By the time the bowl is empty Gerard feels ten times better and his throat is less raw. He feels like he can talk more now and he's not sure if that's a good thing or not. Did he want to talk? If he could then the questions would come and he wasn't ready to talk about what he's been through. He wasn't even ready to talk about himself.

"There." Reid said, setting the empty bowl on his nightstand. "I know you look better, but how do you feel?" 

Gerard looked at him and shifted in his spot.

"Much better. Thank you Reid." 

Reid stood up suddenly and grabbed his bag off the ground.

"You're very welcome, Gerard. It's around noon so that means I have to gather my men and head out for a scout. I'll ask Rebecca if she can hang around here with you." He said urgently.

Reid grabbed his gun off the table close by and then his mug of coffee. He sipped some and then sat it on the nightstand so Gerard could have the rest.

"Or would you rather go to her? I'm sure you're getting bored just hanging out in here all day." He suggested and Gerard sighed. "Only if you want to though. I just thought you'd like to stretch your legs. You wouldn't want to become an invalid."

Gerard kicked his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. 

"Only if you want to Ger—"

"I want to." Gerard interrupted and then cleared his throat. 

Reid looked Gerard over and noticed that his legs were shaking, but the look in his eyes... There was fire in them. He believed him.

"Okay. Follow me."

* * *

Gerard walked closely behind Reid, practically tugging on his sleeve like a scared little kid as they made their way down the hall. He was afraid of seeing M and he was afraid that he would do something crazy. Reid didn't seem to mind or care that Gerard was basically holding onto him for dear life. He just kept going until they made it to the Medical wing. He opened the door and there she was, sitting at her desk as she spoke to young girl with blonde, messy hair.

"I understand you're scared, Chelsea. It's going to be okay. We have everything here to help you get through this, okay?"

"Knock, knock." Reid said as he tapped his fist against the open door.

Rebecca and this Chelsea girl turned to look at them. 

"Oh, hey Reid. Hi Gerard. How are you feeling?" She asked with a tired smile etched on her face.

Gerard cleared his throat. "I'm good." He said, shifting slightly, still holding onto the sleeve of Reid's shirt.

Reid put a gentle hand on Gerard's shoulder and walked him towards the women.

"So good, in fact, he wanted to see if he could spend the day with you. Ya know, help around a bit so he's not locked away like a prisoner." Reid said and helped Gerard sit on the bed he had been on the first day he showed up.

Rebecca grinned and looked at Gerard.

"Yeah? I sure could use all the help I could get. Tommy is normally my assistant but he's in class at around this time. I would love for you to take his place while he's gone." She said excitedly. 

Gerard smiled weakly and nodded his head.

"Wonderful." Reid said as he pulled away from Gerard. "I have to head out now. I'll pick him up when I get back."

Gerard looked around the room as Reid and Rebecca focused on one another. He felt like a child being dropped off at day care. He didn't want to be a burden to these people, but they seemed like they genuinely cared about his well being. It was refreshing.

Reid turned to Gerard and smiled at him. "I'll see you later. If you get tired just let Rebecca know, okay? She'll have someone escort you back to my room. Oh, and don't be afraid to let her know you're hungry too." He dropped his hand on the younger man's shoulder as he looked into his eyes with genuine kindness.

"Mhm." Gerard hummed and licked at his chapped lips.

"Alright. I'll see you later." Reid said and waved goodbye.

The girls said goodbye back and when he exited they adverted their attention to Gerard.

"Your hair." Chelsea said quietly; her eyes frantically exploring Gerard's effeminate appearance. "It's very long." 

That's when Gerard noticed something similar about both girls. Their hair, it was very short. Gerard's hand immediately went through his greasy, matted up hair. He frowned, feeling a little self conscious.

"Yeah, I know." Gerard said meekly. "It was shorter before all of this, but not too short." 

Rebecca tilted her head to the side to get a good look at him. "Would you like a hair cut? I'm no barber, but I'm decent." She suggested. 

"A...hair cut?" Gerard pondered, still running his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah, ya know... It's safer that way." 

Gerard nibbled on his bottom lip and sighed. He looked down and nodded.

"Okay. Sure."

Rebecca grinned and grabbed her scissors off the table. She rolled over to Gerard on her chair and got to work.

* * *

**Present Time**

"How is he doing?" Jon asked Reid as they walked side by side down the road. 

Jon couldn't stop talking about Gerard. He couldn't stop asking Reid the same questions over and over again in hopes that the man would give him more detail every time he asked.

"I'm gonna be honest with ya, he was pretty messed up when we found him. He's better now. It's only been a day and a half, but he's made some progress." Reid's demeanor changed a little bit now. He seemed protective almost. "That guy he was with... What a fucking monster."

Jon tensed and looked over to Frank with a worried expression painted on his face.

"M. He kidnapped my husband." Jon looked down.

"Yeah. It was obvious... We found them in a van on Rosewood. I don't mean to worry you but Gerard was out cold. He had these bruises all over his thighs and throat... Nasty stuff." Reid looked up at the sky as he spoke. 

Bert sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and Jon clenched his jaw.

"Do you know where he is?" Jon asked darkly.

Frank glared at him. He knew why Jon was asking. He wanted to get back at M for this. He wanted to kill him. He needed to.

"M? Nah. That bastard managed to sneak out in the middle of the night. He tried to take Gerard with him but luckily I was there to stop him." Reid said, holding his head up high with pride.

Jon smiled at him and nodded.

"Thank you..." he said, touching Reid's shoulder. "For looking after him. It really means a lot to me. I don't know what I would do without him." Jon practically choked up and Reid smiled bashfully at him.

"No problem at all. I would do it again in a heartbeat...except maybe I would beat the shit out of that M guy if I had known the full story from the beginning." Reid chuckled.

"I second that." Wallace interjected and Jon looked at him and laughed. 

They walk for another thirty to forty five minutes and Frank looks up ahead. There's a massive community center and it's completely clear beyond the gate. Frank looked at Bert and Bert looked at him. They shared the same expression.

"Wow." Jon said, stopping dead in his tracks.

His eyes were wide and his mouth was open. This was better than what he had imagined. 

"Yeah, we're pretty secure here. Plenty of food, water and supplies. We've got a medical wing, cafeteria and apartments. Gerard is with Rebecca, our doctor. He's in good hands." Reid filled them in and Jon continued to walk again.

Everyone is practically jogging and when a zombie approaches, and then another and another, they're taken down like it's a one person shooter in a video on super easy mode. 

"Charles, open up." Reid said as he pressed the button on the intercom. 

"Roger."

The secured door beeped and Reid pulled on the latch, tugging it open with the help of his men. 

"Here we are boys. Welcome to Sanctum."

* * *

Gerard looked in the mirror of the public female restroom. He looked into his eyes and then he looked at his face. He went back and forth between the two until his eyes went up to his head. His hair was gone and he felt lighter. Not lighter as in less weight. He felt lighter as in he was shedding dread. It wasn't because of this haircut. It was because of something internal...A premonition almost.

He licked his lips and blinked slowly as he took a long, deep breath. This wasn't a bad thing. This was a good thing. If he went out and happened across his group and he didn't see them they wouldn't recognize him, he kept telling himself. Would they shoot him? Would they help him? 

Was this still a good thing?

Gerard swallowed the lump in his throat and turned away from his reflection. His chest welled up and his heart thumped against his rib cage. He jetted for the toilet and fell to his knees as he started to vomit out everything he had gotten into his system.

What if weeks go by. What if months go by. What if years go by.

Gerard puked for a solid five minutes and while he was emptying his stomach someone had entered the restroom.

"Oh!" It wasn't a familiar voice. "Oh my." 

The woman got down next to Gerard and started to pat and rub his back. Gerard recoiled. His entire body tenses up and his throat contracted until he was wheezing and choking on bile. He felt like he was going to faint and a few times he did feel himself slip.

"You poor thing." The woman cooed and Gerard grumbled in pain. "Here. Let me help you help."

Gerard involuntarily leaned onto her and rested his head against her narrow shoulder. She was smaller than him. Much smaller. He felt like a corpse as this frail, young woman practically carried him off the ground as if she were his savior. 

"You're okay. It's going to be alright. Come on, stand up." Her British accent was endearing and Gerard teetered while she held him. 

"I can't." Gerard weeped. 

He opened his mouth to say something else but sobs just came tumbling out of him. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and fell to his knees. She went down with him and continued to hold him close to her.

"I can't." He repeated through spit and choked, broken sobs.

The woman said nothing. She just held him and made soothing noises as if she were trying to settle down a crying baby. Gerard felt like a child. He felt like this was someone he knew and he barely even got a look at her.

He cried and she held him. He stopped and she helped him up.

"See? That wasn't so hard, now was it?" She smiled at him as they looked into each other's hazel eyes.

Gerard sniffed hard and released a shaky breath. 

"I'm Gwen. I run the garden here. Reid told me all about you."

Gerard wanted to question that. What could Reid possibly tell her about him. And then it hit him. He's the beaten up, damaged rape victim. He's kind of glad people already know. That meant he didn't have to explain anything himself. Not that he had any explaining to do. He just didn't want to talk about it is all.

She could sense that he didn't want to speak so she kept talking.

"Do you want me to walk you back? You're in Reid's room, yes?" She asked and Gerard shook his head.

Well, he was, but not right now.

"D-Doctor's room." Gerard told her, sniffling still.

He tried to stand on his own, but it only made him cling onto her tighter.

"Okay, I've got you." She said and started to walk them back to the Medical Wing.

They stumbled back into the room and Rebecca watched as Gwen helped Gerard get onto the empty bed. 

"Whoa, what's wrong? Is everything okay?" Rebecca asked, standing up from her seat to look over Gerard.

She touched his forehead to check his temperature and he flinched involuntarily.

"He was in the girls room puking. I wanted to help bring him back in case he wasn't well enough to make it on his own. Do you have any medicine that helps with nausea?" 

Rebecca nodded and went to her medicine safe. She punched in the code and pulled out an antiemetic. She opened the package and popped open the bottle.

"Here." She held out two pills to Gwen. "I'll get him a bottle of water." 

Gwen grabbed the pills and when Rebecca gave her the water she opened it and pressed one pull against Gerard's lips. He opened his mouth and then took the bottle next and swallowed the first pill. Then followed the second.

"There. That should help." Gwen said with a smile on her face.

Gerard looked up at her and looked into her bright hazel eyes.

"Reid should be back soon." Rebecca said, cutting through the silence. "He'll be taking Gerard back to his room and he'll bring him something to eat. Unless he wants to eat now?" 

It was a question directed to Gerard and he adverted his attention to her. He shook his head and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Are you sure?" Gwen asked.

Gerard nodded and licked his lips.

"I'm sure." He croaked and Gwen smiled down at him again.

"Ok. Well, I'm gonna head out. I have a few things I have to get done before the guys get back from their scout. I'll see you two later. Get well soon, Gerard." She exited the room with a wave.

Gerard watched her leave and then he closed his eyes. His entire body felt like it was vibrating and his brain wouldn't shut off. He could feel so many hands on his body. All over his arms and legs and threat. He felt like he was being torn apart.

"Gerard." Rebecca called out and he opened his eyes quickly. "I'm gonna head out for a second. Are you going to be okay on your own?" She asked, reaching out the touch his shoulder.

He nodded and she nodded back.

"Good. I'll be back in a few minutes. If you need anything go next door. I'm sure Andy will be able to help you." She said and grabbed her keychain off the table.

Gerard nodded again and she went on her way, shutting the door behind her.

* * *

**3 1/2 years ago**

Frank scratched the side of his head as he looked out the window of his favorite café. He was nursing a coffee and listening to the live performer strum her guitar. It was a nice tune and it went well with the weather and vibe of the place. 

He came to this café every Friday and Saturday when their specials were discounted. He has had heart breaks and dates here. He even performed a few times himself. This place was like his second home.

The entrance door chimed and someone stepped through adjusting their scarf and taking their gloves off. It was a man with medium hair and sunglasses on. He didn't bother to take the shades off as he made his way to the bakery, stuffing his gloves in the pockets of his trench coat.

"Um, can I have a mint chocolate latte?" He asked the girl behind the counter.

"Yeah, sure. Would you like whip cream with that?"

"Yes, please." 

Frank looked at the back of the man's head. He still had those shades on.

"Thank you." The man said, grabbing his drink after he paid.

He stuffed the rest of the change into the tip jar and went to the empty couples seat across from Frank and sat down, cupping his drink with both hands as he sipped it.

Frank continued to watch him discreetly until the entrance chimed again. Frank and the man both turned their heads. An older man (maybe late thirties) wearing a camouflage parka, the pieces of skin that were visible were littered with tattoos, entered. 

"Hey you." The man with the sunglasses said in a subdued manner, but broke out into a toothy grin regardless as the man entering grabbed the empty seat across from him.

"Hey." He said back and pulled the man with the shades on into a supple kiss. 

"Mmm. Sorry about yesterday night. _He_ was on my case and I couldn't leave the house at all." 

Frank tried to tune them out after that, but he couldn't.

"You know it's been a few months now. You really need to tell him." Camouflage man said, leaning back in his seat with his arm crossed over his chest.

The man with the sunglasses looked down and tapped his index finger against his cup of coffee.

"If it were that easy I would have done it by now. He's still my husband and I still love hi—"

"But you love me more and you're not afraid of me." Camouflage man interrupted and the man with the sunglasses on took a deep breath.

"I'm not afraid of him...I just don't know how to talk to him sometimes. He's not like you. He's not open minded to most things." Sunglasses man said, clarifying.

"Yeah? Well, whatever it is you need to make a decision soon. I'm not waiting forever." 

Frank blinked his eyes over to them and saw that the man with the sunglasses had his head lowered with his bottom lip lodged in between his teeth. 

"I know that, Frank. That's why I told you to meet me here. I want to stop this...I decided to stay with my husband." 

Frank turned to look at them directly when he heard his name leave the man with the sunglasses mouth. Camouflage man's mouth was in a tight line. His hands were folded on top of the table and his eyes were staring straight ahead at sunglasses man.

"You're not serious, are you? After everything we've been through?" 

"Frank—"

"No, fuck you Gerard. You fucked up big time. Good luck. Have fun spending the rest of your life with that controlling asshole." 

"—I'm sorry."

"No. Fuck you."

Frank watched camouflage guy get up and storm out. The man with the sunglasses coughed awkwardly and stood up from his seat slowly. He looked around to make sure no one was looking at him and when he was done doing that he was gone. 

Frank looked back out the window and watched this Gerard guy until he got into his little, black car and drove away. Frank sighed and adverted his attention back to his coffee. 

Both of those guys were miserable. He could see it on them. Frank got up from his seat, taking his empty coffee cup. He went for the exit and tossed his cup away in the bin right before he stepped out into the harsh cold. He walked home with his hands buried deep in his coat pockets and with his head down. 

He was miserable too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse the typos (like always lol)


	22. Just Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want to do this anymore." Gerard said in a hushed whisper; his bottom lip trembling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! My goal was to have this chapter out on Halloween and I achieved it! <3 
> 
> Enjoy! Xoxo

Frank's head hurt. The lights were too bright and they haven't stopped walking yet. At least they were inside the building and at this point Jon was following very closely behind Reid.

No one was speaking and Frank was glad. He wondered if it was because of the nerves and the anxiety. Was Jon doubting? Did he think that even if they did find Gerard he wouldn't be his Gerard anymore?

Frank glanced at Bert. His hair was ratty and long, covering half his face. Frank was sure he looked the same. All the dirt and grime suited Bert better though. He cared less about that sort of thing.

"I left him with Rebecca—our doctor. Gerard wanted to help out with a few things today. He was well enough to handle that." Reid said, disrupting everyone's deep thoughts.

Jon adverted his attention to him quickly.

"He still...even now, he wants to help?" Jon whispered, unsure if he should speak in the first place.

Reid nodded sternly.

"He's strong, Jon. He may not look it, but there's will power in his eyes. He wants to live and maybe you guys are his reason... so," Reid trailed off, coughing a little. "when you see him...don't comment about the way he looks, yeah? I think he's a little sensitive about it."

Jon shot him a funny look.

"And how would you know that?" Jon didn't mean to sound so harsh, but he couldn't help it. "Did he say that?"

Gerard never _whined_ about something like that. It wasn't like him.

Reid stopped suddenly and everyone did too. He turned slowly to face Jon and he shook his head. 

"No." Reid said with a small shrug. "But when you're raped as many times as he has and been beaten and treated like some fuckhead's fuck toy for as long as he has you'll start to hate everything about yourself. I've dealt with people who have been in his situation. They blame themselves for everything. They literally blame themselves for existing in the first place." 

Jon clenched his jaw as Reid finished and nodded his head hard.

"Okay. Just please. I want to see him." He said, blinking slow so he wouldn't cry.

Reid turned forward without another word and continued to walk straight ahead. They see people along the way and Frank notices that they all have a similar look to them. He just couldn't pin point what exactly because he was too busy trying to avoid getting looked at.

People entered and exited rooms to get away and get a look. Frank ducked his head, allowing his hair to curtain around his jaw.

"Here." Reid said loudly, stepping aside so Jon, Frank and Bert could enter to see him first. "I left him here."

Jon rushed to the door and before he opened it he took a deep, shaky breath. He could hear a faint wet noise coming from inside and he tried to listen closer, but he just didn't want to waste another second. He slammed the door open and what he sees makes him see red and his mouth go dry.

* * *

Gerard sat on top of the bed and scratched the side of his head. The pieces of hair that remained from his haircut tickled his neck and made his skin red and itchy. He couldn't stop twitching and gnawing down on his lip. 

He didn't know what to do. He didn't have anyone to talk to and he sure as hell didn't even want to talk about it in the first place. He was hungry. So fucking hungry and the screaming in his head wouldn't stop.

Smacking the side of his own head, Gerard whined and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He wanted it all to stop. 

Just as he was about to lay down the door to the room opened and in barged M. He rushed to Gerard covered in blood and sweat, cursing under his breath.

"Son of a fucking bitch." He growled, charging at Gerard with full force.

He grabbed the malnourished, pale man man by his throat and slammed him down onto the bed and kept going over and over again. Gerard's hands involuntarily, despite being in shock, clawed at M's forearms to break free but it was futile.

"You're dead. You're fucking dead you stupid motherfucker." M hissed, grunting as he started to use his other hand to pull the belt off of his dirty, distressed jeans.

Gerard's voice cracks behind his crushed windpipe and his eye roll into the back of his head. He's slowly losing consciousness and just as everything was going black M's letting go to pull his pants down.

"S-Stop...stop." Gerard murmured, pushing his hands out in front of him.

He pushed futilely against M's chest as he head lolled from side to side against the pillow beneath his head.

"You're gonna feel all of this and then you're going to regret fucking with me. I'm gonna slit your fucking throat when I'm finished with you." M whispered harshly, lining up against Gerard's hole. 

He started to push in and Gerard arched his back to get away.

"Stay the fuck still." M muttered, spitting against Gerard's face as he roughly grabbed his hips to keep him in place.

Gerard shook his head and reached out blindly to claw at M's shoulders. M was half way in and when Gerard started to arch his back again. M pulled out suddenly, bringing his hand up to cup Gerard's face roughly.

"I said stay fucking still." He said it calmly and Gerard could feel M's dirty finger on his bottom lip.

Gerard twitched, smelling M's flesh, and shuddered. His teeth chattered against M's grip on him and he closed his eyes. M stared at him in silence, observing how he trembled and breathed raggedly through his mouth. 

Something wasn't right and he should have known the second Gerard suddenly went dead still and his breathing stopped. He should have seen how his eyes moved rapidly behind his red eyelids. He should have known that this man beneath him wasn't a man, not a normal one at least. And just as he started to realize, it's too late.

Gerard's eyes shoot open and his teeth clamp down on M's finger like a rabid dog. M screamed bloody murder, pulling his hand back quickly. And in his shock, Gerard grabbed him by his throat, growling like a feral ghoul, and sunk his teeth into his cheek.

M screamed over and over again until he's flat on the blood stained bed with Gerard above him, sinking his teeth into any part of his flesh that was available to him. 

He screamed over and over again until he starts to lose consciousness. The last thing he sees is Gerard above him with his mouth covered in blood and piece of flesh hanging between his teeth. M closes his eyes slowly, drifting off to death, with one last thought lingering in his blackening mind.

He was right all along. Gerard was dead.

* * *

Jon pushed the door open and looked across the room. What he sees makes him stick his gun up because there's a fucking mangled corpse on the bed and someone lying on top of it, moving.

"What in the fuck!" Reid screamed, shoving Jon aside to enter.

Everyone else follows his lead and when Jon sees who it is that's on top of the corpse he lowers his gun and rushes over.

"Gerard?!" He screamed, shoving his husband off the dead body. "GERARD?!" 

Gerard was covered in blood and he had no pants on. The man on the bed with him is M and he's missing chunks of flesh and he's missing pieces of his face.

"J-Jon." Gerard croaked, swallowing whatever it was that was stuffed in his mouth.

Reid blinked back and forth between Gerard and M and then to Jon. Frank could see that Reid was trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together and so was everyone else. It was apparent though. They all knew what happened but were too shocked to react properly. If there was a proper way to react it would to just ask Gerard what happened, but they couldn't.

Jon couldn't stop pressing Gerard against him, petting him and kissing his head. Frank could tell that Jon knew what happened and he knew that it was going to happen sooner or later. 

"Baby. Oh god." Jon cried, pulling Gerard back to look into his lifeless eyes.

Gerard merely reached out and touched Jon's face with his bloody hands, tracing red lines against his cheeks and jaw.

"This isn't real." Gerard said clearly; his voice high as his eyes rapidly skimmed over Jon's dirty face. "This isn't real." He repeated in the same tone and Jon touched Gerard's face too.

"I'm here. We're here. It's going to be okay. You're safe. You're safe." Jon said with his voice trembling.

"Jon..." Bert said, stepping close to Gerard and Jon. 

He reached out and touched Jon's shoulder. M's corpse suddenly starts to move and Bert backs away quickly, nearly falling back.

"Zombie." Reid hollered, lifting his machete.

He went to inset his blade in M's skull and when he does it he's no longer moving.

Gerard blinked hard and buried his face against Jon's shoulder, breathing in and out harshly.

"I killed him." He whispered, but it was loud enough for everyone in the room to hear him. "H-He tried to...and I killed him. I didn't want to, but I was so hung—I was so scared."

Frank heard him. He was hungry. He wasn't scared.

"It's okay, baby. I know." Jon said, kissing the top of Gerard's head. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"Define okay." Reid said, interrupting the moment. "What the fuck is okay about this?!" 

Gerard lifted his bloody face to look into Reid's eyes.

"You're immune, aren't you?" Reid asked, pointing at Gerard. 

Frank took a deep breath and stepped forward.

"I am too." He said loudly and Reid looked at him.

"This has got to be some sick fucking joke. Do you know what happens to people who are immune? They do that." He said, moving his arm to point at M's corpse now. "I don't know what you're all thinking, but you can't stay here. They can't stay here."

He was talking about Frank and Gerard.

"Now hey, wait a second. M was dangerous wasn't he? He got what he deserved so you should be thanking Gerard, not shunning him." Bert said and Reid glared at him in disgust.

"I should be thanking him for eating someone?!" Reid screamed and Gerard jolted in Jon's arms, covering his ears.

"He's not eating Jon so he's not feral! He's not like those things outside!" Bert screamed back and Frank looked down.

He wasn't sure who's side he was on. They both had a point, but he couldn't say anything. Reid was just going to put him on the same boat as Gerard and he didn't want to sink.

"He's covered in fucking blood and he's twitching like a madman! You all need to leave now. You can't stay here. The immune can't stay here. We have children here and I sure as hell won't put them in danger. Not again." Reid said, lifting his gun, his men follow suit. "Now, I don't want to hurt any of you so please allow me to escort you off the vicinities."

"R-Reid." Gerard suddenly piped up and Reid quickly turned to him; his gun aimed to his face. "Please. P-Please. I couldn't—he was going to kill me. I didn't want to. I didn't."

Jon started to rock him gently, pushing his blood soaked fringe off of his face before he pulled the blanket over him. Gerard's breath came out in short pants as he attempted to calm himself down.

Reid stood there, slightly lowering his gun. He looked at Bert and Frank and then back to Jon and Gerard. 

"One night. After that you have to leave. I'm sorry." He said, lowering his gun.

He started to leave and his two men followed him out, shaking their heads in silence. Gerard fully collapsed against Jon and breathed in his scent.

"One night is all we need." Jon said. "We rest and then we go back to Sally, Larry and the kids.

Frank turned to Bert and gave him an unsure look. Bert shrugged his shoulders and pressed his back against the wall behind him.

"Now we dispose of this body and help clean up this mess." Jon continued and Gerard mouthed at his sweat soaked shirt. "Then we pretend this never happened."

"That sounds like a plan." Bert said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Frank looked down and sighed dejectedly. "I wish that were possible." He said quietly.

"Just try." Jon said, helping Gerard stand up. "I'm gonna look for a bathroom to clean him up. Can you too take care of M?"

Bert nodded and pushed himself off the wall. "C'mon." He said to Frank, nudging his head in M's direction.

Frank followed his lead and when he started to help Bert lift the dead man off the bed he watches Jon exit the room, helping Gerard waddle beside him with a blanket wrapped around his waist.

"This is so fucked." Bert murmured, lifting M up by his armpits.

"Tell me about it." Frank cosigned, lifting M up by his legs.

They carry him out.

* * *

His face was cleaner now, but he could still smell and taste the blood. Bold iron invades his sense, but at least he's no longer hungry. He felt better. He felt like he had some strength and energy. He watched Jon clean him off with a rag and water from the sink in front of them. The bathroom door was shut and locked behind them.

Gerard blinked. He felt numb as he watched the blood in the sink wash down the drain. He could feel Jon's gentle hand on his skin,

"Gerard?" Jon asked, breaking the silence as he cleaned the blood off of his husband's sickly, ivory skin.

Gerard turned his head quickly in Jon's direction. How many times has Jon been calling his name?

"Baby..." Jon said, grabbing Gerard's hand. "Did he try to kill you?"

Gerard's eyes felt heavy with exhaustion and his stomach squelched, trying to process all the flesh he had digested. He nodded, closing his eyes.

"He tried to hurt me." Gerard said breathily, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. "He tried to—he said he was going to slit my throat."

Jon gripped Gerard's hand tightly and examined his face. His hair was cut short, just below the lobes of his ears. His skin was pale and his lips were cracked from dehydration. 

"Then he deserved it. He deserved it for what he did to you. I was going to do much worse to him." Jon said darkly and Gerard opened his eyes slowly to look into his.

They share a moment of silence. They're just staring at one another like they still can't believe they're together. Gerard's heart felt swollen in his chest.

"I don't want to do this anymore." Gerard said in a hushed whisper; his bottom lip trembling. 

Jon shifted closer to him and pulled his hand up to touch Gerard's cheek. He looked concerned and he looked like he knew what Gerard was thinking about. Maybe he did.

"I know, but listen to me...I'm here, okay? We're here and we're going to be safe and we're never going to lose each other again. Baby—" Jon paused and took a deep breath. "I don't know what I would have done without you. I need you."

Gerard's breath stuttered in his chest as he sobbed out loudly. 

"You're my life. If anything ever happens to you it happens to me too. Do you understand that?" Jon asked, tilting Gerard's head up so they can lock eyes.

Gerard's face was contorted as he tried to stop himself from crying. Jon's eyes were burning through him and Gerard wanted to die in that moment. He didn't feel it. He couldn't feel anything. He wasn't crying because of Jon, he was crying because he didn't care anymore. 

As they lean in to hug one another, Gerard presses his hand against Jon's chest. He's feeling his warmth; he's kneading into him. He can't control his breathing and Jon's just kissing his neck and kissing his shoulders and any part of Gerard he could reach with his mouth.

Gerard's hands start to tremble as he lowers them to the bottom of Jon's waist. He's touching the belt strap, feeling for the gun holster, and when he's got his hands on the pistol he's yanking it free. Before Jon can stop him he's putting it to his own head.

Jon's eyes dilate and he looks animalistic as he tries to pry the weapon from Gerard's incredibly shaky hand.

"Gerard, Gerard. No. Don't you fucking dare!" He hardly has time to reach for the gun.

"I wanna go home." Gerard sobbed as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. 

He takes a deep breath... 

He pulls the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween everyone! Be safe and have fun <3


	23. He Walks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I RISKED MY LIFE FOR YOU!" Jon screamed down at him. "You STUPID FUCK! We ALL risked our LIVES for YOU!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooohooo! Finally an update! I hope everyone isn't too upset. I've been having thee worst writers block ever *deep sigh* but here she is. Enjoy! 
> 
> Xoxo
> 
> Ps. Sorry about the typos (as always) I'll be on the look out for them. I just didn't want to take any longer with this update <3

_Click_

...

_Click_

He squeezed the trigger again before it dawns on him. It's empty. There are no bullets. He wants to scream. He wants to end it all even more now. He blinks and then the gun is flying out of loosened grip and then there's a hand hitting him hard across the face. It sends him flying to the dirty, tiled floor and his eye catches a blood stain on the ground when he's less than an inch away from it. He wonders if it's his blood.

Jon is above him screaming incoherently and all Gerard can do is close his eyes and pretend to be dead after that blow. It's all he wants to do. If he can't have the real thing he'll get the second closest thing to it.

"I RISKED MY LIFE FOR YOU!" Jon screamed down at him. "You STUPID FUCK! We ALL risked our LIVES for YOU!"

Gerard's breath stutters in his chest as he sobs against the tiled floor. Someone's banging on the bathroom door and Jon's unlocking it and yanking it open in a flash.

"What the hell is going on!?" It's Bert shouting and Frank's pushing through to get in.

Gerard feels hands on him, pulling him up. He opens his eyes and looks into Frank's.

"P-Please." Gerard stammered.

Frank held him closer and Gerard pressed his lips against his ear.

"Please Frank." Gerard said as he started to tremble. "Please kill me. Please."

Jon hadn't heard because he was already gone with Bert chasing after him. Frank frowned and pulled back to look into Gerard's lifeless eyes.

"Don't say things like that. I understand what you're going through. Don't let it kill you." Frank said quietly and rubbed the bruise forming on Gerard's cheek.

"H-How do you control the hunger?" Gerard asked, crying weakly. "I can't turn it off. It hurts. It always fucking hurts."

Frank sighed. He had been bitten more than once and even though he has his episodes he doesn't have them as bad as Gerard. People were affected by this virus differently it seemed.

"I don't. It doesn't turn off, but I'm good at ignoring it." 

It wasn't advice or any way to make Gerard feel better, but it was the truth. Gerard's bottom lip quivered and then he cried out, burrowing his face against Frank's odd smelling, dirty shirt.

Frank held him. He held him until he stopped crying and he kept holding until he drifted off.

* * *

Frank looked over Gerard the rest of their time in Sanctum. Jon had told them that Gerard had tried to kill himself. It didn't come ask a shock to either Frank or Bert, but they were afraid for both Jon and Gerard's state of mind. 

"We'll leave as soon as the sun comes up." Bert said quietly to Frank across from Gerard's sleeping frame.

Frank looked over to the older man with tired eyes. He nodded and then averted his attention back to Gerard.

"Where's Jon?" Frank asked.

Bert shrugged and sighed. "I have no idea. I hope he isn't doing anything stupid."

Gerard shifts and both men glare at him.

"Doing something stupid..." Frank repeated. "You know, before all this—call it fate or a coincidence or whatever—I saw Gerard before and he was with this guy...it wasn't Jon."

Bert immediately looked interested. He tilted his head to the side and listened very closely.

"The guy's name was 'Frank'." Frank said and saying his own name that way felt odd. It weighed heavy on his tongue and the memory was fuzzy, but bright.

Bert scratched at his jaw and chuckled lightheartedly.

"Gerard isn't a saint." Bert said quickly. "Neither of us are and we don't have to be. If he cheated on Jon or whatever that's his own business and choice."

Frank wanted to tell Bert that wasn't the reason he was telling him, but he held back. He merely shrugged and picked at a loose strand on the sleeve of Gerard's shirt.

Suddenly, the room door is coming open and Jon slips in, stumbling slightly.

"Drunk?" Bert asked and Jon shook his head quickly.

"I wish." He slurred and plopped down on the ground. "I'm goin' to sleep."

It didn't even take him a minute. 

Frank looked at Bert and Bert looked right back at him. It was time for bed for them too.

* * *

Gerard opened his eyes and the first thing that comes to view is Frank. He pulled back slightly and scanned over the younger man's face.

A few questions buzz around in his head.

How long has he been asleep? Where were they? Were they still in Sanctum?

Gerard touched the side of his face and cringed. There was a large swell on his eye and cheek. He remembered right then and there that Jon had struck him.

"Fuck..." he cried out quietly.

Frank groaned, shifting slightly. He blinked his eyes slowly and looked at Gerard.

"H-Hey...you're up. I was worried about you." He said as he sat up slowly. "That bruise is starting to look real bad." 

Gerard flinched when the younger man delicately caressed the bump on his face. 

"Sorry. We should wake everyone up. We gotta go." Frank said and Gerard nodded, looking around.

There was Jon, passed out on the floor. And there was Bert, slumped against a wall. That's when he noticed that he and Frank had been the ones to share a bed. Why did he feel wrong for that? Yes, he had been unconscious, but still...

Frank wakes everyone up, shaking them gently like a mother or father would to wake their children up for school. Gerard sat on top of the bed, rubbing his not bruised eye and whimpering. 

Jon sat up quickly, groaning and shaking his head. He looked over at Gerard and then lowered his eyes. A wave of guilt washed over him when he saw his husband's pitiful appearance. He looked so fragile—like someone you should never hit.

"Everyone ready?" Bert croaked, standing slowly.

Following his lead, everyone begins to gather their things and pile out of the small room. Frank stood close to Gerard, making sure the man was okay to walk.

Exiting Sanctum was easy enough. They had met up with a few guards, along with a conscious Jared, who seemed to have been waiting for them. The five men were escorted out through the back, handed some water and bread, and that was it. They were back outside with... Them.

Gerard kept his hand against his swollen face as the morning sun hit it directly. They walk for a mile in silence and before they know it, a tall male zombie growls in the distance. No one is phased by it.

Jon sighed deeply. He pulled his dagger from holster and started to quickly make his way to the dead man. Gerard watches and Frank holds him close, gripping his arm tightly. 

"Just knock it down." Bert yawned, stretching his arms up in the air.

Jon ducked his leg against the zombie's and he fell, growling and hissing.

"No point in wasting energy." Bert shrugged and Jon put his dagger away as he stood still, glaring at Gerard.

* * *

The walking starts to get to Gerard when they hit another mile. Bert's talking to Jared about something Gerard can't even bother to try to listen to and Jon is rubbing at his nub, trying to adjust his bandages that looked like they needed a good cleaning. Frank was still close to him, asking him if he's okay every five minutes.

It's all driving him crazy.

He stopped suddenly, arms by his sides, and fell to his knees. Frank was the first to notice so he makes a startled sound and gets down on the ground too. 

"Don't." Gerard cried when Frank tried to help him up. 

Jon heard the words leave his mouth and he whirled around quickly.

"Gerard...come on." Bert said, walking towards the men on the ground. 

"We're gonna need to find some place to stay for the night." Jared said.

"I CAN'T!" Gerard screamed. 

Jon approached him, getting down on one knee.

"Gee. Get up." He said sternly, yet there was also something soft in his tone. "It's not like we're gonna leave you behind."

"I can't...I can't." He repeated, quietly this time.

A silence hangs over them. There are birds chirping and bugs buzzing in the distance.

"Gerard, what do you want? What can we do for you?" Frank whispered, rubbing the older man's back.

Gerard looked at him; his eyes wet with tears. He shook his head slowly.

"I can't do this anymore. I just can't, Frank. It hurts. It all fucking hurts."

Jon looked down at him with furrowed brows. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. 

"Listen, it's okay. Look at at me." Jon said and Gerard instantly catches his eyes. "I'm gonna get you back home safe and sound and when I do you're free to do whatever you want. You can stay... with me or you can leave. You're not stuck. You're never stuck no matter what this fucking world tells you. I love you, but none of that matters if you're not happy." 

Gerard blinked and the tears poured out of his eyes. He sniffed and his bottom lip quivered. Was his husband breaking up with him during the zombie apocalypse? No... they weren't breaking up... they were making amends. Gerard never truly was with Jon. He didn't want him, but he never needed him either. He wasn't committed, but he had been at one point and that's why he had held on for so long.

Jon pushed his hand through Gerard's hair and pulled him in close. He closed the gap between them and pressed his lips against the younger man's forehead. 

"I will always love you. Now get up." Jon murmured against Gerard's sweaty forehead.

With Frank's help, he starts to stand on wobbly legs...

And he walks.

* * *

**Three Days Later**

Gerard's sitting under a tree with his back against the trunk and Frank's head his resting on his lap as he slept soundly. He's looking ahead at Bert and Jon who are checking the traps they laid out last night to catch something to eat.

Gerard can tell they've caught something because they're exclaiming in excitement. Jared is getting them some water from a stream close by and right now everything was fine. Gerard mentally felt fine. He was physically exhausted, but so was everyone else.

"It's a big one." Jon said giddily, holding the dead rabbit up. 

Gerard smiled at him weakly as he rubbed his fingers through Frank's scalp.

"Breakfast'll be ready in two hours." Bert said as he worked on reviving the fire pit.

Jon sat by Gerard. He looked up and saw Jared with water and then passed him the rabbit so he could work on it.

"We'll be back with our group in a few hours. How are you feeling?" Jon asked Gerard, reaching out to pluck some twigs from his hair.

"I'm feeling...nervous. I miss the kids. I can't wait to see them." Gerard said and stilled his hands in Frank's hair. "They're in good hands, right?" He asked sounding unsure.

Jon nodded sternly.

"Yeah, of course. I bet Sue's gonna scream when she sees you."

Gerard laughed and Jon genuinely looked shocked.

"I missed that sound." He said with his eyes wide. There was a small smile on his face.

"Yeah? It feels good to make it." He said.

There's a pause and before either one of them can say anything else there's a loud bang. It sounds like a gun shot and they all jump in their spot, even Frank who's now suddenly out of Gerard's lap.

The sound of leaves rustling and people shouting is close and Gerard looks at Jon in shock.

A horde. 

Everyone gets up and starts to run in the opposite direction the sound was coming from, but they make sure to stay close to one another. There's a group of zombies ahead and they all get their weapons out and quickly take them down.

It goes on for a half hour. Gerard's losing his breath and his arms are shaking as he strikes down another zombie. He grunts when he pulls his blade back and stumbles when he makes his way over to Frank who's bending forward with his hands on his knees.

"We can't stop now." Bert declared. "We're almost there. We have to hurry before another group of them comes this way."

Gerard nodding, panting harshly as he attempted to catch his breath. They were lucky no one was hurt. They hadn't been surrounded like that in so long.

They safely make it out of the woods and when they find the main road back into the direction they need to go they move fast. Gerard's holding tightly onto Frank and Jon is holding onto him as they scurry along the deserted road.

They weren't far from Home now.

* * *

The air... Gerard sniffed and looked around. Something didn't feel right. 

"When you left for me...did they have to send Jared too?" Gerard asked Jon as they walked close in proximity.

Jon quickly looked back at Jared and then turned forward again.

"They said he would be useful...to be honest he was more of a liability. He's not as skilled as us." Jon admitted.

"And you never wondered why they needed him to tag along?" Gerard pressed.

It was strange. Why didn't they send more people? Why Jared?

"Gerard, what're you getting at? You don't think we should trust these people?"

"Jon, we shouldn't trust anyone. Why was it so important to get me in the first place?" Gerard asked and Jon shot him a bewildered look.

"Because you're my fucking husband and I wanted you back safe and sound." Jon hissed.

Gerard folded his mouth shut. He looked back at Frank and Bert who were walking side by side. Jared was behind them.

"... You keep making this about us. It's not about us." He said darkly. "I don't trust these people because they haven't given me a reason to trust them." 

"They saved your fucking life." Jon growled.

He was getting pissed. 

Gerard shook his head.

"Did they?" He laughed bitterly.

Something was terribly wrong. Gerard could see it coming from a mile away.

They make it back and when the gates pull up Jared is the first one to step through with his head held eye; his eyes swollen and his lip busted. Everyone else piled up behind him and rushed in before the small horde nearby could bombard them.

"Welcome back boys." 

A mysterious voice called out from the intercom.

Gerard grabbed onto Jon and took a deep breath.

"Come on in. Let's get you all situated."

Jared entered the building and hurried down the hall where Richard was standing with his hands behind his back.

"Did you find him?" Richard asked.

"Yeah. He was south from here. Some where called Sanctum. We were right, they weren't as far as we thought they were."

Gerard turned down the hall along with Jon, Frank and Bert and Richards's eyes lit up.

"Ah there you are Gerard." He walked past everyone until he was in front of Gerard. "How're you feeling?"

Gerard coughed and shrugged.

"Do you want me to really answer that?" 

He felt like absolute shit. He was raped, starved and beaten. He was surprised he was even alive.

Richard smiled weakly at him. "If it will displease then no. I don't want you to answer that."

Gerard stepped away from him. 

"Where are the kids? Where's Larry and Sally?" He asked, looking around.

"The kids...? Oh, Gus and Sue. They're in the playroom. I'll take you." Richard signaled for everyone to follow.

They walked in silence for five minutes until they came across a white door.

"Here." Richard pointed as he dug for his keys. "Sally comes to them from time to time when she isn't helping me with my research. She's very bright." 

Gerard clenched his jaw as he watched Richard start to unlock the door.

Once it was open Gerard practically shoved everyone aside to rush in.

The room was fucking white. Everything was white and smelled like it had been sanitized one hundred times over. There were the kids, sitting at a table with a book in front of them and few toys—a teddy bear and a dolly.

Gerard fell to his knees when the kids looked up at him. He wrapped his arms around both their tiny bodies and kissed the top of their heads.

"Oh my god." He breathed.

"Gee!" They both squeaked, hugging him back just as tightly.

Bert and Frank went to them too and petted both their heads.

"I was so worried." Gerard cried.

Before he had hugged them he noticed something strange. They had red markings on their necks, but it was hardly visible so he didn't bring it up.

"Why would you be worried?" Richard asked, tilting his head to the side. 

Gerard craned his neck to look back him without removing himself from the kids.

"Because I don't trust you." He said bluntly and Richard arched his brow.

"Is that from intuition?" Richard asked.

"No, it's from experience." Gerard whispered, breaking away from the kids. "I don't trust you, because I'm not stupid."

He got up slowly.

"Gerard. They helped us find you. You need to relax." Jon said as he reached to grab Gerard's arm.

Gerard stepped away and dodged him.

"I want to see Larry." He said quickly and Richard nodded.

"Of course. He should be in his bedroom resting."

"Resting?" Frank asked suddenly and Richard glared at him.

"Yes, he works hard to help make repairs around the facility. He's very valuable." 

Bert glanced at Jon. He gave him a worried look, but no one said anything else as Richard led them out of the kids room.

They walked to where Larry's room and when they arrived Richard knocked.

"One minute." Larry's voice called out.

Gerard stepped close so that he could see the older as soon as the door opened up.

The door suddenly opened and Larry looked at everyone in shock.

"Well I'll be damned! They found ya Snow White!" He was the first one to make the move.

He wrapped his arms around Gerard and Gerard did the same back. They held onto one another for what felt like an eternity and when they pulled away Richard waved his hand around Larry.

"See? He's fine. All is well." 

"Huh? Why wouldn't I be?" Larry asked nervously. "Is something wrong?"

Gerard shook his head frantically. He could see a mark on his neck too.

"N-No... I was just worried." Gerard said, eyeing the mark discreetly.

He looked at Jon quickly to distract himself.

Something still didn't feel right. Nothing felt right. Why was everyone so excluded from one another? And why did they have something on their necks. He didn't want to bring it up right then and there.

"Well ok then. Um... I'll see you all later." Larry stepped back and shut his door.

"I'm going to guess you want to see Sally, yes?" Richard asked and Gerard nodded. "Very well...this way then."

Gerard followed closely behind him as they went into the opposite direction.

The walk was another five minutes and when they made it to a room he looked at the door and saw a note on it.

'Do Not Disturb-IN SESSION'

Gerard went to open the door without a care, but Richard shoved his hand away.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked and Gerard backed away slowly. "Can't you read?"

Gerard looked back at Jon and the older man's brows were furrowed in confusion now.

"In session?" He asked.

Richard pointed at the sign before he started to knock. It started to open and Sally poked her head in.

"Oh!" She said and opened the door completely.

The room was dark except for a few lights coming from a monitor.

"Hey guys, welcome back." She said and looked at everyone individually.

Something on her neck was red and Gerard eyed it. He couldn't believe that they all just naturally had the same thing on their necks coincidentally.

"Thanks Sally. We're glad to be back." Jon said knocking Gerard out of his thoughts.

Gerard's heart started to race in his chest and when he lifted his eyes he saw Richard staring at him with a strange look. The man had his hands behind back and the small smile on his face was unsettling.

"What's wrong Gerard?" He asked and Gerard's breath hitched in his throat. "Are you feeling alright?" 

Gerard's palms were sweaty and his body was trembling. Everything was starting to make sense now... The reason M had been here wasn't to helped. They were experimenting on him and they were next.

Gerard's mouth went dry and his eyes widened, but he remained calm. He looked Richard in his eyes and answered...

"I'm fine."

He had to be...for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know when I'll be updating again—hopefully it won't take too long...


End file.
